How much is enough?

PDA…heard a lot of this abbreviation and must have had all set of arguments and debates around it. But even today I still stand against this. Not that I don’t love hubby. Not that I don’t like holding his hand in public. I certainly like that and do all of it but that’s that. There is a thin line as to what you want to display and what you want to hide from the free audience that is available and is eager to stare at you, any time anywhere for such ‘shows’.

After all there is a reason why these things are called ‘private moments’. I know that every sane and insane person knows about holding hands, smooching and kissing and loving and every damn thing-but does that mean we do it openly anywhere and everywhere? I think that’s a major thing that separates us from the animal species, right?  It’s like everyone knows the anatomy of human body so why wear clothes? Why hide what you’ve?

What made me write whine about this today? Well, we were at CCD today evening and what do we see there? A teenage couple enters, chooses a table right in the middle of the space and start smooching and touching and kissing on the cheeks and whispering in the ears….it almost seemed like foreplay, I swear! And as if they didn’t have enough of the show going on, they pay the bill and go straight to the ‘Dominos’ outlet which is exactly in front of this CCD [both outlets have glass doors] and grab a table in the corner there [how does it matter when all 3 walls are glass doors!] and start the same business there. By the face of it they seemed well educated, rich and sensible-but alas their deeds said it all-they just looked sensible and sane by the face of it, hah!

I know ‘to each his own’ and all that stuff. I’ve no right to talk about others or judge them by what they’re doing, especially when I don’t know them at all but that’s precisely why I didn’t go to them and told them to stop the nonsense, right ?

Go ahead and call me an orthodox, 1950s generation or a spoil sport or whatsoever you wish to but this is what I think. I don’t think just because me and my husband or couples like us don’t kiss and smooch in public we are not romantic or don’t love each other.

And this is not that the first time I’ve seen this drama going around. Talk about movie theatres and specially the movies which have only 10-15 audience. These movies are the favourites of these kinds of couples. With space and time they get darkness too in the same amount-how intelligent is that!

But all of it I’ve witnessed in Mumbai till today. Indore is still considered to be a small city as compared to the biggies on the map of India despite of having all the glitter from the metros. But this was one thing which hadn’t touched Indore-or at least I thought so. Like, you still have heads moving in the direction of a low waist jeans or pair of eyes rolling when a hep dressed girl walks into the mall or a theatre or people still go ‘haw’ to see someone in swanky clothes and accessories or the time is yet to change to the ‘grocery-at-your-door-steps’. You get the drift, right?

But when today I saw PDA happening here as well I was shocked and disappointed and now I think I need to brace myself up to see more such scenes emerging right out of some M&B or a Harold Robbins novel. Sigh!

By the way there are few questions popping up in my mind to the people who belong to the ‘I-believe-in-PDA’ category:

>What do you achieve out of it?
>How does it feel to know that your actions are being noticed and stared at?
>If you’re okay to display ‘it’ in the public do you do that at your home too in front of your kids/parents/relatives/servants et al?
>What’s the purpose of PDA?
>Does it give you the satisfaction of carrying I-don’t-care attitude and we-live-in-democratic-country feeling?

Interestingly, if you belong to the ‘OMG-what-the-hell-is-going-on’ category and don’t know how to react to this situation here is a suggestive tutorial for you.

And those who want to know what’s good, bad and ugly about PDA please read this.

Finally I just want to say one thing that I’m not against the people who do it. I’m against their actions. It’s okay to disagree right? So there! And since this is my blog and a space where I can express my views about whatever I feel like-I’ve done exactly that-pressed what I think about PDA. Anyone who thinks it’s okay for a couple to exercise PDA-don’t take me wrong-you’re right at your place and me at mine,ya?

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34 thoughts on “How much is enough?

  1. I perfectly understand wat you mean its disgusting, but i think its more to do it being in india, if you know what i mean, here in uk even though the society is very open still you dont find such things that often…

    I would have got up and went to the couple and told them to get a ROOM .. back home we are taking the liberal approach to be too much …

    I do find it vulgar , though i got nothing against a peck or a whisper in the ear but OVERDOSE of everything is bad…

    I hope you have calmed down by now 🙂

    You got my point…an overdose of anything is too bad ! Sigh…yes yes I got over it the moment I pressed this post 😉

    1. Am with you, Bikram – even in the UK – it is not so common to come across PDA of this sort.. I have never seen it in any coffee outlet or anything in the 6 years that I have been here..

