Exactly when?

Came across a friend lately who wants a way out of her marriage.Said that she tried everything that could put them back together like earlier times but nothing is working out and hence she is left with breaking off..I don’t deny that she might not have tried every possible solution to save the relationship…sure she must’ve but…yes this but comes into picture! But… When is the right time to break free from a relationship ? When is the right time to know that you’ve tried everything ? Do we have any set parameter ? Any measures ? When is THE enough enough ?

When we are, may be say, marrying do we do this analysis ?Yes! Do we not take time to think whether we want to get married to xyz person or not ? Or for that matter don’t we think whether we are clicking with certain someone and then make friends with ? So,why do we make haste want to make haste while breaking ? Or we really are right when we are doing that one thing which might as well spoil lot of other people’s lives ?

I’m not just talking about my friend in particular but in general…everyone in their lives goes through a rough patch in some or the other relationship..I’ve been through a bad friendship myself..so what is the best possible way out?? Well,every relationship has a different angle to it too..a lot of things depend on the dynamics of the set up..the people involved in it…the things that matter… I agree to all of it..but ultimately it hurts..doesn’t it ? Any relationship going for a toss creates a deep tunnel in your heart which is never filled..nothing called time can also fill that vacuum…but we only realize this later..when,may be,it’s too late…after all it only happens in the movies like “Chalte Chalte” and “Raja Hindustani” where in the couple bounces back to normal times even after so much misunderstanding between them…

So, why do we want to go away from our loved ones ? What makes us behave in a manner which takes us away from our own people ? Why can’t we,each one of us in the relationship,think what can be done on our part to not let ourselves reach to the brim and spill ?

We just need to remember that our lives are not ‘chalte chalte’..so we have only one chance…love your loved ones and don’t misunderstand them..that’s the mantra..maybe 🙂

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17 thoughts on “Exactly when?

  1. Well, the ways of the heart are strange. That said, we live in a modern day world with so much noise around commerce, customers and satisfaction. Etc !Perhaps some portion of that has seeped into our tolerance levels as well. Breaking off causes permanent damage and leaves a scar. Hope all will eventually pan out well with your friend

  2. Though I am not into married life nor into any relationship but will say during the time of crisis distance of 6 months or 1 year is important to look within what went wrong. And if during the period both parties correct it is ok if not two path is the best.

  3. @Kavi: I agree with what you've said above..but still..personal relationships are the ones we bank on when everything else goes wrong in our lives,right? So why not pamper these relationships before we reach such a point where there is may be no way out ?@Hobo: I think it's sensible to stay away for a while and give each other time to think and re think…may be makes sense!!

  4. I feel that all this is in hindsight. If one would actually know that he/she is doing something wrong in a relnship, he/she would refrain from it, right?It is only after the damage is done, that you retrospect and begin to wonder what went wrong.

  5. It all depends on how strong the relation is.. stronger it is more I would put efforts to save it. However it is also true, that it hurts in direct proportion to how close/strong the relation is.. Sometimes, it is just best to let go..

  6. @G: I agree..and that's when I say that we know that the damage will cause pain and later may be we will regret…so why not take precautions beforehand ? Why not strive hard ? after all it's for us,right ?@Arbit: I agree..and it's only strong relationships that we care for..so it's given that we get emotional about strong and closest relationships only…

  7. Relationships are complicated and need a lot of work from both sides..if all the effort is made from one side then no matter how much that effort is, things don't work out.I also truly think that there is a limit beyond which it is better to make a clean break and move on rather than be miserable all life long. What that limit is..is I guess a determined by individuals.You rightly mentioned, life is not movies and things work out..smoothened out as if nothing was wrong in the end. So the best way to go is to never let a relationship get to a point where cracks begin the appear.

  8. I think it's better to give it some more time, Especially when you have invested so much into it.But then ,it's just an outsider'd opinion. May the best follows.

  9. I agree with Comfy. Needs to be worked before it reaches the threshold point!Nobody moves away from loved ones probably Nu .. may be they feel that ws the thing lacking .. love I mean? I do know some ppl get angry and speak abt ending for things which can easily be fixed .. we do need to keep our calm and think logically!

  10. @Neha: That's a wise thinking !@Swaru: yeah,could be possible..and yes we do need to keep cool when such things happen and not make haste !

  11. Some relationships may not work, in spite of trying very hard. In such a case it is best to move forward without getting bitter about the break up. It may be for the best.

  12. Hmm..these are v difficult questions and the ans mostly depend on the dynamics of the relationship, the people involved, their maturity level and such, just as you mention. Only thing we can do is do our level best to patch things up, understand each other better, get the facts right, and just let go if nothing works out.

  13. I understand that these are pretty difficult things to deal with but one option could be living apart for some time in a different environment and allowing oneself to heal and contemplate.One friend of mine had a very very rough patch with her husband and so left with her daughter to a new place and job. Now after three years, they have again started living together. But there is one hitch here: Once one starts living independently, it's too comfortable and so starting to live again with someone is a tad difficult.Hmmmm.Joy always,Susan

  14. Hi first time here,in largely female dominated conversation,my two male cents are -1. Relationships are like fingerprints.Each one is unique. Cannot 'pattern-ise it' like suggesting – try this or try that.2.When you see someone in trouble be the balance between listening ear and advising mouth. Any tilt on either end, will suck you into the problem. The law of diminishing 'marriage'nal utility suggests that relationships will get tiring, boring beyond a point.That is a fact. now one can find new ways to reignite, and keep replicating it at regular intervals or reject the idea and exit the marriage.The decision to this can be taken if the worst possible outcome is acceptable to you.you re willing to deal with it, and have the energy and intensity to continue with the same thought right through it s logical conclusion.

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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