Eve was the luckiest female on earth,she had no MIL*

When I was little my mother used to tell me to learn to be comfortable in the kitchen,you know. I was the kinds who always believed that the kitchen is not for me,it’s meant for other type of girls ๐Ÿ˜› I’m going to boss around the umpteen number of helpers that I’ll have in my future. My mother,defeated with my I-won’t-step-into-the-kitchen attitude,used to tell me that tomorrow when I get married and go to my ‘other’ home my MIL would curse my mom for not teaching me anything and many such things on these lines. To which I always answered saying that this would never happen cause I would never live with my MIL,period! Any way…

Apart from reasoning with me to learn cooking,a bit at least,and see how things work in the kitchen,my mum used to tell me on serious notes that it’s not only for the day when I get married and go to my future family but for my own sake. For me being self sufficient and not depending on anyone to cook even a simple meal.And even to be eligible for supervising the umpteen helpers I needed to know how the work is done! So there!

But this post is not about the cooking and kitchen work.This is about the relationship of a MIL and DIL. I’ve seen my grandmother being very very mean to my mum and my aunt. The G-mother was neverย has never been supportive of her two DILs and never did she love them,even for a day and yes I’m notย exaggerating! Any way, so I always thought that this relation is not to be for any pair of MIL-DIL.

I grew up and saw more such examples. I always felt this relationship could never be worked out! And then my own marriage happened with a fact that we’re going to be a joint family.But when I got married I was too busy basking in the glory of love and the stuff that I didn’t have time to think that ‘oh I’ve to tackle my MIL,we’re going to live together’. And by the time I was out of that mushy mushy romantic honeymoony picture,I was already dwelling well with the MIL.

And then I realized,why my family was never a nuclear family. Why despite of my G-mother my mom and aunt never back bited her.Why there were never heated argumentsย amongย g-mother and her two DILs,leave alone fights !Why we cousin were never told even a bit of bad things about our G-mother. Because somewhere my mother and my aunt had understood that this relationship,across the world,is going to be a little bit strained,do what so ever. There is no way out of it and hence it’s better to accept things and move on with the flow with a decentย behaviorย and a smile on the face.

When I reached this phase myself Iย realizedย few things:

>MIL-DIL relationship ought to be a little bit confusing and strained,if not totally. Though there are exception,but very few!

>There is no person called bad person,the situations maketh the person like that.

>No person is perfect-that is not even you- so the sooner you accept each other’s shortcomings,the better.

>Every single relationship undergoes some turbulence,MIL-DIL is no different.

>If you can consider patching up in other relationships then why not this one?

>Your husband is because of your MIL,respect this fact!

>She has stepped into this new role like you’ve stepped into yours-take it easy!

>No argument can never end if there is one party taking a step back. And taking a step back is not going to affect you-of course this is valid only for things which are not going against your principles.

>Sometimes it’s okay to give up,even on your principles-mind you I’m saying sometimes,if it’s going to bring in happiness in the house,for entire family.

>Both sides have to adjust a bit-2 kadam tum chalo 2 kadam hum chalein!

>Be it whatever,you’ve not right to disrespect the MIL,she is elder to you,recall what your parents taught you about respecting people!

>There would be times when you would have to stick to your guns,okay,but don’t forget the above point even then.

>Moreover,if you have a husband who stands for you,holds you tight in your tough walk,then you don’t have to worry a bit.

>Also,it’s just not about standing by you and supporting blindly,but being fair in his judgement.If your man has this,then you’re doing perfect in life !

>The husband is the only reason why these two women come in close contact with each other and hence he has to shoulder a bigย responsibility to put efforts to smoothen this relationship as much as he can by balancing things on both sides,which isn’t easy,right?ย So considering the level of difficulty of his job one has to mellow down a bit,anything for love,no? ๐Ÿ™‚

Having said all this,it’s still not easy to gel well with any person whose values and thought process is miles apart from yours,especially if that person is your MIL.But few of the above points if kept in mind,I think it’s still manageable. After all if it’s not too much of a compromise on your beliefs and values then it’s okay to give in. There is no particular formula for making this relationship work,but with a little bit of understanding,patience and love-from both sides of course-I think things can be worked out.

*Just a funny quote found on the net.

**I have written this post in general,I do not mean that all MIl-DIL relationships are sour or don’t work.ย 

*** Everything written here is just my opinion.

**** I have to clarify so much cause this is a very controversial topic ๐Ÿ™‚

Any way on an another light note,leaving you with this letter found on web:

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Eve was the luckiest female on earth,she had no MIL*

  1. Well..it always has been and always will be a Controversial relationship…Sometimes people gel and sometimes they dont..adjustment is required from both ends…honestly I share a pretty decent relationship with my MIL, she adjusts, I adjust, she ignores, I ignore and we do well…

    My bhabhi and my mom have the most amazing relationship…ma treats her EXACTLY the same way as she treats me or bro..which is really great

    and I agree to most points you wrote ๐Ÿ™‚

    I should write a post on this one day ๐Ÿ™‚

    It was sad reading about your mom and aunt…one day..I should do a post you know ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Oh dear such a sensitive rship …and ur points r beautiful ! i have had a dominating one but tried, after many yrs of takingit it ,to change this but hv now found a balance, ur points will really be a reminder as to how to behave.tks !

