A letter to my Best [?] Friend!!!

Dear [the then] BFF,

You were the first classmate who extended your hand towards me,for friendship, when I was new to the school in standard VII.In an instant we became good friends. Coincidentally,we both were the tallest girls in the class and were made to sit together in the last row.Since then we’ve always been bench mates too till the end of the schooling. Fortunately,we chose same subjects,got allocated to same sections and were always in the same group in the school. Too much same same but it never mattered to us as long as we were together with each other. I remember,don’t know whether you do or not, our vice princi used to call us with my first name and your last name to make it sound one name-reasoning that we anyway are inseparable and calling our names in unison than calling separately saves time 😉  Yes,we were like famous best friends in the entire school 🙂

You used to frequent my home but it was not the other way round. There were some family problems at your end and hence you along with your mother and younger sister were staying with your maternal uncles. Of course such situations make things awkward and you never took your friends home,though sometimes I used to come there for reasons like picking you up,dropping you off. But that’s not the point. My parents knew about your family situation and they were more than careful in handling you-one,because you were my best friend and two because they also liked you very much. You were simple,intelligent and hailed from a good family. Your mother depended on my father’s decision most of the times like whether to send us for the school picnic,or to a friend’s b’day party who lived far far away or to go for shopping for friendships day etc. But my father as he is,always took responsibility for you as well and promised your mother for picking and dropping you safely at home. So in short it was like more of sister bond than friendship for us then.

We filled each others’ slam book with more than 2 pages and our rest of the gang laughed at us on that 🙂 We were totally emotional about each other,we were best friends forever!

Then the schools got over. Ironically [?] my family got transferred to another city and we were separated.Not only that our streams also took separate paths. You chose engineering and I chose bachelor’s of Science and subsequently management. In that age when there was no Facebook or Orkut or even the emails we still tried to keep in touch through snail mails. Needless to say we missed each other big time and in our letters we recalled our school days,the time spent together etc.

Slowly,you started going apart in your letters too.I could sense that but could never make out why. Nor could I pinpoint then that you are changing emotionally as a person as we are growing up. I understand that totally now but then at that time it was a confusion in my heart as to what is going wrong. The frequency of letters went down drastically only to vanish one day. And we lost touch completely when you moved to another city for your job.

I was busy with different things like job,friends and family. Basically life! But in my heart I never forgot you or for that matter our entire gang. Then came the era of mobile phones and needless to say we all got one for ourselves.Thankfully, one of our gang mates found all the lost threads and got in touch with everyone once again. The entire gang of 10-12 people who were scattered across the country were then again brought back on the string of cell phones and we started getting updates from each other on regular basis. I found your number too and excitedly called you up thinking we would be the same BFFs from school. That day was your b’day and I thought what better day to get back to you. We spoke for a moment and I realized your voice was plain and simple and not excited or the ones of that of a close friend. I continued talking to you in my own way but you sounded like “ya ya so?”. That year I was about to get married and I mentioned it to you..in fact my wedding was to take place in 2 months from the day we were talking. And you were like “oh really? cool” !!! I thought you would ask me who’s the lucky one etc etc. But you showed no signs of curiosity or any interest! I was let down,yes I felt bad.Kept wondering what went wrong with you. So I asked you and your reply was this: “C’mon yarr..people change and leave things behind…move on you too okay and get a life!” and we disconnected the call after that,of course there was nothing left to speak!

Days passed by and you too got married to one of our classmates,of course I got to know this only through Orkut. You moved to Mumbai and I moved to Mumbai too. Some where in my emotional fool’s heart I still felt the same love and care for you and I thought of visiting you at your office,unannounced. Yes I took that risk of being kicked out! But surprisingly you came out so happy to see me and stuff like that. We spoke almost for half an hour and you also invited me and Husby to your home and have a meal together. We made some rough plans to meet up,which by the way never got materialized thanks to our work schedules[or so I think,now],but we were hopeful and the best part was you always wanted to meet up,that came out genuinely. We started chatting on gtalk from office. It was almost like daily affair.We discussed tiny things like ‘what you got in your tiffin and what are you going to cook this weekend’ etc. It felt like we were back to being best friends like school days! I was no doubt very happy with it 🙂

Then few months down the line one of our friends were to come down from the US of A and we all planned a reunion. Our entire gang was meeting together after almost 12 years. It was so much fun right from the stage of planning.The venue was Pune and you,me,S and K [our other friend] were to travel from Mumbai to Pune. It was a 2 day meet.You suggested that all 4 of us go together by your car. The plan was set and we spent those two days together like never before.No doubt the reunion was a hell of an event & we all parted with a promise to meet again soon!

