Could these be handled differently?

Since Chirpy has come into my life I’ve started closely observing events related to kids taking place in my surroundings. I’m more alert and aware of what other mothers are doing or how they are reacting etc in situations where in it’s critical to handle kids carefully. Every set of parent has it’s own methodology to bring up kids and there is no standard ‘how to bring up your kids’ rule book but I guess someone else’s experience can help a parent,as a guiding line, to take a step or to not take step or differently take a step when faced with a similar situation.

Reading this incident at Momo’s reminded me of the below cases which I came across sometime back.

case 1:

We’re are in Chirpy’s paediatrician’s waiting room.Meanwhile, we notice that the couple which is right now inside the doc’s cabin has 2 kids. A boy somewhat one year young and the girl a 4 year-er. Both kids are to be injected.The boy comes out smiling with his dad within seconds-clearly which means he faced the dreaded needle smilingly. Then comes his sister’s turn who now is shouting,running inside the cabin and wailing so hard as if someone is slapping her ruthlessly.Outside,the father was feeling embarrassed.The mother came out to ask help from the dad but he was not willing to go in and tackle that crying child so he remained outside. Finally,the compounder,the doc and the mother managed to get the girl injected and within a minute the wailing sounds vanished as if they were never there. In the next instant the girl came out sheepishly smiling-no traces of fear,tears or pain on her face !

Of course the girl was ‘scared’ of the needle.As it is clear from this incident that the girl was psychologically scared. She had a mental fear of the needle . Made me think that why do children and even some adults are scared of being injected? Where in we all know that the needle is not going to do any harm except make you feel that an ant has just bitten you and the feeling will only last for few seconds. So what goes behind this psychology of human beings ?? Generally I feel that it comes from parents’ / elders’ contribution.How? Don’t we come across situations where parent’s tell their kids this  ‘eat this or else we’ll take you to the doc and get you injected’ ??? ‘Finish your homework or we’ll call in the doctor to give you injection’ or ‘mamma has gone to the doctor and hence didn’t take you along or he would have given you an injection’ ???

Parents often use this tool to scare the child so that he’ll do the desired work. But in long run is it helping the child?

case 2:

A mother is complaining about her little boy,who is a 6 year-er,to her neighbour-when the boy himself is present at the scene.

Is it fair to the young boy ? Won’t he feel dejected that his mother is talking negative about him and that too to an outsider? Will this not make him lose his self-confidence/lose faith in his mother/make him feel low? Or even worse make him react against his mother ??? Won’t we,as adults, feel humiliated if this was to happen to us?

What do you think the boy in the above scenario did ? He literally shouted at his mother,in front of the lady,denying her complaints. Was it good for the mother?What did she achieve by this? Has she not sowed a tiny seed of animosity in his mind?

And I’ve heard children remember things from past really well…

I don’t know what and how I will bring up Chirpy…but I would sure remember cases like these and will keep making mental notes so that I’ll try not to be too strict or too lenient or too harsh or too soft with her…I hope I’ll be able to balance !

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Could these be handled differently?

  1. I agree with you…Scare tactics, threats, beatings, complaining to neighbors or relatives doesn’t help any situation…I am not know-it-all but these days there are plenty of resources available to parents and all the options should be evaluated. Knowledge and awareness are key things here.

    There is not a single way to be a perfect parent but there are many ways to be a good one.

    I feel your concerns. I am sure you would do just fine because it is evident from your posts 🙂

  2. Oh I so agree with you..and honestly I am guilty of doing the injection thingie with R when she eats too much…I realised I was making a mistake..so now a days I come up with stories on how my stomach burst when I ate too much as a child and guess that works better…thanks for pointing this out on the blog as well..next time even if I make the mistake I will remember what you said

  3. U r so right! There has to be a balance of discipline in life. I remember that last year a cousin of my hubby had come to our place. This guiy in a fit of anger scolded his son & hit him on his head that too infront of everybody. That he shouldn’t have hit the kidd is an altogether different thing but the fact that it was done in front of everyone mattered as well. The kiddo cried & said “why did u hit me here?”

    It was embarrasing for everyone. Sometimes parents forget that kids at a later stage imitate us and thus we shud be very careful in our activities!

