There are females that know ‘how to’ stand for themselves. There are females who know that they should stand for themselves but don’t know ‘how to’ and then there are females who don’t know at all that they should and must stand for their rights. They sometimes don’t even know the word ‘rights’ exists for them-for female fraternity.

Ironically, we educated women know that the latter two kind of women exist but we can’t do much about that. Sometimes we might be eager to help them but it’s difficult to move them from their age old dogmas.

My heart aches for all women who fall in this category. Who forget the individual that resides within them and willingly spend their lives on the relationships like mother, daughter, wife and sister-most of the time where these relationships are not fruitful or just the ones which know taking!

But what happens when the women mentioned in the first category also behave in the way they are not expected to? It hurts. Doesn’t it? Especially when the female is very close to you-your friend, sister or a close relative?

I’ve come across one such woman who is knowingly sacrificing her desires, wishes and needs on something called being a good bahu. I object to the act of putting self in trouble and making others happy [no I don’t mean I’m against self-less love or unconditional love but] I believe it is not a wise thing to do always-specially when the ‘others’ are not ready to understand your situation, not willing to compromise even a tiny bit and they just know how to ‘use’ you-basically where ‘others’ are selfish to the core!

I know there are every kind of possibility that females will do certain things because they’ve been brought up like that, because their role demands it, because they don’t have any other option but succumb to the condition and finally because they’re helpless.

I don’t know if I’m making any point at all but there is some uneasiness within me which is not ready to accept that my close friend is going through this phase of life and knowing that she can stand for herself she is taking it as it is being served to her.

2 days back I finished reading LADIES COUPE [by Anita Nair] and the book brought me to terms with what woman actually does wrong to herself by neglecting the human being inside her, by forgetting her own existence, by  leaving herself behind and catering to others’ needs and following the customs.

I don’t want females to break the rules and bonds and go wild. I want them to balance. I know they’ve certain responsibilities on their shoulders of making a family and retaining it in its right place but that does not mean that she has to forget herself completely and serve others, does it?

I wish females would recognise their inner strength and ‘live’ their lives. I wish the environment and the culture we dwell in provides women the opportunity to live for their dreams and desires. I so wish we ‘all’ treat women as a ‘human being’ and not only ‘service provider’ who are not expected to get tired or take a pause in life.

I just wish people,specially woman herself,realize that she is a WOMAN which does not only mean Wife Of MAN.

Ladies Coupe review can be found here.




35 thoughts on “WOMAN

  1. Ok, there is so much to say on this topic.
    Me: I so agree with you on this !

    These ‘good bahus’ are people I just can’t relate to. Indian definitions of that term are so skewed, I doubt I’ll ever be one.
    Me: I know what you mean and I’m sure I can also never fit the skewed definition 😉

    Women sacrificing their desires, wishes and their whole self is nothing unheard of. What makes it very sad is that more often than not, it is the woman who chooses to do that to herself.
    Me:That’s precisely what I detest about. Especially knowing that she is capable of standing for her own rights,she is ignoring them !

    But again, we’re talking about the role social conditioning plays over the years.
    Me: Exactly!

    It is a sad and complex situation, but one that wont change. Unless women decide to free themselves of the guilt, burden and caustic beliefs they bury in their hearts.
    Me: That’s exactly my point. I wish women someday would realize their inner strength and the power to change nothing but their own life,at least !

  2. Yupe, I agree with Pepper. More often than not, it is the woman herself taking the path of the whole self-sacrifice ideology. It’s in the hands of woman to get out of that mindset and set forth a change.

    1. The book is fab,no doubts !You’ll get it online if you wish to buy 🙂

      I told you before you would realize I might be back as well 😉 Seems like an impossible effort to stay away from the Internet 😀 [read: without you guys :D]

  3. This is a very deep topic Nu… the fact that women willingly put themselves second to everything else complicates the issue. You can’t tell them they are wrong, because its what they want. It has a lot to do with conditioning I believe…

    1. Sure it’s deeper than we can even imagine 😦

      You’re spot on…willingness is the key word which really puts me off !!

      Yes conditioning plays an important role-true. But that’s not the only thing in various cases…some places women are just succumbing to the situation because they’re too busy serving others than stand for themselves….that’s where my heart aches more…for the women who can stand for themselves and also know how to but don’t move an inch ! Like my friend,whom I mentioned,is doing right now 😦

    2. Agree! Conditioning is what it is. Right from the time women are little girls, they are ‘taught’ about how good it is to sacrifice. Be it giving the last chocolate bar to their little brother to giving up their studies if the family is financially struggling. Girls are praised whole-heartedly for that. And heaven forbid if they think about themselves…they are reprimanded for being too selfish. End result is women putting everyone else first (including kids) and thinking about themselves last.

      1. I so agree with you PB !!

        But as I said the point here is also about the females who aren’t conditioned like you mentioned above and they still draw themselves to the ill-well !

        And where were you all this while ? have missed you 😐

  4. I believe every person has different limitation of the level to which he/she can make sacrifices and compromises…but the moment u stop being happy doing them..then that is the moment to stand up for yourself.

    1. You’re right Reema about the limitation part. The whole point here is that the women who are capable of moving things are keep mum about it-knowing that they aren’t happy sacrificing but still continuing !

    1. I agree that it’s the women who has to move the finger…I’m just not happy about the ones who have the fingers and can move them but aren’t doing that at all 😦

      I so hope that my friend really gets some shake of head !

