What happens when one fine day your existence is shaken by a fact that you were adopted years ago ?

How do think would you deal with this situation ? How do you think you would react ? What could be the possiblities you would consider ?

Would you like to find out the truth,your birth parents or would you be able to dump it,forget it ?

Will you be the same and the people around you..your ’till now’ family will remain same ?

Lot of books have picked up this issue of adopted children and a movie that I recently came across- ‘AMU‘. Currently the book that I’m reading- Nora Robert’s “Birthright” deals with this issues with other issues simultaneously. I’ve also bought one book recently which supposedly has the similar issue [since I’ve yet to start reading the book,read the review only]- Shilpi Gowda’s “Secret Daughter”.

What is one suppose to do with this kind of fact of life ? It’s shocking for sure and breaks your entire universe into pieces. It’s a difficult emotional ride which one cannot escape. Though at the end of the day we know it’s a movie or a book…but think about it..really..there could be these cases in reality too..what must they be going through ? Questions that arise in mind are..

Why would someone want to tell the adopted child that he / she was adopted [when it has not been told since ages]

Why would someone [read: adoption parents] not want to tell the truth to the child as he / she matures to handle the truth ?

Why on earth adoption is made such a hue and cry ? I mean it’s a noble cause and let people who are genuinely wanting to do it ! I’ve had a first hand experience in my of my cousin brothers and SIL have adopted a girl child and they had to go through a great grill before they could bring the child home !

Finally, why would people want to adopt a girl child ? Why is it on priority ?

Don’t get me wrong here..I myself want to adopt a girl child may be few years down the line…but I have my own reasons behind ‘girl’ child adoption…I think if I can’t save all the other girls in the world being exploited [most of them] then at least I can do my bit by adopting one and giving her a better life and a family who will care ! Not that boys are not being exploited…but there is this bias of gender somewhere in my mind..forgive me for this…but I still feel a boy would still manage his life somehow…but a girl who is disowned by her birth parents would fall into wrong hands [most of the times]…I may be totally wrong ..but this is what I think ! Also when I’ve a limitation of adopting one child then it would be a girl !

Which sex would you choose if you were to adopt a child and why ?


38 thoughts on “Questions

  1. I have a plan to adopt too..someday. And it will be a girl because I want a girl child. No other reason 🙂

    And I wonder many times too…what if my parents told me I were adopted and stuff. And I can clearly say at this stage that it won’t make a difference. I’m mature enough to take it, see my family as my family because that’s how they’ve treated me all these years. It won’t make any difference now.

    1. that’s a brave answer..and I liked it 🙂 Ideally it should be like this only…what you’ve gained all these years is what makes you what you are..but the real situation might as well put you through lot of emotional trauma.. that’s what I questioned…how would a person feel..terrible to even imagine !

  2. All these stories that go around when u are younger to tease u and get a reaction: ” We bought u for Rs. 10/- from that lady at the store, or for prawn heads (I never understood why ppl would exchange babies for that) or the stork dropped u in the mail box…I used to seriously get irritated many times. And worst of all, I saw my brother in swaddles! but he never saw me, and none of my cousins saw me born either as they were away at school, and I suddenly had no proof!! …Imagine my horror!! god! I ran to MJ and she shooed off all the offensers and cuddled me to her and told me how we have the same set of eyes and same curly curly hair and I was relieved … I’ll be shattered for sure if I ever know, but will not go hunting for those biological parents, family for me still remains my 3 … :):):)

    The film, Kabhi kabhi…when Neethu Singh goes off to find her mother played by Waheeda Rahman …

    1. oh darling..I can imagine your fury at that time 🙂 And I totally loved the way aunty cuddled you up and soothed your worry with answers you could trust 🙂

      Yeah, the movie..haven’t seen it yet but I’ve an idea of the story

    2. 😀 aww poor you…

      I too was threatened as a child that I was bought from the scary looking woman who sold vegetables in our area, and if I didn’t behave and eat properly, she’ll take me away 😛

      sigh… it’s a wonder we all are sane without therapy 😛 😛

  3. Nice post Nu… I am totally in support of adoption… although, gender is not that big a deal. But when I do picture bringing a baby home, I picture a girl 🙂 When I picture AB playing with our adopted baby, I picture a boy 🙂

    Someday… someday for sure 🙂

  4. Well i would adopt a girl for exactly the same reasons u started Nu. i would def adopt should i do be able to have kids for any reason and i know my entire family and IL’s will totally back me on this one.