So,all this while things were moving very smoothly and it was like good old days types. Then I left Mumbai and you too were sent on a project abroad. We still continued to chat on gtalk.I conceived and shared this news with you first amongst any other friend from our gang. This was the time we all had moved on to FB. And we were pretty much connected to each other well as compared to Orkut days.

Now sometime back,one day I find your father on FB.I find that he is a regular one in commenting on your photos,status messages. Basically he is very much around in your life. No,this didn’t surprise me cause right from the start I knew that you were in talking terms with your father back then and he used to write letters to you and your sister and send gifts too. So his presence was there but only through couriers. Uncle found me too commenting on your photos and status messages and so he got connected with me saying that from my comments and your replies to them he has felt that I’m your close friend. I said of course 🙂 and accepted his friend request. He also messaged later saying that since I’m your school friend I must share some of your school antics with him…this was just about 3-4 days since we were connected to each other on FB. Suddenly after that I found your father not appearing in my list at all. I checked and realized that he has un-friended me!

I wondered why? What could be the reason? Why did he behave like this? So, of course instead of asking him I thought I must ask you this. I wrote you a message on FB asking precisely this. 4 days went by you didn’t reply.I thought you must have been busy so might not have checked the message or skipped checking the FB inbox. I posted on your wall ‘sent you a message,please check‘ I waited for another 2 days and when I went to your wall to see if FB forgot to notify my of your reply to my wall post I realized that the wall post has been deleted! This just created more curiosity in my mind. For a while I thought just let it be…but then on second thoughts I felt I should know what’s wrong! So I re-messaged you asking the same. To which you replied the same day saying “nothing much,papa is slowly exiting from FB and hence removing contacts,just may be! And why you creating a drama out of the whole thing? Just chill,okay”

Oops! Drama? Did I create a drama by asking a simple question? And what does deleting the wall post mean? No drama there? I would have been okay if you’ve said ‘you’re curious’ !

I wonder even today,what was so wrong for your father to have been connected to me? What was going on in your mind about it? I don’t know but I never felt anything wrong about my father being like a father to you back then and doting you in the same manner as he did to me. He even today checks for you with me and he too has not forgotten you.What could be the reason for such behavior? I really wish I could travel to your mind and know.I really wish you could have openly talked about this to me.I really wish!!!!

And since that day you’ve stopped commenting on my photos,status messages,or even replying to my comments on your photos/status messages whereas you reply to each and everyone in the comments’ section. It’s evident.I’m not a kid. In fact I’m sorry to myself to have expected that you would be the same best friend that I had years back. I know once again I’ve been proven an emotional fool. That people are way too practical to move ahead,and how!

Okay I don’t deny the fact that people change,times change and everyone in their own way move on.Right,I do agree and I’ve changed and moved on too.There are people whom I’ve left behind myself but the only difference is I never pretend to be their the then type of friend even for a bit,like you did after so many years. If I’m friends with someone it’s a YES for life long and if I’m not then it’s a NO forever! Things are pretty much black and white at my end unlike yours. But then I’ve learnt a lesson,and I must thank you for this!

So why am I writing all this to you,ex-BFF? Just to record it for myself and come back and read it if yet again you come out normally with me and pretend to be my good friend if not the best one. I want to remember how you have behaved with me all along.So that I don’t do the same to anyone OR I don’t expect from you,or from anyone for that matter, now on!



13 thoughts on “A letter to my Best [?] Friend!!!

  1. Eh duniya mandi paise di
    Har cheez vikendi koi bha sajna
    Ithe ronde chehre nahin vikde
    Hasan di addat pa sajna…

    On my post long ago u adviced me to let go.. I shall say the same.. Let go.. I know it hurts and happens a lot in this conniving world.
    Where friends lovers blah blah are the ones who hurt us the most.

    I would say her losss… Dont let this upset you..

    Take care and smileee chilllax…

    you’re an humble human being B 🙂 Thanks for handing back the advice 🙂

  2. I can understand your hurt and I know how agitated you must have felt on all those times.

    Sometimes people fail to handle situations and people optimally when they are occupied with people whom they don’t want to talk about.
    The same appears to be the case of your friend.