      Sigh and we blame it on the west most of the times !

  2. I’m totally with ya! 🙂
    🙂

    Just hate PDA’s and its even worse when it starts to take to an inappropriate level! INDECENT!!!

    yes as I mentioned holding hands,hugging,sitting close it still okay types…why do something to embarrass others ?

  3. I too don’t like PDA… Somethings are better private…. 🙂 But again I’m kind of neutral towards it… I don’t like it that’s that… but I don’t care if others do it…

    I’m okay too if others do it but then crossing the limits amazes me by tonnes!

    However sometimes it gets too irritating and its then that I feel like saying “get a room guys”…I guess there are somethings which education can not teach…

    Yes, but here we talking about every other couple falling under the tag ‘couple’ !!

  4. To each his own..I don’t think I would mind one way or the other.. and these days there is no big city, small city.. so get use to it I say 😀 😀

    I agree these days it’s same all across…but as mentioned in the post there are still some things which are not very common in my city yet and hence when I saw it happening it made way to this blog 😉 I think being neutral is the way to go 🙂

  5. PDA hataao abhiyaan shuru karte hain 😀

    lol S 🙂

    am also totally against it 🙂 but it’s ok to hold hands, lean or put arms around during a movie 😛 display of affection is good, but in a limit! right?

    exactly what I meant !

  6. PDA is fine if its within the limits. I wont mind it if its sweet and spontaneous you know… you can feel the love. But when it goes beyond that into disgusting category I m not OK.

    totally agree !

  7. And then, it also boils down to your definition of PDA. Like you said, how much is too much? Mint and I always pull in for a hug if we feel like it, without caring about the place we are in. In fact, I just uploaded a pic of us hugging on the street.

    I don’t mind people hugging and we too do that in public place..

    You asked some questions and I can answer them in detail, but this comment will become too long.

    oh c’mon bring them on 😉

    I know a lot of couples who feel the need to kiss, (or whatever) but don’t have any room to go to. They aren’t married and can’t afford rooms in hotels.

    okay right but what about the couples who are married-if availability of rooms is the point in question ! Also I would like to mention that me and H have dated each other for 4 years before we tied the knot and yes we had our moment of ‘feeling the need to kiss or whatever’ but we certainly didn’t indulge in public place-this when even we had no room 😀

    Honestly, I have nothing against PDA. Even if it is wild making out. I do feel curious enough to stare and find out what they are doing.. 😛 but I try and look away. I don’t treat it as an eye sore at all.

    lol sometimes me too but most of the times I get irritated !

    I can rant more, all in defense, but I’ll stop here.

    Carry on pal, this space is all yours 🙂

    All I want to say is I’m against too much PDA. We too hug and hold hands and lean on shoulders but we know our limits and we don’t want to make our private life public. And as I said to each his own…I’ve just expressed what I feel about the whole ‘extreme’ PDA thing 🙂

    P.S. I like such comments where in both side have to say a lot and can go on debating without feeling offended 🙂

  8. Ha! I have had some other experiences too – People who hold hands and walk together all the time have asked G and I why we dont do it! We do but only when we feel like it.

    yeah one should feel like doing it be it holding hands..not to show off 🙂

    Its like just bcos we dont hold hands all the time and dont whisper sweet-nothings in each others’ ears all the time and dont keep touching each other all the time, we have no romance between us! Beat that!

    Sigh ! I know what you’re saying !

  9. Public display of affection! sahi hai Nu…how much is enough? I think it is down to individuals who display it and individuals who watch it. I would agree with what Harini has said.

    I like the way you’ve put it… 🙂

  10. Well, we hug and kiss in public – but I think it is more of an affectionate thing rather than, trying to make out in public sort of thing. The sort of stuff that you described, is in my opinion a bit on the ‘too much’ side, in my opinion.. I am not comfortable with that sort of display.

    same here !

    Then again, they are entitled to do what they want – each to his own.. If they are comfortable with it- so be it. The problem with setting limits is that some might find holding hands unacceptable PDA too. One person’s comfort zone might be crossing limits by another person’s standards. So where would one set a limit? So I would rather not think in terms of limits or no limits. Yes, some displays do make us uncomfortable, I guess, the only option we have is to ignore what makes us uncomfortable.

    there you go… we don’t know who shall set the limits and what should be those ! And that’s why the question ‘how much is enough-in public’ ! Yeah finally the only option is to look away and press that ignore button 😀

    1. Totally agree with u Smiths! While this level is too much for us, I am not sure who can set limits on what is acceptable and what is not! All I can do is look away and ignore.

      Yes who sets the limit is THE question..I think we set limits for ourselves and that’s how some agree and some do not…

  11. hmm… The problem comes while setting the limit. knowing how much is ‘too much’, and that unfortunately is different for everyone.

    true that Neha !

    In some cultures, even holding hands publicly might be (and is) unacceptable. So I guess there is no certain rule to it.. For me, as an audience, I dont really care what people do around me.. I mean, I dont find watching people making out in front of me amusing, or annoying or anything for that matter. As a participant, I am comfortable with holding hands, a hug/peck on the cheek.. and this comfort level is irrespective of whether I am in Us or India,..

    hmmm…I hear you !

    So to sum up, I neither support nor am against PDA.. But displaying affection just to prove a point (to prove your coolness, or devil-may-care-attitude) to people around you is not acceptable…

    agree ! proving to others is utter non-sense I say !! 🙂

  12. You live in Indore??? My nani lives there and I’ve been to Indore a lot of times.

    yeah next time you’re here let me know 🙂

    Hmm, so it’s getting murkier there. Yeah, the sort of PDA u are talking about is certainly tasteless and actually embarassing for people who end up being uninvited witnesses so to say. Can’t really understand the logic of such pompous display of love.. as you rightly said, they are private moments that a couple enjoys and it’s really senseless to involve a public… contradicts their own actions, right?

    contradiction is the word !

    Indore has been a laidback place for as long as I knew it.. shocking to hear about this incident.

    laidback ..it’s still like that 🙂 aram ki zindagi 🙂

  13. I’m right with you on this one Scribbler. I hate PDA, you may call me old fashioned but it embarrasses me a lot !

    I’m not calling you old fashioned at all… 🙂 or may be others can call us both like that 😉

    Forget restaurants, Lodhi garden in Delhi is less famous for the fantastic flower displays it has every spring and more for the couples smooching and rolling about in the grass ! Its sickening. Earlier it was in nooks and corners and behind shrubs but these days its right there in the open – as if they want every visitor in the garden to see them ! I took my 12 yr old niece and 6 yr old nephew there and believe me it was downright embarrassing. We couldn’t find a suitable spot to have a picnic coz all we found was couples writhed in embraces everywhere!

    OMG,ridiculous !

  14. well – I do agree when you say – “how much is too much” But, me thinks – a hug, a quick peck on the cheek (you know, as a greeting), holding hands is OK.

    I too don’t mind this Pixie 🙂

    But, what you have described – kind of makes a lot of people uncomfortable and it is quite disgusting as well when certain boundaries are crossed in public!

    yeah that’s why I felt irritated…I know I should just ignore..next time I spot a couple like this all I’m going to do is remember all these comments 😉

  15. You wrote my thoughts 🙂 I have encountered these things many times. Whatever you have mentioned, i absolutely agree. But we cant do anything. Just ignore.. Thats all we can do..

    yeah ironically we just can’t do anything but crib or simply ignore ! I think ignoring is a better idea,what say ? 🙂

  16. It eez all about setting the limits 😀 But I guess to each his own! We all have our own limits when it comes to dressing, general behavior, way of talking and the same way even PDA!

    you’re right 🙂

    So technically, I have nothing against it! I might smirk or grin, but it doesn’t anger me 😀 Our level of PDA, while holding hands is a regular affair, a peck once in a while, or even hugs is ok by our standards! 😀

    same pinch on ‘our’ standards 😉

    Oh, I saw one comment about how this kind of PDA was not even in UK, and I disagree! One month there and I saw too many tongues-in-mouths (pardon the language ;)) especially in the Tube stations! Egad!

    Aiing !! what-so-ever…so it does come from west huh ? 😉 and no pardons for the language..crisp and clear that is 😉

  17. I agree with DI and go *Ditto* … as a 20 year old on the Oz shore .. a couple walking holding each other bums made me go :roll; but then back to my land as I saw around big cities .. small towns.. it made me realise that to each his own ..

    Then of course personally Spice Girls taught me that too much of everything is jsut as bad … and moreoever ‘we’ never really wanted to make it big in public. i think more than Display I would crave a feeling of affection – which to me might be loking back to a smiling face as I stand at the queue and to the girl in front might be holding hands and nibbling ears ..

