When I was little my mother used to tell me to learn to be comfortable in the kitchen,you know. I was the kinds who always believed that the kitchen is not for me,it’s meant for other type of girls 😛 I’m going to boss around the umpteen number of helpers that I’ll have in my future. My mother,defeated with my I-won’t-step-into-the-kitchen attitude,used to tell me that tomorrow when I get married and go to my ‘other’ home my MIL would curse my mom for not teaching me anything and many such things on these lines. To which I always answered saying that this would never happen cause I would never live with my MIL,period! Any way…
Apart from reasoning with me to learn cooking,a bit at least,and see how things work in the kitchen,my mum used to tell me on serious notes that it’s not only for the day when I get married and go to my future family but for my own sake. For me being self sufficient and not depending on anyone to cook even a simple meal.And even to be eligible for supervising the umpteen helpers I needed to know how the work is done! So there!
But this post is not about the cooking and kitchen work.This is about the relationship of a MIL and DIL. I’ve seen my grandmother being very very mean to my mum and my aunt. The G-mother
was never has never been supportive of her two DILs and never did she love them,even for a day and yes I’m not exaggerating! Any way, so I always thought that this relation is not to be for any pair of MIL-DIL.
I grew up and saw more such examples. I always felt this relationship could never be worked out! And then my own marriage happened with a fact that we’re going to be a joint family.But when I got married I was too busy basking in the glory of love and the stuff that I didn’t have time to think that ‘oh I’ve to tackle my MIL,we’re going to live together’. And by the time I was out of that mushy mushy romantic honeymoony picture,I was already dwelling well with the MIL.
And then I realized,why my family was never a nuclear family. Why despite of my G-mother my mom and aunt never back bited her.Why there were never heated arguments among g-mother and her two DILs,leave alone fights !Why we cousin were never told even a bit of bad things about our G-mother. Because somewhere my mother and my aunt had understood that this relationship,across the world,is going to be a little bit strained,do what so ever. There is no way out of it and hence it’s better to accept things and move on with the flow with a decent behavior and a smile on the face.
When I reached this phase myself I realized few things:
>MIL-DIL relationship ought to be a little bit confusing and strained,if not totally. Though there are exception,but very few!
>There is no person called bad person,the situations maketh the person like that.
>No person is perfect-that is not even you- so the sooner you accept each other’s shortcomings,the better.
>Every single relationship undergoes some turbulence,MIL-DIL is no different.
>If you can consider patching up in other relationships then why not this one?
>Your husband is because of your MIL,respect this fact!
>She has stepped into this new role like you’ve stepped into yours-take it easy!
>No argument can never end if there is one party taking a step back. And taking a step back is not going to affect you-of course this is valid only for things which are not going against your principles.
>Sometimes it’s okay to give up,even on your principles-mind you I’m saying sometimes,if it’s going to bring in happiness in the house,for entire family.
>Both sides have to adjust a bit-2 kadam tum chalo 2 kadam hum chalein!
>Be it whatever,you’ve not right to disrespect the MIL,she is elder to you,recall what your parents taught you about respecting people!
>There would be times when you would have to stick to your guns,okay,but don’t forget the above point even then.
>Moreover,if you have a husband who stands for you,holds you tight in your tough walk,then you don’t have to worry a bit.
>Also,it’s just not about standing by you and supporting blindly,but being fair in his judgement.If your man has this,then you’re doing perfect in life !
>The husband is the only reason why these two women come in close contact with each other and hence he has to shoulder a big responsibility to put efforts to smoothen this relationship as much as he can by balancing things on both sides,which isn’t easy,right? So considering the level of difficulty of his job one has to mellow down a bit,anything for love,no? 🙂
Having said all this,it’s still not easy to gel well with any person whose values and thought process is miles apart from yours,especially if that person is your MIL.But few of the above points if kept in mind,I think it’s still manageable. After all if it’s not too much of a compromise on your beliefs and values then it’s okay to give in. There is no particular formula for making this relationship work,but with a little bit of understanding,patience and love-from both sides of course-I think things can be worked out.
*Just a funny quote found on the net.
**I have written this post in general,I do not mean that all MIl-DIL relationships are sour or don’t work.
*** Everything written here is just my opinion.
**** I have to clarify so much cause this is a very controversial topic 🙂
Any way on an another light note,leaving you with this letter found on web: