Life’s Simple, Keep it that way!

So much happens in everyone’s life. No one is spared from the emotional brawl that one experiences in one’s life. So I’m not an exception too. However, after every such incidence in life, I learn to become stronger. I learn to not repeat the same mistakes, to not expect from people and to stay happy in what I chose to do and accept my decisions.

There are times when you feel low with what has happened in life, for sure. But then its you who has to pull yourself up from the situation and smile! To look forward and not cry on the spilt milk. That’s life is and it goes on, whatsoever!

Being sad and thinking too much about stuff is not good-for health and otherwise too. When you think too much, you basically spoil other relationships and are diverted from your core! When you think too much it spoils what you have in hand, at that moment. You miss the chance to enjoy the moment, the happiness that is in front of you but you miss to see it because your mind is somewhere else!

Be where you are at that moment and just take life in with both your hands. I have come to believe that life is very simple, gifted by god in a pure form, it is us who make it complicated. It is us who twist and turn it and then sit and cry that its broken or lost its shape, which is not fair to life. We shouldn’t blame it, right?

I always tell myself, keep smiling, stay happy and be positive. If you are happy, you’ll spread happiness, if you spread happiness you’ll get more happiness in turn. That’s what the rule is- what goes around, comes around!

Live life happily! Stay good, Stay you!

Dear Chirpy-High Five

Dear Daughter Chirpy,

2016 is an important year for us. One of the greatest things happened is you turned 5 this year! A mark in itself, of growing up, becoming Didi and understanding whole lot of things that we didn’t imagine that you can!

I think I should stop saying this, we can never imagine what all you can think or logically arrive as a conclusion at. You always surprise us, amaze us and make us proud with your wit, intelligence and comic streak! I love that you are a fun loving child and that you seldom feel low or sad and you are totally and completely indulged in happiness and living life!

That being said, you cry at the drop of the hat, my dear girl, you are very sensitive and feel deep for people and things around. I respect that, but at the same time I want to tell you to not be so emotional about things or people so much so that you feel weak! But then your Deda tells me to let you be, its not the right time to tell you big life lessons. We have our own debate going on this one, I think you should be guided on the right path right from the start and he thinks I should let you evolve as a person on your own.

So yes, he’s right but at the same time I feel I’m not wrong either. I don’t want you to be strong and sturdy at your heart, feel for right things and let other things go! While we are yet to arrive at the conclusion of our debate, we are just letting time take its own course.

Today when I see you as a big sister, my heart melts. Today you are exactly the same sister to Sibby that I had imagined-loving caring and protecting him. On the other hand, Sibby being a boy, he shows his boy genes and dominates you, sometimes bully’s you (of course he doesn’t know that he’s doing that😉 ) and we are NOT surprised to see that you never retaliate. You remain affectionate towards him and cuddle him more. Sibby, as right now we can gauge is a little moody. He is playful with you when he wants to and then there’s no limit to his love for you! He’ll shower you with sloppy kisses and even give you small bites as token of his love🙂 (Yeah, that’s how Sibby shows love to someone-by biting on cheeks!) We enjoy this sight, we love the way you two are growing up and especially when you are off to school Sibby is the one who feels most upset seeing his partner go away, its a sign, he loves you to bits dear didi!

Dear Chirpy, you are a lovely girl, sometimes a little naughtier but other times you are an angel🙂 Mamma keeps saying this all the time, but seriously, she means this to the core , She loves you a lot!

And to answer your question if I love you the most than anyone else, yes baby, I love you the most!

Yours Lovingly,

Aai!

 

Is No Title a Title ?

Just realised while talking to a dear friend that I’ve not blogged since a year now! How strange is that? I look back and see that I was such a regular blogger and now since past one year life has become so busy (or the drive of writing has gone down?) that I’ve not visited this space.

Well, now that I’m here today, I felt that the fire of writing is kind of rekindled and then ek post toh banta hai! 

I thought I would try to put everything in a nut shell as to what I’ve been up to all this while, but then its too much to write down in a nut shell, will not fit at all😉 If I have to sum things up then, life’s been super cool, with minimum lows and maximum sunny side ups! Life’s been benevolent and we’ve been taking it all with both hands!

In the upcoming news, there are lot of new things around the corner to take place. I’m keeping fingers crossed and hoping everything falls in place, at the right time!

Life is a little different, not completely changed though, with two kids. Chirpy is growing to be amazingly grown-up types with logic and reasoning behind her every argument and question. We enjoy talking to her, basically its like learning new things from her and taking in different perspective on the same old things that we’ve been taught or know about. Kids really teach us well and we must keep our eyes and ears open to learn.

Like all parents, we adore our kids. Especially when they are asleep, its such a cute sight to see them sleep side by side, most of the times cuddled and other times forming a random shapes with heads elsewhere and 2 pairs of limbs elsewhere🙂 Having kids changes your life, sure, increases your responsibilities, certainly but then having kids in your life definitely gives your life a meaning and perspective that you never knew existed!

I’ve to come here often and write abt what’s happening in life, or else the purpose of this blog will be defeated! I’ve to write so much about both my kids, their antics and their growing years! I must come back, for sure!

Dear Sibby-Honest Confession

Dear Sibby,

Since the time of your birth I’ve been wanting to tell you this-the thoughts that time and again come to my mind,sometimes even today. Before I start, I want you to know that I’m being truly honest here with you. I don’t feel the need to modify my feelings and present them because between you and me, we don’t need to pretend or please, right?

When I was pregnant with you, I was very frequently questioned as to what do I wish to have-a girl or a boy? This curiosity is especially over grown in people’s mind for the second babies. Since I had Chirpy, a girl, people wanted to hear me saying “I want a boy”. According to them it made sense, for me to wish to have a boy when I already had a daughter. I don’t blame them, that’s what the minds are conditioned as in the society. Secondly, there was this ghar ka chirag mania also. Who would take our family name ahead etc.

I on other hand, honestly, wished that you’d be a girl, yes, I wanted you to be a girl. I imagined you and Chirpy sharing that sisters bond, that girlie interactions, those silly fights for dresses and accessories, discussing boy friends and careers, making choices and taking stands for each other, being best girl friends. Not that now you being a boy, would not bond well with Chirpy, you would I know but same gender, especially with girls it is a bit different, a little more special.

I felt this way maybe because I never had a sister? Maybe because I’ve seen such sister siblings that are fire on the house? Or simply because I deeply wished to have daughters! Your Deda on the other hand was sure he wanted a boy, to have best of both worlds, to strike a balance. He thought having two girls or two boys is a little imbalanced. So he wanted one of each, simple logic that, no?

That said, you would know that I’m glad that I had you, a boy. I’m in love with you exactly the way I would have loved a daughter. Nothing has changed, my love is not gender dependent, a mother’s love is not at all anything dependent. It is just love, pure love for her children. And hence you are the apple of my eye, my hero, my jigar ka tukda! I love you Sibby. You and Chirpy complete me, you my children paint my life with your love and I’m so loving this colourful life.

Yours,

Mamma

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Sibby-The First Letter

Dear Sibby,

Hello sweetheart🙂 This is the first letter of a long series of letters that I’m going to write to you time to time. There are so many things I can keep talking to you, in my head, and then some of them make way here, in these letters and some remain in my heart, forever. Which I hope someday I’ll be able to recite to you, as is🙂

Its been a month’s journey together, well, not exactly. To put it together, we’ve been together for almost 10 months now! So, a month’s journey face to face, let’s put it that way. It has been lovely, pensive, panic-ky, wondrous, funny and soothing. All in one go. You’ve been a peaceful and silent baby so far. All you want us to ensure is you are provided the milk timely, your poop and pee are cleaned at the very instant that you finish the task and you are left in profuse silence when asleep. How simple is that, no?Well, yeah! So far so good, we’ve been bonding well, I can safely say that and I get a feeling that you’re going to be a mamma’s boy like literally. Lot of people, actually make that all of them, say that you are on me, every inch. Though your Deda keeps finding traces of himself in you like the other day he said “you know I think his eyes are exactly like mine, you see the color, here? See!” Some or the other way he tries to find the resemblance and score a pointer to this his side, but all in vain😉 He is very selfish that ways. As if Chirpy being totally like him is not enough for him to boast!!