    It disgusts me at times and mostly leaves me non chalent .. but then definitely doesn’t make you old fashioned Nu – its all perception – which barely has any logic beyond the mind it resides in .. for to others they say – we have our own! 😀

    🙂

  18. There is a severe space crunch in cities, be it small or big and that’s, I think, is the main reason for the PDA.

    I hear what you’re saying Ajju but I’ve seen married couples too in Mumbai indulging…

    Today’s guys have become shameless and indifferent to onlookers as a result. But they should be at least decent and sadly that seems to be missing. Modern age and lack of restraint are the culprit. But I think with age decency, shame and etiquette would come.

    I wish ‘age’ was the factor which could have mellowed these couples down…but sigh no !

  19. I totally agree with you… I believe we have gone a bit too far in following the western world and may be have gone ahead of them too. At a very distant level I believe the Moral policing is somewhat a reaction to what has stemmed in our society.

    I agree with how you’ve put it Prats…!!

  20. I see such PDA in my office also these days. If there was some dark spot they would be kissing also god only knows. These ppl don’t seem 2 realise how awkward others feel when we happen to look at them by chance.

    actually that’s what…it’s about our awkwardness and sadly not theirs 😦 and office? sheesh !!

  21. This reminded me of an incident few years ago. We had gone to a new year party. My brother’s friend got a cultural shock … He could not digest the fact that couples smooch so openly and were proud to have that scene being clicked and filmed… He was so embarrased that he didnt know where to look….

    sad!

  22. Agree, agree, agree…..Also isnt it strange how cathartic blog writing is…The moment I throw up my thoughts, my anger, my resentment, I feel lighter…People might agree or disagree..Thats a different story.

    yes that’s what blog space is all about,right? empting your mind without thinking of the consequences 🙂 differing is okay that doesn’t make us enemies 🙂 and that’s the best part of blogging…an open forum to agree,disagree and express our views ! 🙂

  23. There is another obvious form of PDA that gets on to my nerves. The status message PDA!
    I have come across many statuses that read “It’s so cold. I miss my husband’s warm hugs” “Cooking with my sweetie pie god-sent husband” and such.
    They irk me. I don’t know why make your private life SO public.

    lol G did you really read these kind of status updates? We’ve loads of silly people around it seems 🙂

    1. right right…this irritates me too…i have come across such messages from my facebook friends…really annoying. i dont see anything cool about it.

      yeah I’m with G and you too..though I’vent come across any such status message yet but the idea doesn’t click in my mind !

  24. How are you? It has been a long time.

    I’m good,thanks 🙂 yeah long time !!

    I agree with you, there is a limit on what one can do, and anyway, how long can one enjoy a pda, both the people who are doing it and for the people who are forced to watch it. After sometime it becomes boring.

    boring,yeah and irritating too !

    Happy New Year!

    thanks and wishing you a great MMXI ahead 🙂

  25. to each his own is what i think…if it bothers me, i turn ard and not look, that’s all.. 🙂

    yeah that’s the best one can do but sometimes it is irritating 😦

  26. reminds me of the incident when Amma was here… we were travelling by train and sitting away from each other. after a while I turned to look at her and noticed that the couple sitting right across here were into a full-fledged PDA. after we got down at the station, I asked her if she was sleeping in the train. “no way! i couldn’t miss the matinee show” was the answer 😛

    lol !! Amma rocks 🙂

    jokes apart, I am not bothered by it at all 😀

    sigh I need to reach to that stage yet !

  27. Agree with you word by word….PDA is not for me….certainly it stops to holding hands or a maximum a hug…nothing beyond. Those are private moments between two people, so personal to both of them and certainly not for the outside world to see, is my view.

    and in my view your view is right 🙂

  28. Each to their own I say. You are definitely entitled to your views Nu without people saying you are ‘orthodox’ or ‘old-fashioned’.

    thanks PB 🙂

    I am not sure where I am…on the one hand, I don’t mind if couples have their arms around each others waists and share the occassional kiss in public.

    Probably I’ll too will be okay with this much PDA !

    But a couple of months ago I saw a couple lying on a grassy area near the beach on a sunny evening practically on top of each other…they were this close to having sex with their clothes on and all I could think of was “get a room”!!! So yeah, for me, there’s limits to PDA 😛

    that’s gross ! sheesh!!!!!

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