I’ve heard from lot of friends that one should not be as open to the husband as you would be to a friend. I ask why ?
Source: Google Images
The answers I get are something like these:
- A husband can never be your friend.
- Somewhere the male ego comes in picture and will spoil the relationship if you try to make it a friendship.
- No matter how hard the husband tries he can never come over the fact that he is your husband and has to play it cool at times.
- A husband will fail to switch roles of playing a husband and a friend.
- Secrets of your earlier crushes and may be relationships should definitely not be shared with your husband-he’ll never understand.
- Da..da…da..da…
So,I wonder.I keep thinking about these reasons and I have a different view. I think if you’re friends with your husband before marriage it should continue no matter what.I mean nothing changes the friendship..does it ? I agree that marriage brings in more responsibilities and brings in a little bit of changes in the way you conduct your relationship but I guess that’s just an addition…not a subtraction of friendship.
Me and hubby knew each other quiet well before we tied the knot and we continue to remain each others friends.Nothing has changed that relationship between us.I still share everything with him and he with me.Not that we don’t have our own friends to do the needful of lending their shoulders to us when we need them.But it’s just that hubby makes the best friends as compared to any other friend of mine 🙂
There are advantages too:
- A husband is available all the time in proximity.
- A husband can leave everything and run for you whereas the other friends will have some constraints some or the other times.
- You can chat with your husband late nights and no one can question it.
- You can go on holidays with your husband any time and you still do the talking and sharing !
- You can bet that your husband will not reveal your secrets to any one whereas there are slight chances that your other friends might spill it out..sometimes may be !
- The friendship between husband and wife makes the marital relationship much easier to deal with..more understanding + more consideration= less arguments 🙂
Source: Google Images
May be there are more benefits than these.And no I’m not saying that you should be friends only with your husband.Not necessary…but all I’m saying is making husband your friend pays off well enough in long term. Also, couples who are best friends to each other make great parents to their children is what I have seen..
As far as earlier crushes and relationships are concerned I think everybody has a past to share.And the person [husband or wife] who is not ready to understand and accept that-tab toh gadbad hai !! Because like any relationship marriage is based on trust and acceptance ! Me feels so,what about you ?
Stockpiling Life......for future! 
And abt crushes etc.., he hs even met a few ppl who hd a crush on me and we all joke abt it together sometimes 😉
I am nt sure if there's something which applies to everybody 😛 In my case, we hd known each other for bt 7yrs before we got married and for many yrs as just friends .. thatz before we decided to marry 😛 We were family friends. I dnt c any change in either of us. Infact, the bond of friendship hs only grown stronger over the yrs 🙂 My Dad and my husband are two of my very gud friends till date and am sure wil always be so 🙂
A husband may be a very good friend, but that does not mean I'd like to share all my secrets with him. He also may not want to do the same. The best thing about a good marriage is that it lets you feel good and secure about your relationship without feeling the need to confide about everything in life. There may be certain things in life that you may want to keep separate.Sometimes I feel more comfortable sharing with my cousins things about my own family. There are quite a few things my daughter tells me that I do not divulge to my husband because its her secret. My husband knows that and respects that part of it. I think a good marriage runs like parallel railway tracks. Always together yet separate from each other. At the same time incomplete without each other.The comment became too big. And I think I completely deviated from your original topic 🙂
I agree with u Nu and with Aparna also…Because there are certain things which should not be divulged to anyone for that matter, husbands or parents or siblings or friends or colleagues…If the husbands and wives are good friends, the life would be really really nice:)My mum always says, like the navaratnas there are something like nine states of life which we should not be made public…And this has nothing to do with trusting ur spouse or being friendly and the do…
I dont know about others, my husband is my best friend as i know him from past 8 years. 2 years back we got married. We both dont have secrets. I tell him each and everything and same from him also. So it totally depends upon the relationship. In the meanwhile, very nice post.
