Dear Chirpy-Being Judged

Dear Chirpy,

All my worries go out of the window the moment I hug you…the moment I see your innocent face..I like watching you when you’re fast asleep that gives me time to take in all your sweetness and simplicity. No wonder it is said that children are god’s gift. Yes you’re my prized possession,my gift for life. I love you to the core but wait a minute do I even have to say this to you? Don’t mothers all across the world fall in love with their children every single time they see them? You’re growing right in front of my eyes and today I don’t regret for a moment to have become a stay at home woman. Yes it pinches some times and my heart aches too when I think about the good old times spent in office,working,the hustle bustle of my life and not to forget the fat pay check on last day of each month. But then that’s being human isn’t it? to miss somethings while being into something else?

In all these letters that I write you I’m being honest with you Chirpy-that’s what my first lesson to you would be-to be honest to self and to others. It’s quiet addictive I’m telling you! You are honest for once and you feel happy about yourself,lighter and merrier! Okay but this is not the point right now. This lesson can wait. Right now I’m wanting to share something with you-

I’m being judged. Not that I’vent been judged earlier so then what’s the big deal now you ask? It is a big deal today for me cause today I’m being judged as a mother.I’m being judged because I leave you home with gran-ma for couple of hours and go out to do my chores,sometimes have a cuppa coffee with a friend and catch a flick with your dad. Point to note here is your dad is not being judged at all-reason being simple-fathers are not supposed to sit at home all the time with their children but mothers are-especially the stay at home mothers. I don’t know what will you feel about it when you understand things or when you read this. But I want to tell you that going out leaving you behind doesn’t mean that I forget you or I don’t care for you or I’m not a mother type. Tell me how does one define a mother type? Ah..forget it !

If parenting means to stick to your children ALL the time of the day,giving up on your time,your hobbies,your likes and dislikes then sorry I’m not the ‘kind of parent’ one should have. I do understand that there are alterations to be made once the baby arrives and I’m all for it-after all I asked for the baby so I’m ready to change my lifestyle but ‘changing’ lifestyle doesn’t mean converting my self into a NEW me altogether or does it? If yes then please tell me where will I get a new me,which shop? which website? huh?

Chirpy, mamma needs her time too and she loves living life by doing her things but of course not at the cost of ‘dumping’ you alone [as per the judges you see]. I know someday you’ll know all this and would not regret having me as a mother or would you?

In hope of a understanding between you and me,

Yours Aai.

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21 thoughts on “Dear Chirpy-Being Judged

  1. Oh Scribby! Big Big Hugs. Don’t worry too much about these people. It is perfectly normal, in fact it is better for you and Chirpy that you take these breaks. Because it makes you feel connected with the outside world, relaxes you and more importantly makes you want to rush back to Chirpy. And how much more love does she get because of that?

    Forget what these people are saying. You are doing just fine. And Chirpy will always know you as the perfect Mom just as we all know our moms to be that way.

    Hugs again.

    thanks for the hugs comfy,they helped 🙂

  2. oh dear, I understand what you are saying.. hugs… forget about all such folks…
    Moms do need time for themselves..Happy Mama = Happy Baby.. it is that simple…
    You know what, let me add one more thing, apart from you getting your own time, you should try to accommodate Date night with your husband once in a while… Chirpy would grow up confident and happy knowing her mom n dad are happy

  3. Sigh…people are so quick to judge aren’t they? And mothers are the perfect targets world over. Happens here too. Apparently, once you are a mother, you cannot have a life of your own. How dare you think about going out to watch a movie or have a cup of coffee or god forbid, back to work!? I always say sucks to these people. Poeple who judge have no better job and like to feel superior. Reminds me of the mother-in-law in Everybody Loves Raymond constantly judging Deborah as a ‘bad mother’ and a ‘bad wife’. Hugs to you Scribby…

    yeah mothers seem to be the soft targets for people to judge…especially the first timers! grrrr…and what hurts the most you know? That these judges are none other women !!!

  4. I dont think there is a single mother who doesn’t gets affected by being judged for their “motherly” chores. What matters is how chirpy feels and noone will do the best for her as u can…hugs darling!

    yeah at the end of it all Chirpy’s understanding is more important for me and I really hope she gets to know her ‘real’ mother and not the one that world would want to see her! hugs right back Nuts 🙂

  5. Hugs… when I was a kid, I remember my mother leaving me with my dad and catching up movies with her friend once in a while.. This did not make her bad mother and we both enjoyed our me time. So don’t worry as every mother is judged.. Hugs once again.

    hugs Tharani !! 🙂 I’m glad you understand your mother’s need of me time 🙂

  6. You are not doing anything wrong!

    these words are so powerful,made me really feel lighter 🙂

    My mommy was just like you. She is a working lady and used to be away from me for like hours, but she never forgets me, calls grandma and pops up in between. She was always thr when i needed, and dont you think thats wat matters? I dont believe you being a mother means suffocating your child with attention.
    Those judging eyes will always be around, but i dont think you should give them any importance.!

