Being Married-Looking Back 1

It was the time of my MBA counselling,I was in Bhopal to get a seat allocated. Since the Husby could not come with me due to some work I went there alone. The task was not very tough,I had 2 specific colleges  in my mind and I knew if I’m getting either of the colleges I’m taking the admission or chuck it.

So I was sitting in the hall,at the last bench,cool and calm and waiting for the process to begin. I had all my papers in place in the folder with required number of photo copies and documents which would be needed for submission. Lot of hustle bustle could be noticed in the hall with parents and students pouring in and sitting in groups to discuss the options they could get or should choose from and arranging for photo copies etc.

One girl sitting on the adjacent bench looked at me and gave a smile and I smiled back. Then she asked me a question which startled me. She asked me which college has my son have decided for. I was like ‘what?’ And then I realized why she had said that. I was wearing all the marital symbols right from Sindoor to Mangalsutra to 2-2 Bangles and toe rings,what with I had been married for few days then.

I told her that it was for myself that I was present there,to get an admission into the post graduate course. She gaped and gave me a look which I till date haven’t forgotten or have found a name for ! Any way,the counselling was done and to my pleasure I got a seat in desired college and I took the bus back home in the evening.

The first day of college and I was standing with a girl waiting for other batch mates to come in and the induction process to start up. While waiting,a girl approached us and started the conversation. After the usual ‘hi’ and ‘where are you from’ and ‘which exam did you write to get into this course’ etc she said in a hush hush voice, ‘you know I’ve just come to know there is a married girl in our batch?’ I was like oh yes I know,purposely holding on for that moment! She went on saying ‘how come anyone can study after getting married? What about the in-laws? The responsibilities? And would she be able to complete the course? What if she gets pregnant?’ etc etc! To which I could not resist and told her that it’s me! Oh her reaction? She said ‘oh is it? Han It’s you but you don’t look married? Where is the sindoor? The toe rings? The bangles?’  I told her all this is for occasions. And then she went on praising me for what a bold decision I had taken to study after getting married and how she admires me for the same and I’m so courageous and my in-laws must be gems blah blah!

Even further in the course,after a year that is,some of my female friends told me how they don’t like my idea of studying after getting married whereas I should have been sitting at home and having fun with the husband and making babies. One friend also said that if she had been in my place she would have by now [1 year of marriage] had a baby popped out and the rest of female gang nodded in agreement,sigh!

Things that got stuck with me from this whole thing:

The change of opinion in a second and the narrow mindedness.

Marriage is seen like a boundation,even by educated females themselves.

Lot of females feel,even today,that marriage is for having sex,making babies,going on holidays and cooking and cleaning for the new set of family!

Marriage means adorning self with the marital symbols,like always!

P.S. This is first post in the category 'Looking Back' and now onward such entries will get added to this page.
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24 thoughts on “Being Married-Looking Back 1

  1. Its sad that some women see marriage as a boundation but I think they can’t be blamed for it completely… The reason for such a mentality lies in the circumstances under which they have been brought up and the incidents they have seen with the women around them…

    I agree with you Tan but all this coming from females who term themselves as ‘broad minded’,’educated’,’liberated’ etc…you know what I mean? is a little difficult to digest

  2. true.. a married girl no lady cannot go to college in peace.. (once you are married even if its a day before you are not a girl anymore right?) you should be addressed as lady.. like the difference between behun and aunty :(.. the thoughts about marriage has to change big time..

    hahaha lady and not girl 🙂

  3. That is so silly, isn’t it? The expectation that just because you are married, everything else needs to come to an halt.. Especially coming from people who ought to know better.

    It is! and that’s what made me wonder-girls who were there to study professional course,who aimed to work and make life if their own,thought like that 😦

    Hopefully they might have changed their mindsets after seeing you – hopefully?

    well yes later the ones which I bonded too well and they got to see my personal life closely,my husband,MIL and they way I did balance my college and the responsibilities,they were impressed and thought good of me and that studying after marriage is not impossible! But all this only when they got a glimpse inside my life 🙂

  4. My answer to this, we form the 1 percent who think differently, however large a number we may be, we are just that 1 percent… therefore, to convince the rest 99 is a task, they’ll look, stare, ahh and awe… and think stupidly, but that’s the way they have been brought up…

    I think you’re right but how ironic,no? and it’s not only being brought up that way it’s about their own thinking..this girl also told me later,when we became friends,that if she would have been in my place she would have not wasted her time studying,she would have enjoyed the married life to the hilt instead!

    1. standard stare I encounter almost every week when new people come to know I’m married, so a few naughty friends inform them that I’m a mother of two kids too… the expressions are worth a lifetime 🙂 🙂 so what’s all this nonsense about looking married? I’m too dumb in the head to understand… explanations required 😛

      hahahaha God I so wish I should have said this too-having 2 kids and all that 😉 and don’t ask me about ‘looking married’ huh we have already spoken about it sometime in your blog I guess,no? somethings never change

  5. sigh. when will this mindset change?