You sleep most of the times, I mean that’s what you should be doing. Your carefree expressions while you are asleep are to die for! While you are awake, few hours of the day, you stare into silence. Somewhere in distance as if you are deep in your thoughts and one must not disturb you, at all. Oh, and when your Didu is around, you both click like kumbh ke bichade huye bhai behen. Seriously, how? I wonder. You guys connect so well, touch wood! There is something that Chirpy speaks with you and you instantly react cheerily as if you want to jump with joy. You feel happy in her presence and you follow her with your eyes as much as you can. She feels equally excited to talk to you, to touch you and kiss you. She wants to do everything for you right from cleaning your potty to changing your clothes to putting you to sleep. She sure loves you a lot Sibby, a lot !🙂

I feel all mushy seeing you two chat in your own language. And not only me, your Deda’s heart melts too. He feels so so contended to see you both that he turns to me and says a silent “thank you”🙂 I love this moment, all four of us in the same moment, feeling happy and contended for our own reasons🙂

Dear Sibby, welcome to the world. You are new here and there is a lot of you’ve got to see and understand. There are going to be good times, exciting times and then there will be some dull moments too in life, but that’s okay. As long as we have each other, things will get better when they are not, together we can cross all the hurdles, the power of family, togetherness is immense.

Stay happy, healthy and grow well dear baby. Mamma will try to write as many letters as she can, recording your moments, for herself and for you too to look back, in future🙂

Let’s begin our journey🙂

Yours Mamma.

As Confusing As It May Get…

Its been a little more than a month that I became a mother of two. Exciting as it may sound, it sure it great to be at this stage of life yet a little confusing at times. Especially for a person like me, I guess feeling confused, odd at times and feeling squarish peg in the round hole is quite normal. I’m random, I know that very well. My thoughts fluctuate often but that said, my decision don’t get hamper due to this and I’m firm on what I choose for myself. So being a second time mother was my conscious decision and I stand for it even today, not because I don’t have a choice now, but really. But feeling confused is something I can’t give up in my life, ever. Today I feel confused for having two children to cater to. Whether I’ll be doing a good job or not? Whether I’ll be able to do it right or no? I know there is no right way to pin point the method of bringing up children but the dilemma exist.

I’m fully aware that I’m not a 100% mother material and I’ve accepted this fact and made peace with it. I’m not the one who can run around the clock and only  look after my children and tend to them. But, I love them. I’m around when they need me, for feeding, playing, doing the art projects, homework, taking them to malls and zoos and holidays and reading them books, cooking their fav dish etc. All this in proportion to giving myself space for reading, watching movies, meeting my girl friends and going to office. I guess this is fair, no? Being a mother doesn’t mean losing one’s own individuality, right?

Past few days I’m feeling a little bit guilty about all these things, you know, wanting to be myself, giving myself the required time and all that. I feel my children will not stick to me like generally children should to their mothers, like normally they feel about their mothers. As if their mothers are the only creatures on earth they’ve seen or known! On the second hand, I ask myself, do I want my children to be like that? Like all clingy and emotional about their mom being around 24*7? The answer is a clear and big no. Then why do I feel guilty otherwise?  Like for this very instant : When I’m writing this, my little one, Sibby, is lying beside me..playful and on his own. What a scene it is, the mother on her laptop, lavishly writing a blog and the little buns, independently playing and letting his mum be! Who would not want this sight in real? And here I’m, feeling guilty… what for by the way?

See, I told you, I’m one confused soul!

 

New Mum (yet,again!) On the Block Says:

So, this is about the new mum, a second timer, but still a new one because every kid is different and every time it is a new birth! I feel exactly the same, a new me, a newbie at doing things, with a dash of experience though, but I feel with Sibby I’m learning the ABC of mommyhood, right from the start.

I’m enjoying being a mother again, a mother of two! It feels good to have created two cute little humans who are no less dear to you than your life…they are your life!