  3. Nice. I live with MIL too (now). During the first few years of marriage, we had our share of “strain” too. But now things are pretty smooth. I guess what helped is that we stayed away and met for 3 mo an year (which was not too less/ not too much) as she was working and would spend her vacations with us. Now that she has moved in with us after retirement, we’ve fitted pretty easily as we knew what to expect from each other. I have to admit that she has adjusted a lot more than I have ๐Ÿ™‚

    I totally agree with what you say. Stick to your guns but never be impolite. I guess that is the key. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Agree to all the points. Yes, husband/son is the pillar of the bonding between MIL and DIL. Even I feel that his job is the toughest. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Any relationship will work if both parties adjust, Scribby. If compromise is done by only person, it’s difficult to sustain in a long run.

  5. This is a great post ๐Ÿ™‚
    Noted down all the points ๐Ÿ˜›
    I have seen some bad examples too, like one person is ready to adjust but the other one.. never accepts.
    For this/any relationship to work , both sides should work towards it na.

  6. Well if the husband is supporting then everything goes well but what I realize that may be he stands for you but he always forgot all these things for his mother and start living like nothing happened.
    I think me and my MIL will never gel. Even though I know each and everything about cooking and other stuff. Those girls who got MIL as friends they are very lucky. After reading your post I just wanted to spill out all the feelings and incidents I had with my MIL. Grr…but it’s ok. I’ve to control it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. So where does EVE fit in all this? not a mention after the title ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€
    its all an adjustment game ๐Ÿ˜‰

    hahah that is just a funny sarcastic quote on DILs having MILs ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. I cant say much on the topic, have not been in that situation THough I have seen my mother suffer a lot with my Grand ma, it was only when I grew up and was old enough that One day I picked up my hockey stick and Went to my grandparents and told them once that they DARE not say anything to my mother , I will break their legs.. and from then on it reduced a lot.. I know I was rude but then it had to be done , I am not proud of it BUT I AM proud of it toooo..

    ouch!!! but I know how it must have been that you were prompted to take such a step!

    Now after years and years both my grand ma and mum get along fine I guess.. its now grand ma has realised she is alone .. and my mum too as my dad and grand pa both passed away but what they have now they could have had THEN.. so much time wasted …

    that’s precisely what I feel..the real time is ‘now’…later you never know!

    Other then that I cant say much althoug the Last hand written note WOWO ๐Ÿ™‚ I like that…

    hehehe I found that on the net while searching for an apt pic ๐Ÿ˜€

  9. a very thoughtful post. Perfect 10 for all the points mentioned. Its a very delicate relationship, and one needs to balance it perfectly. There are times when me and my MIL disagree, there are days when we don’t talk with each other…but then she is so used to this “CHATTERBOX”…that we patch up soon:)

    oh same here…since I’m a chatterbox I just can’t be angry with anyone for a longer time after all it hurts me only to keep mum ๐Ÿ˜›

    God bless you both!!
    Gayu

  10. You know this post reminded me of my mom coz all the points that you mentioned here have been told to me by my mom at some or the other point in time… I guess its a DIL thing…. After all she too is a DIL… ๐Ÿ™‚
    The key point remains the same everywhere that its all about adjustment a bit for your end and a bit from the other end… ๐Ÿ™‚

    you got it right baby ๐Ÿ™‚ good for your future MIL ๐Ÿ˜‰

  11. Hey! Lovely post. And its all so true really. The thought that both of you need to adjust for the other person-no matter what the relationship is- keeps the relationship going. I loved this post…

    glad you agree RS ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. I remember my mom always saying “Girls even if you become collector one day, one basic thing u must know is cooking..not for other’s but for your own survival in any condition” and I must say that has been useful to me n my sis in life ๐Ÿ™‚ well for MIL-DIL it’s universal fact to have strenuous relationship, I didn’t get any opportunity to see how my grandma’s relatin was with my mom..but I’m lucky enough to have a good MIL ๐Ÿ™‚

    aren’t mom across the globe same in teaching their daughters ๐Ÿ˜€ touch wood for your MIL ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. 100% agree!! as they say you have to choose your battles ๐Ÿ™‚ But then some MILs are straight from hell and some DILs are no angels either! There is a funny limerick “Seeta ji ke vanwaas jane mein bahut badi seekh hai, agar ghar main teen teen saas ho to jungle hi theek hai” ๐Ÿ˜€

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s