    Don’t let this upset you, she might not have done this intentionally and might have been trying to avoid any questions related to her father. Let’s give her a tiny benefit of doubt and let go of the stress this whole episode has caused you.

    Hugs 😀

    thanks for the HUGS MyEra 🙂 But I would have agreed with you only if I would not have known everything about her father and their relationship.In fact that’s what hurts…I was the one in the school also to know everything about her family circumstances and she never felt awkward sharing stuff with me ever…

    also if for a moment we consider that that’s the reason then why does she has to stop interacting with completely in general too? you getting my point?

  3. Good you came to know her NOW,leave it and forget what has happened (it is so easy to say).I know these things don’t go soon from our mind,but as time heals the wound,you too will come out and loads of hugssss….

    Good that you wrote it and will always come back and read it so that you won’t forget what has happened.I do the same thing….

    I know!!! Thanks Saritha 🙂

  4. a big tight hug Scribby…I have been thru’ similar incidents with few close friends/relations in my life.. I am an emotional fool or idiot or whatever they think about us.. we pour all our love unconditionally just to realize that its all done to a wrong person..its good that you wrote it down here.. Move on Scribby.. they don’t deserve our love..

    oh same pinch Ani…emotional fools only land up in such hot soups! Yeah moving on is the only solution…but why I wrote down here is the pangs of emotions visit me at regular intervals and hence to record my pain this post…to tell myself that she is not worth spending my time and energy on!

    Big hugs to you too Ani,thanks for being by my side 🙂

  5. big hugs babes!
    I totally understand your hurt and your questions…
    it’s totally her loss, if you ask me!

    This sounds really soothing Pixie that it’s her loss! But somewhere the hurt remains even after this awesome feeling 😉

    I had a friend like this, actually most of my friends from college are like this! 😦
    I have just let go, with the same words – “they dont deserve awesome people like us at all!” 🙂

    Yeah I think that’s the way it should be…people like us have each other no? 🙂 HUGS

  6. Ooops! Looks like she has her baggage. Surprises me why she does not want to get close to you. May be because, she knows that you know a lot about her and she is not comfortable with it now.
    It’s so hard to make new friends now. I’d have loved it if I had such a school friend close by.
    I guess sometimes you have to let go…

    I think yes the baggage is right word here but sadly that’s becoming too much heavy on me ironically! That’s surprising no? That she ain’t comfortable with me because of her personal life and that too now after so many years when we have come so far and she never had to face a problem of me leaking her secrets or that sort of thing you know that happens in school? But to each his own,everyone can make their choices and she ain’t an exception!

  7. There are people and then there are people. Sometimes it is very difficult to judge what is going on in somebody’s mind, I mean they will show that they are very close to you but in reality they are not. And unfortunately we learn this hard way. so better let go and stick to your resolve of re reading this post if ur fren tries to be paly paly with u in future!!!

    you are right Smita,there are people and all kinds of them,sigh!And you know why it hurts most? Because you’re the same in your mind and on your face but others are not and moreover they take advantage of your being transparent! But any way,that’s why we have this blogging world no? 😉 to have [almost] like minded people 🙂

  8. Hugs Scribby… I am unable to frame words in sentences 😦 so sending happy thoughts and hugs your way…

    Hugs sweetie 🙂 It’s okay I know you understand and that you’re there 🙂

  9. hugs,scribby. hopefully there will come a day when she will understand all this hurt you’re going through.

    thanks a lot for these Hugs babes 🙂 Well I don’t mind if she doesn’t understand what hurt me in the whole story,only thing I would want her to do is not to play games again with me!

  10. Harsh as it sounds – sometimes i feel life is so much simpler without such complicated souls around. Treasure the moments you shared, leave behind the bitterness and look at all the people around you who are there now and make you happy

    I hear you Nuts,I hear you!!! 🙂

  11. Of course I know you’re talking about whom, and I’m not surprised that this happened with you. I always knew that BFF thing was hollow. May be some things are better learned the hard way, you’ll never forget that now.
    Hugs! 🙂

  12. Sigh!! you reminded me of my separation and growing apart with my oldest best (?) friend…why do people change and forget the past?

    and hurt others 😦

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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