  4. that’s such a tough thing scribby!!! parenting is a serious responsibility and i guess all parents try but circumstances, surroundings etc contribute majorly in the raising process. Am sure as a good and observant parent you would try your level best to nurture your doll 🙂

    BTW, the header pic is soooo tempting :p and you know i still cry when i am asked to go for a blood test/injection…but my mom is always thr holding my hands while everone else smiles :p

  5. A thoughtful post…and I can relate to it as I know of one young gal whose parents are same as what you have described above. This young gal has sort of become a rebel now. Despite her parents scoldings publicly, she keeps on doing nuances whenever they go out. I think after being continuously dealt like this in public, she is no more impacted by all this now.
    BTW in one of my recent visits to doc, I actually met a lady who was screaming and crying in tears because of injection. The hubby darling was all doing “babu & shona kuch nahi hoga” but of no use, wifey kept on behaving as if she is not taking just another injection but was actually being operated live without any drugs :D… LOL, whatay scene it was. I actually wanted to record it in my mobile but didn’t 🙂

  6. YEs parenting has become hard these days because of a lot of other things that have come up ..

    and the needle I cant take it .. I always ask the doc do they ahve a tablet or syrup for that..
    Parents needs to be very careful these days, i have seen situation handled very badly during day to day work you go to a hosue ot enquire something and can see how the parents are behaving towards the kids and the kids talking back rudely , and even vica versa …

    I ma not saying my parents were the best but i dont rmmeber being ever told off in public, even though when i was being a bad kid.. my dad was strict and i do remmeber him telling me stuff and warning came ..

    I guess the best thing is to TALK – communicate with your child .. yes they will do bad things , yes they will throw tantrums , yes they will be naughty , Yes and yes to everything else … WELL guess what THEY ARE KIDS.. they are supposed to do that… ITs the parents who need to know that and handle the situation .. basic KID nature is tantrums we need to understand that and handle it .. if the kid is running around shouting LET him/her once energy spent they will calm down that is the time to explain … not while they are shouting etc they wont listen …

    I am saying this cause i deal with it not with kids but adults do ittoo, you go and stop someone having a beer in part or jsut being naughty suddenly they get aggressive, why -who- etc etc I can easily put them down , two of us grab-hold-handcuff Job done.. but thats not the way to do it , you talk to them the initial aggressiveness goes away 90% of the time and thats a high percentage.. then the sorry’s come too 🙂

    Dont worry you are taking good care of chirpy and she will be jsut fine let kids be kids 🙂 we were kids tooo and did all that our kids will do 🙂 I am sure you guys will do jsut fine chilllaxxxxx

  7. It depends on what kind of inputs you feed the child. Like in my case, going to a doctor and getting checked up, having medication, going to school, etc were expressed as privileges, as rewards. So a typical threat when they didn’t listen went like this – ‘stop being naughty or you will not be allowed to go to school tomorrow’.
    I’m not sure about others, but this trick worked on my kids. There were relatives, other people, who tried to feed in fear of doctors and teachers, but luckily, there is no major damage 🙂
    My kids LOVE visiting a doctor and even lay down quietly to be pushed and prodded. The best part, they now talk to the doctors about their ailment, giving as much information as possible. Clearly, I’m not required for these activities anymore 😀

  8. With the first example, it isn’t necessarily parents’ threats about needles. My parents couldn’t or didn’t use it as dad is a doctor.I had a bad experience getting a blood test at the age of 8 where the nurse couldn’t find my vein properly and jabbed me in the wrong spot a couple of times. Not happy! I have clients who fear needles too and it’s generally from bad experiences of their own or others. As for the second example…well, don’t get me started on that one! I have parents in session who will list all the negative behaviour of the kid in front of them when I ask about how things have been…so now I ask them, “what went well this week?” so that they are forced to think of the positives!

  9. Yes, children remember every single bit they experience.

    That’s something I’m veryappy about my parents — while they did scold us, it was ALWAYS in private. And if they ever spoke well about it, it was always public, and not to show off, but for things w also knew we did well. It was a good balance: we knew where our faults were, and we knew where we were appreciated.

    Also, we were always taught to be fiercely independent. Go out, try new things, over come hesitations and fears, live and experience hardships and joy — these were the mantras we were brought up with 🙂

    Ooh, i love them! So does my bro! And am sure some day, Chirpy will say this about you both too 🙂 Hugs!!!

  10. Very true, I have always been extra cautious what I speak to Chucky, I never scare her with any objects or anything even if she is not listen to me. Because I remember as a kid even now I am scared of many things which ideally I shouldn’t be. well telling bad abt kids infront of them is again a big no. I was been a victim myself where my parents compared me with others and made me feel low. and over a period of time you tempt to believe. it takes lot of time to come out of that and to be confident of what you are doing.

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s