    yeah ignore them is what I should do !!! 🙂

  7. Such a beautifully honest post. Loved it!

    thanks babes 🙂 I think honest and straight from heart posts reach distances 🙂

    Coincidentally, this is what we have been discussing at home over the past week or so – I believe a mother is a ‘person’ too, besides being a ‘mother’. She has her own good days and bad days. She needs her me-time too. She needs a life too. I understand it is difficult sometimes, but I strictly maintain that ‘motherhood’ is a part of ‘life’. It might sound harsh, but it is not ‘life’ entirely. It is OK for a mother to sometimes go on a date with her husband, or have a cup of coffee with her friends, or catch up on a movie or a book alone. Being with a kid 24/7 does not ensure that the kid grows up better than other kids whose parents are not. Likewise, not being with a kid for a couple of hours to pursue some little dreams in your life does not mean you are not a good mother.To cut a long story short, I don’t think you should ‘sacrifice’ your life once you have kids.

    that’s so well said motherhood is a part of life and not life itself

    I have seen parents who have ‘sacrificed’ their lives for their kids and having nothing left for themselves once the kids grow up. I’m sure the kids wouldn’t want their parents to give up life entirely for their sake. That’s unfair. The kids would definitely be happy to see their mother balancing motherhood and life. I would want that for my mother. I didn’t want her to stop doing the things she loved just because I was there. I am sure your kid will understand the same once she grows up a bit. And it’s not like you have abandoned her entirely. So no problemo! 🙂

    on spot !! 🙂

    On the lines of your post, do check out this post by Starry: http://starsinmeyes.wordpress.com/2011/06/18/roles/
    It’s a question worth pondering: What is left of YOU after you are done with ALL your roles?

    I checked this post and the theory that she has given of ‘half relationships’ I really liked it !!

  8. You’ve got to simply ignore these people…. Soon you would see Chirpy coming to you and saying that she has the best mommy…. 🙂

    awww love you for this Tan 🙂 thanks !!!

  9. I know every word you are saying my dear. hugs to you. Parenting is a tough job. we are all judged all the time but Chirpy knows ❤ and there are beautiful times ahead. lots love .

    Parenting indeed is a tough job,sigh! 🙂

  10. 🙂 🙂 Very very sweet post! I am sure Chirpy totally understands, and loves her mamma even more for the way she is! 😀

    yeah yeah 🙂 🙂

  11. Judged all of us are! Ask me! When people hee-haw that I leave my kids with nanny for a full time job. Just ignore them. They propbably have half your IQ and don’t count 🙂

    exactly…I’m right now at home so not being judged that much I guess..haaa some concession you get for not working 😉 but soon when I start work I know what’s coming my way next!!! And you said what I wanted to hear 😀 they have only half or no IQ 😉

  12. I dont think parenting means sticking ot your child all the time .. it means telling them right from wrong and teaching them good values ..

    Dont worry about getting judged you are doing a lovely job and people ah well Kuch to log kahenge .. logon ka kaam hai kehna .. I wud not give two hoots about it ..

    yeah logo ka kaam hai kehna,sigh sigh !! thanks for these words B 🙂

  13. Babe, you are making me really proud! Of course, everyone (and that includes you) needs their ‘me time’. And you have every right to go out without the baby for coffees and movies and picnics.

    makes me happy happy to read this 🙂

    I have been reading Rujuta Diwekar’s 2nd book: Women and the Weight Loss Tamasha and you must read it. The chapter on Motherhood so well describes what you are at. People try and make you feel guilty, but do not fall for it. You are doing awesome!! Lots of love to u and Chirpy.

    yeah the trick is to not fall for such traps…love to you to massi 🙂

    In fact, I was reading the book just yest and immediately You and AHK came to my mind when I was at this particular chapter. Mighty proud to know people like you. Take care dearie 🙂

    aww thanks babes..these words are encouraging really 🙂

  14. Hugs. It’s hard being a first-time mom….people are like wolves waiting to pounce for everything. Stick it right back at them…you’ll feel better about yourself!

    yeah thanks Starry 🙂

  15. Oh hugs to you. I can totally relate to all this. Don’t care about the people who judge, I say. This is only going to get worse as time progresses. For some reason women, especially mothers, are supposed to live their life a certain way, and any digressions are not acceptable, whereas a man is, well, a man, he can do what he wants!

  16. Hugs Scribby. Tell these Judges to go take a walk…a looong, one-way walk!!
    being a mother is just like being a father: and you cannot stay by your kid all your life. At some point, they’ll venture out, and no one will judge them for leaving you alone back at home. So, it’s all part of life. Play yours well. The critics are there for a reason: criticise — that’s all they can ever do 😀

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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