Needless to say I need him in my life. Needless to say there are moments when I require him to be at my side so that I can take a deep breath and feel relaxed knowing that he is strongly standing by me. I don’t know what went wrong with destiny.My destiny.I no more have him in my life.And it’s not about today that he is not there. It’s been years without him.Almost a decade. He being the most important part of my life sometime back in the flashback has now become close to nowhere who matters at all. Why? Is this what is called as a sea change?
Sometimes I need him just to flaunt to this world that see even I have him it’s not only you,so you better not show off ! But then this remains just a wish,a dream and it phases out by the next second of me thinking about it!
This is when I reach to the point where I question the almighty. This is when I ask ‘why me?’ time and again. Sometime back I thought I’ll keep asking Him this question and not give up until He answers it. But He never did that. Or did He?
Life can be unfair at times. Life can be a bitch. I read somewhere ‘Life is not a bitch,your Karma makes it so’ ! Ha!!!
So by this now I’ve to blame myself for everything that happened a decade ago? Isn’t it too sweet? Some rules of life I just don’t understand. May be I’m not meant to know them,understand them.I’m just here to get confused by them and keep wondering ‘what went wrong?’
And coming to what went wrong…I’ve analysed things with so many angles.With every possible side a problem and it’s people can have. All in all I never found myself to be the key player in ruining things around but yet the fact remains-I’m one of the key receivers of bad things coming everyone’s way because of that one decision! Ain’t it funny? You don’t do nothing and you still get something to crib about all your life? If that’s the rule of life then why does it not happen with good things? Like you don’t put efforts for best things to come in your life but you still get them anyway?
So,is it really the Karma only which plays the games of life with us? Is it me? I’ll never get the answer to my questions…never! And I’ve stopped hoping too so it hurts a little less but the hurt is there. It doesn’t go away and I don’t think it shall pass by any time soon or ever!