    I guess never like Pinoo said people like us make a very small percentage of the whole crowd and as they say majority always wins,no matter what 😦

    I’m not married, but time and again I have some people tell me that I should “love my life to the fullest” before I get married…so that I can enjoy all the freedom. That I should do things I want to NOW, because after marriage I won’t be able to. This one guy friend keeps insisting that I meet him (Which is fine…why would I say no to meeting a friend, right?)…but his only reasoning to wanting to meet me is that he says I won’t be able to meet my “guy” friends after I get married…HUH???!???!!!

    how weird is that! Well,I have something similar to share…next post 🙂

  6. I just want to know the expression the girl gave when you told it was you ??!!! must have been priceless ! 😛 😈

    I should find a word for that soon it means 🙂

  7. I’m shocked Scribby that you didn’t know that a woman’s life ends after marriage…didn’t you know married women weren’t supposed to study or travel or catch up with their girlfriends or do anything for themselves?? After all, after marriage, all a woman lives for is her husband, her children and her in-laws. That’s why back in the day, when a husband died, the woman killed herself too…

    hahah I know what you mean here 🙂

    …my comment started out as a sarcastically humourous one but I am starting to think that there are women (Educated ones too) who continue to think that way…except maybe not the sati aspect. It’s ridiculous and very narrow minded. Kudos to you for completing your postgrad after marriage and showing some of these narrow minded individuals that life doesn’t end.

    Thank you for the kudos but I must mention it would not have been possible without Husby and MIL standing rock steady behind me 🙂

    OH and now that you have Chirpy, you can’t consider studying further. 😉

    I know what to expect when tomorrow I enroll myself in a Ph.D 😉

  8. Are you serious??

    VERY!

    I cant imagine WHY women cant study after marriage…my bhabhi was a Bcom when she married brother, and my parents were very insistent she do an additional degree if she was keen..she went ahead to do her diploma in banking and additional a course of Tally to enhance her chances of getting a job..and my mom used to pack her dabba everyday and make her study in the evenings just like she used to do for me and bro..why not!

    yeah I mean marriage and studies are not really disconnected like people think these are…I agree responsibilities come with the new relationship but if your new family is ready to support then why should you not think about it!

  9. Yup it’s a crazy world. The same logic is applied by well educated, career minded girls when they decide to marry way later just bcoz they think marriage and kids will come in their way. I simply don’t understand how marriage can come in the way of you flying higher when you can choose a spouse who is willing to encourage you in every step you take?

    educated and career minded girl thinking this way is the biggest irony!

  10. Really? I am surprised! I have known a lot of married women who have studied further after marriage. Can’t believe young girls had such narrow thoughts.

    that’s exactly what I thought when I heard girls not very younger than me reacted like that 😦

  11. I AM SCARED NOW…
    Yes studying after marriage is hard. some families allow it but the woman has to go thru the bickering by the new family she has entered. Thankyou for writing this!!

    okay don’t be worried..it’s not that the in-laws side people are like this or the husband is like that..if you get people who will support you whatever decisions you take,then friends,peers can take a hike 🙂

  12. Ok first of all – you should have hit the woman who asked you about your son doing MBA… 🙂

    hahaha I wish I would have 🙂

    we had 3 married women in our batch (one wiht a kid too) and that too in a residential college and i dont think it ever struck us that they were different from us! yes they were a bit older than us but so were plenty of the unmarried women!

    but not every one think differently or better said ‘don’t pay heed to such things which don’t matter at all’

  13. Came here via RM’s blog and what a discovery !!

    welcome here Kanchan 🙂

    When I was in MBA, we had a batchmate from out of town who was not only the “only” married student in the class, but also had a baby – less than 6 months old.

    And I must say, no one in the batch every gossiped about her studying after marriage, but people did wonder “how can she leave her baby !!! “.

    yeah that is another BIG issue for others when women leave their babies behind as if the women have abandoned the baby!

  14. My mom got married in her second year of B.Com 🙂 She went through a lot of similar talk.. But the awesome thing – she studied a lot (she’s got about 7-odd degrees to her name) and she eventually finished it all up with a doctorate a few years ago 🙂

  15. It’s sad women still think like that! It’s awesome that you are breaking the mold!

    My husband is preparing to go back to school full-time too. Studying after getting married can have it’s own challenges, none of them are really related to to being a girl though. haha…Kudos to your family for supporting you through it all!

    1. Yes I think studying after marriage is not taken that well by society in general…but now the people around are changing and I think they’ll start accepting it wholeheartedly…we can hope 🙂

  16. Oh I know such women!!
    luckily for me I have a very supportive husband! we stayed apart for one and half yrs visiting in 2-3 months until I completed my M.E. 🙂

    knock on the wood 🙂

  17. My friend forced his wofe do an MS in UK right after his marriage..So I would say there is still some hope!! Although I wish this mentality of girls-should-not-study-after-marriage changes soon..

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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