With Sibby I’ve to admit one thing for sure, breastfeeding came in very easily, to me and to Sibby as well. He latched instantly, he wants me all the time and is so very happy feeding on my milk. Unlike Chirpy, where in breastfeeding was a nightmare, we did not gel well in that duration, she did not latch properly, and it hurt me like hell! I cried, I hated myself for not being able to feed my baby and I felt a little less like a mother because I wasn’t feeding my milk to my baby.. all the breastfeeding trauma that could possibly be caused had taken place then. I figured out, quite later, that I was naive, my baby was just couple of days old and no one gave us proper gyaan about breastfeeding that we should have known as first timers. This time however, I told myself to be determined, to take it easy and to give time to both of us. Maybe that’s what worked. I counselled myself. I gave myself due credit that I’m trying and not giving up. I cuddled my baby and patted him for latching well. Basically, that bond, was created. We became the happy duo, sitting in our own corner and having our own us time.

Honestly, I’ve to realise two things from my own experience:

A) Breastfeeding is a rocket science!

B) Breastfeeding is not a rocket science!

Oh confusing, ain’t it? Let me explain.

A) Rocket science because it takes your patience, hard work, diligence and relaxed mind to bring it all together to feed your baby. It also needs your baby to be in sync with your trials. It takes two to tango, aka breastfeed! So it is a science, that two people, one adult and one tiny little being, have to sync in and practice to master it.

B) It is not a rocket science because its not a big deal. It can’t be taught, it has to be practised. It has to be given time and to each his own. We should not give it more than required importance so much so that new mothers are bogged down by the trauma of not being able to feed their new babies. It is to be enjoyed, to be cherished and not be marked taboo and create fears in mothers’ minds. So don’t give it a status of rocket science where in it start looking difficult or impossible.

Breastfeeding is a boon, if you can do it, well and good. If you for some reasons cannot do it, doesn’t matter. Don’t feel sad about it. It is okay to give your baby top-feed. It is okay to make enough milk because every body is different. Don’t look down upon yourself. You are a mother in several other ways and breastfeeding is not the only yardstick to prove that you are a mum. You bore that child for 9 months in your tummy and that’s a bigger task than any other, I think!

Enjoy motherhood🙂

Ahoy!!!

Yes I’m back at this space, can I live without this or working or anything that brings me sanity? No way! I know there are rules to be followed for at least first 40 days of delivering a baby and I somewhat know the significance too of complete shut out and all that. But what I also know is without these things, blogging, working and thinking logically, I can’t survive. I can’t remain sane! I’m hard wired that ways and it may cause some damage to my body, physically, maybe, but can’t help. So what I’m trying to do is, read a little, work a little and now Blog a little only to balance things out.

So anyway, the main news here is this, below!

Both of us are fine, I’m recovering and recuperating from the delivery episode, not that it was dramatic, but its an episode in itself, the ones who have delivered will agree with me.

It feels different to be a mother of two. It feels like a new role altogether, which I had anticipated but now that it is really happening, I’m a little confused at times🙂 Natural, I guess!

Little Chirpy is behaving like a good girl, as expected and as she had planned to be a good Didu to her little sibling! It is an amazing view to watch them sleep side by side. Sometimes I think to myself, “wow, I made these two?” This whole pregnancy thing is a miracle, God has created a magic!

So for the blog world, we will call Chirpy’s little sibling as SIBBY🙂

Welcome him and bless him with all your love, like you do to Chirpy! Now the new phase of life begins and let’s hope I’m able to record all the anecdotes here for me and Husby to read laters when our birds would fly away to their destinations🙂

Unnecessary Absurdity

3 days in a row. 3 days and I’m behaving like a stupid woman. Without reasons I’m acting finicky about everything that is happening in my life and in my surroundings. I cried, I shouted and I threw tantrums. Not only at home but some what at office also I showed a little weird behaviour. What’s wrong with me? Why am I getting this stupid in my behaviour I don’t know.

