If it were you…

A school buddy sent us gang an email with a photo of a girl saying that ‘I’m thinking to marry her.What do you guys feel about it?’ and we were to give our nods or feedback or whatever as a reply to the email.

I looked at the picture of the girl and felt a little cheated for a while. What if I were the girl ? Who doesn’t even know any of the guy’s friends and moreover doesn’t know whether this marriage is going to take place or not ?

On the other hand I felt that may be my friend was sure about getting married to the same girl and hence sent us the picture and since he trusts all of us [we all do since we’re together for 15 years now] so he did what he did !

But something inside me isn’t very pleased about the whole thing….what about you ?

How would you feel if the girl were you and you would have got to know that your picture has been sent to a group of people who you don’t know.

How would you react if you were in my place,the guy’s friend ?


52 thoughts on “If it were you…

  1. If I were the girl, I would have been ok if the guy was my fiance and was telling his friends that he IS going to marry me. But as in this case, the guy saying “thinking about marrying her” and sending my picture around, I might not have liked it.

    And as if I were you, in a friend’s position, then I would send a reply with “I don’t think I am sharp enough to form an opinion about someone after seeing a picture :P”

    1. the first one I agree too and the second one…well I just didn’t reply to his email…and not lot of friends did…so may be that says that even others might not have approved of this !

  2. I have a question..how do you guys respond to that..what he is asking is if you guys like the look of the girl..That’s about it..

    If I was the girl and I found out, I would not have liked it at all.

    1. I don’t have an idea since I didn’t respond to his email and as I said above not many friends in the loop replied to the email…. the only responses posted on the loop were ‘congrats buddy’, ‘whens the D-day’ et al !

  3. Yep Yep. I’d not be too pleased if my pic was passed around, wherein my looks would be judged by people unknown to me.

    Btw, your sleep timings seem to be in harmony with USA’s 😛

    1. yeah what would people do by seeing a picture ? Judge the looks only and what else can they do 😦

      Yeah some erratic sleep schedule is making me align the timings with you all 🙂

  4. Well think of it as a situation like this… A friend next door you meet him and pulls out his mobile and shows you a picture stored in it or takes out his wallet and shows you a picture, saying “This is the girl I am thinking to Marry” What do you feel about it…Would you have been bothered? I mean this has happened to me like n number of times….I believe its just the permanent nature of an email and a casualness associated with it which might be bothering you…

    1. I know what you mean to say Prats…I know it would have been okay to see a picture on a mobile and may be talk about it but that’s that..here the picture is being circulated..given in others’ hands..that’s what bothered me…

      on the other hand I know it was circulated on trust..to friends who are for life..but still..something upset me about the whole thing and hence 😦

  5. It might be very casual for him and many others too….but I certainly dont like it, personally. I need to know, where my pic is being sent to….

    And if it had been a get-together of frnds and the guy is introducing the girl to his frnds, then it’ll be a far better scene.

  6. I agree with T .. the “thinking” part makes it a bit ewwww… I would be like first decide on your thoughts and then tell us. Then again there’s soemthing in me which says that he used the specific words for he is unsure of his friends reaction – if someone pips up and says hey I know her and she’s like thisn this .. or someone else says she looks like duh duh duh … then he can say “Hmmmmm probably valid points” .. and anyway I’m just thinking. If he said sure – it would go like everyone would say nice things thinking that he’s anyway decided on the girl – whoa re view to provide our views.
    But either way on a personal note I wouldn’t be ok with such mail feedback …. Meet me and be judgmental guys if u have to be that is – is my take!

    Pssst…. was the girl even ccd?

  7. well i am not a girl, but if I was then my question first would be How dare someone send a pic of mine without my permission to anyone …

    fiance or not.. I should know what is happening to my pic which he has of me FOR HIM not for the world to see, its somethign private

    Well we all know what the answer is gonna be to that Proposal a big FAT NOOOO 🙂
    and thinking .. pleanty more fish in the sea Mate 🙂

    ok the rant for the day is over.. 🙂 he hehe

    1. may be the girl doesn’t even know about this,so no question of she asking ‘how dare you…’

      That’s the valid point here…the girl must know what’s happening to her picture and where is it being sent…

      Oh certainly it was not a rant Bik 🙂 A valid response !!