  5. Its when the individual is forgotten among the roles to play by a woman, does all this happen. We shld always make sure that the individual scores more than all these….each situation is diff…its hard to generalise.

  6. There are many women around me who have done that, who are doing it. I know someone with whom I have been pleading for years now to take a stand. She is scared. But we cant do anything until the girl speaks up and learns to stand her ground. To make the matters worse they tell me thats how a girls life is and will be.
    Me: That is gross ! This is what upsets me the most when people say that’s how it should be 😦

    Some of aunts tell me thats how I have to be if and when I get married. Girls are supposed to be the ones who comprise on everything and girls are the ones who get no say in anything. They have always listen to parents, relatives, husband, in laws and even kids.
    Me: which is not true at all. I don’t live my life like this and I know many women who have their own thoughts and opinion and managing the house and the family very well-not that because they’re strong they don’t give importance to others or value the customs.

    I always oppose when they say such things, so they have concluded I m a bad example for girls. And also I will never get married because well no guy would want such an independent girl. Argue with that.
    Me: Oh dear ! Just when you don’t agree to what they are saying you become bad and tagged as a rebel !! But I differ here…there are guys who really want women who can stand for themselves and have their own thought process. Gone are the days when men wanted a cow who can do just what they wanted them to ! So,don’t worry 🙂 you’ll find a right guy 🙂

  7. women alas only know since their child hood that they have to marry and produce children…
    they are not taught abt their rights…but only duties…i strongly condemn the society for this which also include our close relatives…even if our parents want their girl to live freely but the customs and society doesn’t allow her…
    nice thoughts NU

    1. Hmm customs,society and beliefs are responsible for sure but there has to be a limit to what a female can take from all the people around….and the limit has to be drawn by the woman herself !

  8. yeah true what u say in the last line … I guess its all the social stigma and the way girls are brought up , even now in the so called educated world we tell the girls to behave and stop them doing things .. just because we feel that it will bring bad name to the family whereas guys can do anything …
    Me: Hmmmm….

    But then on other hand we have also seen some women who have taken this independance too far ,, I was horrified to read that the Average age in Orissa of a girl sleeping with a guy is 15/16 and that of a guy is 18/19… and the same in punjab well almost the girls age is 18 and the guys is 18/19..
    Me: I know..but that’s a different point altogether I guess 🙂

    Educated does not mean we are good or intelligent and do things properly , its the urbringing and the way we are brought up that has a lot of say in it.. From personal experience I think too many things are going wrong bascially we ourself dont know what we want and how to get it …
    Me: I agree. Education is way different to what our common sense can do to us.A proper use of education and knowledge is what is expected out of us which sometimes goes haywire !

    my job is such that i see it most of the days, I will give u a example cant give the details but a couple were sitting in a car chating, wrong side of road , dark place, i knocked and asked the guy whats up he says oh we are having a domestic, the girl was on drivers seat, so i left it at it and walked a step to look back to see the girl was crying, so i went to her side , opened the door and asked the guy to get out of the car, she tells me she is fine, but wants to leave.. i took her details she was a doc.. anyway to cut the story short i sent her on way because she did not want matter to go furthur.. BUT the thing that i am coming to is This educated woman, comes to meet someone in DARK secluded place, IN HER CAR, In HIS AREA.. how intelligent is that.. it is common sense you wud not do that .. wud you and this is UK…
    Me: That was so bad !! I’ve also seen such a case in Delhi.A husband and wife [I assume] fighting.In fact the husband hitting the wife literally and pulling her inside the auto and she was struggling to get away from him…A very very saddening scene to witness 😦

    education has nothing to do with anything, a friend had a affair for 4 years when the time came to marry the girl had other ideas she had someone on the side all along, and she was educated so this was all a plan all along..
    I think along with all this we need t ochange our values, get out of the medivial times , we all say we have changed BUT have we , still in majority places girls are looked down upon, dare they do anything to bring the family name down.. Until we come out of this silly rules and regualtions and ACTUALLY make woman liberated this different typoes of women you mentioned will always exist … I am not saying that they shud revolt but what needs doing is EDUCATION the so called SOCIETY 🙂
    Me: Yep !

    see i told u i will come back now look at how much i have written Ab to BRONZE milna hi chaiye mere ko he heheehhe 🙂
    Me: YAY,you kept your word 🙂 and a great comment at that Bik ! 🙂 Bronze ? Oh you get it,why not !!! 🙂

  9. You certainly made your point . I know of few people too. But I am glad my dad taught me to take care of myself too. 🙂 Why dont you let your frnd read the Ladies Coupe book? May be that can help..

    1. I think you’re right DOR…If not this way may be after reading the book she’ll know !!

      I’m so glad our parents didn’t make us follow these age old customs and made us strong to differentiate from right and wrong !

  10. You knw, this is a topic, that I can go on and on about…

    You are so right – ‘ woman actually does wrong to herself by neglecting the human being inside her, by forgetting her own existence, by leaving herself behind and catering to others’ needs and following the customs.’. As far as she as an individual is not satisfied, not completely happy, there is no point in catering to others/society. It will just result in an unhappy life for her and people around her.

    All we can hope is that women who know better, do not get into this cycle of pleasing others and then being unhappy themselves.

    1. That’s exactly my point Smithu…the women who are capable of differentiating between right and wrong sacrifices should not go the wrong way,that’s what I so wish for !!

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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