People around me are my loved ones. They understand and they are taking it all with a smile on their face. They know that I’m preggers and that I’m bound to behave like this. They know that I’m on my last last leg, just about 10 days from the D-day and hence my hormones must be acting mixed up.

But what about me? Why am I behaving like this? Why are they supposed to take all this from me? They don’t deserve this kind of treatment, this kind of BS from me. I behaved a little stupid with Chirpy too yesterday and that was the heights of it. I said that “I’m not your Mamma so please go to your Daddy“. How rude, how wicked and how idiotic is that to say to a child of 4YO? I’m completely out of mind! I’m going nuts and I hate it. I hate myself for being so mean to people around me.

God, please save me! Please don’t let me break down like this. This could be fatal, for Chirpy. She will not understand and she is not supposed to understand my state. She is too young and I’m too old to behave like this with her.

I want strength to go on for next 10 days. I want to be happy for the unborn too. It must be feeling all that I’m feeling.

God please grant me the serenity to behave and stay normal. I want to be a good mother to my kids. I want to be a good wife to my husband who is doing so much day and night just to be by my side in however way he can be.

I’m in tears but I don’t want to cry. I’m in distress but I don’t want to feel sad. I want to smile and wait through the remaining time to reach out to the other end of this journey. Life is going to be good, different and I want to be ready to embrace it.

I guess I’m simply mentally tired and physically too. And I’m still working in office, so maybe it is adding it up. Or maybe I’m just going crazy about nothing! Or I’m eagerly waiting for the new baby. Or all of it together! I’ve no clue, I feel helpless!

Food Categories & Options!

We are a pure vegetarian family. However, there is an addition to this. My family, that is my parents (actually only father) and father’s side relatives are a mix. I’ve eaten non vegetarian food since my childhood and continued till a long time, until I met the man of my dreams, my Husby😉 . The only condition he put forward me before committing was to ask me to convert myself into pure vegetarian, which technically, I should be being a Brahmin.

I considered this a major sacrifice,not. I instantly agreed since his value certainly was much more than eating flesh. And so I became a vegetarian, pure ! I never felt I was missing something in my life.

When we had Chirpy, sometimes in our random conversations it came up whether we want her to be a non-vegetarian or not. I was very clear from the start that I would never tell my daughter to be or not to be a non-vegetarian. My thought process says when you tell someone to not do something all the time, there comes a moment when that someone is tempted to at least try that thing once in his/her life.

Recently, while watching a cookery show with Chirpy, the cook on the screen annouced that he’ll be making a non-vegetarian dish next. On listening to this, Chirpy reacted in this manner, literally

Eww! This is dirty, we don’t eat all this and let’s change the channel

I was shell shocked. I felt bad for the kind of reaction she gave. I wondered why she reacted in this manner and when I dug out for information she told me the source. Apparently, my MIL had sometime back reacted in this manner and she caught that expression and words and repeated it. She being staunch vegetarian and carrying the age old norm of a Brahmin being pure vegetarian etc.

While I would always abide by the commitment that I made to Husby before getting married, I would still not prefer disrespecting someone else’s choice of food. So with the same thought, I made Chirpy understand this:

This is a category of food, called non-vegetarian. There are people who choose to eat it and there are people who don’t eat this category of food. Since this is someone’s food, if not yours, this is a choice that someone has made. And no food deserves to be reacted to as “ew” any given day. It is your choice whether you want to eat it or not, but never ever disregard anyone’s choice or that person for that matter.

Chirpy understood and promised me that she won’t react in the manner that she did earlier. No where in our conversation I told her not to opt for non-veg food. All I told her was our family has made a choice to not eat this category of food. I don’t want to delve in the discussion of being Brahmin  etc and casticising her thoughts right now. So I omitted this detail.

I feel she is very young to be directed and not very young to be directed. If you know what I mean! I want her to know all the options that she can have, what we as a family follow and what she as an individual wants to opt for. I want her to know, think and choose accordingly. Though, this is the only place where I and Husby don’t agree with each other. He is obviously not of the view to ‘allow’ her to eat non-veg but that’s okay. That’s his thought and choice to bring his daughter up🙂