  8. I would be disgusted! Why would he ask his friends to say what they think of this girl who he plans to marry??? I mean, what can they say from her photograph anyway?

    And for a girls(or a guys) picture o be circulated this way, to be honest, I would not be too happy.

    If he were my friend, I would probably tell him
    1. I don’t think he should have been circulating the picture in this way
    2. Since he is the one getting married, he should be the one deciding, and not asking his friends’ opinion, esp not one based on a picture.

    1. Exactly the point I had in my mind when I received this email…what would I say ? And that’s exactly what I did…sad nothing 😦

      I wasn’t happy too !

      I thought of telling him what I felt but then he had already done what he wanted to and me telling him would have not have changed anything 😦

  9. 1. If it were me, I would have hated it. Not a big fan of marriage especially an arranged one for the way it is or has been.
    2. If I were you, I would go with what T said. It’s ok if he introduced her to u then asked for an opinion but not by just showing a photo. I mean what are you supposed to say anyway?
    3. Reminds me of a post lying in my drafts. Shoul post it soon 🙂

    1. 1. I agree at some level and have thoughts about arrange marriages-will post 😉
      2. I did not react at all though has so much to say to the friend but just couldn’t react 😦
      3. Bring it on,waiting 😀

  10. Sorry, I didn’t like this idea of circulating a girl’s photo – for that matter even a boy’s photo. I think he/she should be mature enough to decide who is good for him/her rather than based on friends’ opinions. I would not like it all if I came to know about it.

  11. I would have hated it. Firstly I wouldnt want people judging me just based on looks, height, weight, complexion etc and coming to a conclusion of would i make a good wife. What else can you get from a pic expect for looks? Is it really a right way to judge if a person is worth? Secondly, you trust someone and give your pic, they have no right to circulate it without permission. Thirdly its really disgusting. If he was sure about me and tells his friends… its sweet but if he asks his friends to judge me and then make a decision for him… its not appealing at all. If he really wants his friends opinions then he should introduce the girl, not just show a picture.

    1. You’re right…judging people on these basic characteristics is not the right way..but that’s what happens in arranged marriages ironically !

      I really don’t know whether the girl was aware of her picture being circulated 😦

      Hmm right again…if he had just sent us the picture saying that this is my would-be wife may be that would have changed things !!

  12. If i were her i would have never liked it as you can not just someone merely based on a picture and moreover its not fair to circulate a girl’s pic without her permission…

    1. well that I’m really not sure whether the girl really knew about the circulation since she was not marked a CC !!

      You’re right…but you would get angry when you would know,sigh !

    1. The gang is the closest of friends we could have…as I’ve mentioned we are friends now for 15 years [beginning from school days] but still something was upsetting about the whole act !! 😦

  13. What nonsense ! Is she a sari or a dress that you pass it around and comment ? I just lost all respect for your friend. Tell your friend, this is NOT DONE. Next thing you know , FB will develop an application for people to “approve”, and guys will have 400 facebook friends commenting. Madness.

    I honestly feel like informing that girl about this. Disgusting.

    1. I know what you’re saying…I felt the same pang when I received that email..any way this is an old thing that I’ve just blogged about because it was playing on mind since then and I’ve not been able to take it out of my mind ..now they’re already married and happily at that !

      P.S. The FB thing sounds really scary and upsetting 😦

  14. A friend of mine recently sent out a picture of a girl asking us whether its a good idea if he went ahead and said ‘yes’ to her. And that friend got an earful from me because I absolutely did not like that he was circulating her foto (without her knowledge) just so that we can pass comments as to whether she is good looking or not. He did agree to what I said and promised me he wont be sending out fotos like this henceforth. ( or maybe he will just omit me from the list ;))

  15. Well, it is weird for the girl. Also, seriously, does the guy really think someone is going to replay with a ‘No, not good enough for you’ comment to such a question? And if it were ‘ I AM marrying her’, well again, does he really need an answer to that, or is he fishing for compliments on his awesome choice?
    Either way, i wouldn’t care 🙂 If my guy did it, I actually wouldn’t care I feel!

    1. Different take I must say 🙂 Actually I’m not sure whether or not she knew this !!! So there !!!

      But now they’re happily married and living a great life together..thank god for that 🙂

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