Expectations from any one are bad for health…mark my words.
Human relations are any way complex and if you add this tadka of expectations then you’re ready for a complex, multi continental, unpronounceable dish! It can cause a lot of stomach ache, rupture of intestine, umpteen trips to the loo, acidity-either or all of it-resulting into you eating a plain simple bemaro wala khana! Getting my point?
Okay, having said that [preached that actually] there is another truth which prevails all the time- Yeh Dil Hai Ki Manta Nahi. So, this Dil aka heart in English refuses to believe in any theory or prescription which assures its well being. The heart says Main Aisa Hi Hoon… so you know what chemical locha takes place when the mind says that Beta don’t do this and the heart says Main kuch bhi karu tujhe kya ..Ultimately the brain suffers in the end when the heart is in trouble!
Oh and not to forget that in between this heart and brain nok-jhok the poor human being drowns in confusion and is unable to think or decide!
So, what am I saying? That, to avoid all this imbalance of mind, heart and chemicals in our system-let the relationships be free of expectations…let them flow like a clean pure river [which is a rare find these days-thanks to pollution et al] and sail through them enjoying the waves! Not very difficult nah? In fact sounds very interesting and enjoyable…like a holiday in Swiss… [No someone just reminded me that it is over rated which is true…so let’s make it Kashmir]
Expecting is like setting benchmarks and making others perform accordingly. Why pressurize others ? Why not let them be and let yourself be too ? Isn’t it a good deal? You don’t force me to do things and I do the same… Let’s Live !!! And when I say relationships, I mean any kind of relationship that can be formed under the sky. Every relationship needs space like a home which a separate room for un-used stuff. The un-used stuff is not littered every where in the house and not we’re not expected to deal with it every now and then-it has it’s own space.
Then why can’t people get and give a tiny space in relationships?
What’s the harm in letting people float freely- two ways that is! Take one day at a time and let’s un-complicate!!!
Stockpiling Life......for future! 
1st!!!
Me: koi shak? 😉
Space .. expectations ..Lolz.. I was just having this conversation with Ma the other day !!!! U know about how I require “too much spece” in life and that I have zilch expectations from the institution of “marriage’ .. she told me one very pertinent thing that it’s obnly after we grew up and introduced her to this world “space’ that she hung on to it (she often repats it now 🙄 ) .. strangley our previous gen led a life all absolved!!!
Me: yeah the prev generation was great,wasn’t it ?
God knows how ..as for me .. even in a cringed dingy hole .. I need my space .. truly live n let live .. Nice post Nu 😀
Me: lol @ dingy hole you need space 😉
You know, theoretically its all hunky dory … but just when you arent looking, expectations slip in. This is specially true when there is a lot of love involved. You expect your spouse to do this or that, you expect your kids to be well behaved and responsible, yada yada. And then that complex, multi continental, unpronounceable dish gets cooked. Sigh! Takes a truly zen mindset to escape that!
Me: I completely agree Ritu and that’s what I’m trying to do here..to remind myself that I need to keep away from expecting !!!
I think it is quite impossible to make yourself free of all expectations. Somewhere, somehow, they have a way of cropping up. They are faint in the beginning, and once those basic expectations are met, they lead to bigger, more pronounced expectations. I am yet to meet a person who has absolutely no expectation from anyone 🙂
Me:Impossible,yes but that’s what I wish that this becomes possible that we all rise a level above and start breaking the boundaries that we create for each other….I know sounds like preaching but I really wish I’m able to do this!
Agree with u. I NEED my time and space,
Me: 🙂
Yes, Nu, for any relationship to sustain and grow, its important that the persons involved allow themselves to give each other enough space. I’m with you on that 🙂
Me: 🙂
But I have a slightly different take on the expectation part. I agree with Ritu, it seems quite hunky-dory by the sound of it. I feel if you are in a relationship, be it a mother-daughter, a husband-wife, father-son, boyfriend-girlfriend, any relationship will have some amount of expectation thrown in knowingly or unknowingly. For eg, even when you say we should give each other enough space, we’re kind of expecting the other person to give that space,right?
Me: yes you’re right but expecting this is alright….what I feel setting expectations for other to perform according to our needs becomes slightly out of reach for that person to fulfil…I feel this is where we need to control our strings…
I’m a mother and I’m raising my daughter hoping and fully expecting that she will grow up to be a well-behaved, assertive and independent woman. But at the same time I know I’m expected(by her) to give her enough freedom and space to dream and decide on her own what she wants from her life.