    However if i do have a biological kid – am not sure i will be able to treat both my biological kid and the adopted one equally,…i would always fear giving more attention to the other one! Sorry if this makes me seem small but i dont think i will be able to handle it 😦

    and should i know i am adopted it wouldn’t have made one bit of differnce!

    1. I agree with your fear that you’ve expressed and I appreciate the honesty ! No it didn’t make you look small by stating that you might attend your biological kid more..which is but natural right now to say since we are discussing hypothetical situation…


  5. I always wanted a girl if I had not had Buzz and I was thinking of adoption ‘a girl’ it would be. The reason for a girl you ask. Truthfully I don’t know. It has always been my preference.

    As for adoption now. I don’t know anymore Nu. Like Nuttie I would always be more conscious of which child I am treating how. I can see myself over compensating to the adopted child, which I think would be unfair to Buzz. Then I will feel guilty and over compensate on the other side..and will get in this endless cycle.

    Sigh human emotions are over complicated..and each child deserves equal share of love and hugs..No playing favorites.

    I know I come out as shallow but this is the truth, not trying to be ideal or put up a front..

    1. I certainly appreaciate the honesty and your decision…As I said to’s just a hypothetical situation that we are thinking about and hence it’s really difficult to tell what would be our exact reaction to any of the questions above 🙂

      And no it’s now shallow at’s honest !

  6. I have always wanted to adopt and always wanted to adopt a girl. I always wanted a family with 2 daughters – I find it the cutest thing!

    As for letting a child know about her adoption, I feel it is better to let the child know. The way I look at it, it is better to be honest than have it dropped on her by somebody else or for her to discover by mistake..

    If I were to find out I were adopted? I would probably want to know why my parents did not let me know earlier.. I guess. Would I try and find out who my birth parents were? I don’t know.. I guess we have to be in that place to figure out, to be honest. I have read loads of books about adoptive children looking for their birth parents. I believe it helps them understand themselves better.. But I really don’t know how I would react..

      1. oh it makes me feel jealous 😦 I never had a sister 😛 I mean cousins..plenty..but so what..I have a brother aur woh bhi bahut cute hai 😛

  7. I want to adopt someday as well and want a girl child. Like T, it’s because I want a daughter. Even though I talk about being anti-babies on my blog, I’ve always held the view of having a daughter. And I think just for biology to play a joke on me, if I ever get pregnant, I reckon I will end up with a boy. And hence, the one sure way to have a daughter is to adopt a girl! 🙂

    1. Oh…and I know of a family friend that adopted a girl when I was around 11 or 12 years of age and even though we have not been in close contact (different countries) back then I was so proud they chose to adopt a girl! On the other hand, a cousin & her husband adopted a boy…to “carry on the family’s name” which to me wasn’t a good enough reason.

  8. I am definetely going to adopt a girl child, but i dont know the reason for it. i feel them very cute. I had my niece of one and half years with me for a week and i am just totally loved her company.

  9. Very nice post. I so want to read that Shilpi Gowda’s book. It is in my long wish-list. Sigh !

    Know what we had this one girl in my hostel. Indian origin and adopted by a couple in Netherlands. Now she had come to find her biological parents.

    My reason for having a daughter is slightly different. Most of my friends and family members are blessed with a girl so I have seen how to bring up a girl but same is not true with a son. So I don’t know exactly how to bring up a boy. 😀 😀

    and I loved the bond daughters share with mums. Precious. 🙂

    1. thanks 🙂 Shilpi’s book is my next read…just bought it last week..

      that’s a very cute reason by the way 🙂

      Yes..true about the bond thing…I’d love to have a daughter with whom I can go shopping and movie and have all the fun and be friends with !

  10. Adopted children should be told about their adoption from their babyhood. They accept it just like children accept they were cesareans.

    In India those who have daughters can adopt boys and those who have sons can adopt girls, or one can adopt two kids – one of each gender. (Hindu law).

    About adopted children wanting to find out who their birth parents were, I think it’s their right. If I was adopted I would have wanted to know and see who my birth parents were, if I found them disappointing, so be it. Wanting to know about one’s birth parents does not mean one doesn’t love one’s adopted parents.

    1. I appreciate this point of view..telling them right when they should know is really a good strategy.. ultimately adoption is nothing wrong..

      I too think that the child has the right to himself / herself to find about the birth parents…

  11. My mausi adopted a girl child even though she had a boy of her own, and I feel mighty proud of her and her family that stood by her decision. But, just like Nuttie and comfy said earlier, I am not sure I would be able to do justice to a kid I adopt in case I have a biological child :(..

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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