you know what Nu, a husband is your friend first when you have a love marriage..you guys become friends, that time you share everything, then you enter in a relationship and then you get married..but the same is not the case in arranged marriages..not all men are so understanding..they cannot face it that their wife had a relationship in past..I have seen two such relationships getting spoiled when the wife was very honest..the husband probed her a lot, said I would not say anything, don't hide things from me and when she revealed everything; he couldn't digest this fact!I believe in keeping certain things secret not because I want to hide those from him; but because I feel that gives me my space..I cannot share my "honest" views about my in laws when we have a difference of opinion with my husband because I know they are temporary and sharing them will create a turf between me and him..I think I have written a post here 😛
Dear Nu:Thanks for coming by the meanderings. I notice the template too!!! Small connections as these make lovely interactions.Now for the comment on the post: I think everyone has a secret world within them where tresspassers are prohibited. That world within seldom wishes to be made known, whoever the person is. I don't think I can comment now as I don't have a husband but only a boyfriend for eight years. Shall come back and tell you once married.Appreciate your visit to my place. Would love to meet up in the comments' section more often.Have a soulful day,Susan
Whether a husband can be a good friend or not depends on the personality of mainly the guy and even the girl. For some, the husband may be the typical 'head of the family', the authoritative types. It's not easy to strike a friendship there. In some cases, the wife may be a 'pati parmeshwar'(husband worshipping), meek, submissive types. Nope, no friendship there as well. You can only nurture a friendship as long as the concerned parties are equals, share some interests, have no ego and can laugh at themselves and each other without bitterness.Sadly it's not the case with many couples, although there is a change surfacing on that horizon…I am also with you on couples being friends naturally turn out to be better parents…Luckily, AB happens to be a friend first, everything else later! 😀
Totally agree Nu. I don't know what else to add…you've said it all. It totally makes sense that I would be a friend first to my partner, it is just so much nicer that way, I feel
For me, my would-be knows it all, for he has been my best friend for four years now. And it's only now that we decided to cement the relationship. I have, absolutely, no inhibitions sharing anything and everything with him. He knows about all my crushes, people who have had a crush on me and I too know everything. The fact that we can share everything and know that the other person loves you as much or even more with each passing day, makes the relationship stronger and more beautiful.
For me..my husband needs to be my friend first..after all he is the one constant person in your life. Everyone else will come and go..he will stay.Again that is not to say he is the only friend I have and I spend all my time with him..but a good friend he needs to be.
Me and P have been best friends for a long time before our marriage.. An important aspect of our relationship is the fact that we can talk to each other so easily. It is very important that my husband be my best-friend, and that we can share things without hesitation.
love this post. and completely agree. hubby is my best friend. we knew each other for a few years before we got married. and have now reached a stage where even if i tried, i would not be able to keep anything from him. but having said that, i have seen couples where the 'friendship' factor is distinctly missing.
@Swar: true that…If husband and wife are friends before marriage the bond only strengthens further in most of the cases Same this side..crusehs and all that..H knows about them and have met few After all it’s part of life that everyone goes through..the actual role is to understand this !@Aparana: I get what you want to say..it’s your experience that’s speaking..I mean since I’ve no kids yet so don’t know how I would deal with our friendship once I have kids..maybe I’ll follow what you do or may be not But I get the drift !@Pinoo: I totally agree that if you’re not friends with your spouse or don’t share everything doesn’t mean that you’re not trusting the other half..@Kavya: Yessss ! Me and H know each other now for 10 years and we’ve been married for almost 5 years now…have shared the same relationship of close friendship and over this period of time it has just grown to the next level @Neha: I agree with your views..arranged marriage has this slight drawback attached to them that the couple is not aware of each other totally..and sharing the views about in-laws with your spouse..wise thing said..since it would be a temporary moment it’s better not to share but otherwise being friends and sharing everything only help, me thinks @Sus: Thanks for coming here I appreciate and yes do let me know your views when you get married @Celestial: yes, the personality plays a major role..the behaviour and understanding is what makes a person what he is ! I’m glad that AB is your friend first me likey !!@T: Yes, that’s always a stepping stone to married life..to be friends first @Piyu: I totally understand your views @MD:I can completely relate to this ‘have reached to a stage where even if I want can’t hide anything’…same happens to me Ironically, yes there are couples where there is no friendship element !
What an ideal situation ! does it really happen?At my age I can only sigh:)
@Renu: Yes it does..as I said above as well..it's my own experience 🙂