Me: which are basic expectations both ways…fair enough,right?
Likewise, in my role as a wife, I know I can expect from my husband to be sensitive towards me and respect me for what I am just as I know he will expect me to be the same with him.
Me: True !
These kinds of expectations are a given in any relationship, Nu. I dont think its wrong. Its when these expectations cross the limits and people begin to take each other for granted that alarm bells start to ring. And thats when we all have to be careful to NOT allow ourselves to take each other for granted 🙂
Me: exactly my point here ! When basic expectations take a slightly different shape they become a burden on relationship and that is the point everything starts going drain side…like expecting the other one to do exactly what you wish the person to or expecting the other person to change according to your needs and wants !
I’ve ranted, haven’t I?? Your post is the culprit, dont blame me 😛
Me: LOL Deeps..I loved your rant so I’ll not blame the post but credit it 😉
Excellent post!
Me: Excellent comment 🙂
Deeps, I can only second everything you’ve said here! Can’t add anything to that!
Me: You’re right Smithu..Deeps has listed all points here 🙂
Very thought provoking post Scribbler and love ur gravatar !!
Me: Thankiie 🙂
I agree one must lower one’s expectations to be happy in a relationship but many a times it is easier said than done
Me: sadly yes it’s easier said than done 😐
I think we shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations rather than just no expectations…unrealistic expectations are what lead to pressure and disappointment.
Me: Yes that’s what I feel too !
Like a friend of mine who expected that the person she went out with would have a car, have a certain amount of money etc etc and then when the guy she dated didn’t match up to those unrealistic expectations, she pressurised him to the extent they broke up.
Me: oops !
If only its so easy.. as you said to stop it … as you said DIL HAI KI MAANTA HI NAHIN ,
Me: yeah,if only…
its very difficult to achieve and i dont beleive there are people who can say oh they dont expect.. NO I dont beleive that at all, somewhere or someplace things happen and expectation does creep in especially if you are doing something over and over and over again.. its the same as I call someone a few times, a day comes when a little expectation come in that maybe today let him/her call me 🙂
Me: little expectations are fine and can be dealt with…what screws up a relationship is going overboard and expecting out of borders !
As a HUMAN one cant get away from it , you can say you dont expect but it hurts or you might think.. I can understand the space , giving of space thats totally true…
Me: yeah
Bikram’s
Space – yes, I agree. Every relationship needs that…no matter how close the people involved.
Me: True that!
Expectations – in a perfect world, yes one shouldn’t have expectations. But how possible is that? I mean, no matter how much I try, I see some or the other expectation creeping in every now and then. I guess as long as one doesn’t pressurize the other person too much because of their own expectations and be understanding, it should be fine. 🙂
Me: pressurize is the key word here 🙂
Space is a always required in every relation no matter what…
And expectations… That’s a part of being human….
Me: rightly said..part of being human 🙂
woooooaaahh… deep!
..if only it was as easy to practice 😛 dil to baccha hai ji 😀
Me: yeah if only S 😦
Expectations, relationships! Uff. I wish they didn’t exist. But you explained it well. Nu suddenly turns thoughtful and philosophical! 😀
Me: lol and reading your comment she turns lol too 😉
Kitna sochti hai tu Nu 😮
Me: So you agree that I can and I do 😀
Enniway, I agree that space is a necessity! And expectations is the benefit of relationships 🙂 So I agree with what you say.
Me: TY,TY !
but seriously, everytime I check my reader, your number of posts go up to almost double! Slow dowwwwwn! :O
Me: lol there are again 3 ready to read and comment…go get to work 😀
Good post NU.
Me: Thanks AH 🙂
Not sure how I missed it earlier despite me being your loyal reader 😦 [ NO thanks to the disloyal Feed reader] . I read this post only after I saw it at Blogadda today.
Me: Aww.. but I got to know about the pick up only because your comment 🙂
Interesting way of expression.
Me:Thanks SRA,welcome here 🙂
Congratulations Nu, on the tangy pick!!!
Me: Hey thanks Smithu…just got to know 🙂
thought provoking post but personally I think its not possible to not have any expectations, its human way of working
Me: I agree completely and that’s what the whole point is…can’t we not stop believing that it’s humna to expect and believe that we can do without expectations and dwell into relationships…I know a lot of gyaan here and difficult one to implement but if at all we are successful we’ll be free of other negative emotions,I think !
congrats on the blog adda pick
Me: Thanks 🙂