The never fading craving

This post sprouted from R’s Mom post. Though I wrote a longish comment at her post I still have somethings to say about this ‘son craving’…told you how chatter-ish I’m 😉

R’s mom has already written things that most of us agree because we belong to the same league of people who think alike on these lines.

Getting married,having babies and having a particular gender is all a personal choice. First of all everyone needs to get this right in their heads,which ironically people don’t understand and they are constantly at you-if you are into a relationship they want you to get married and if you are married they want you to have babies and if you have a girl child they want you to have a male child!

So, it’s all about a male child,isn’t it? With so many radio and television commercials doing rounds and movements like Beti Bachao Abhiyan our society is still the same,no effect of things happening around.

The basic thing: If no one wants the girl child there will be a day people will [forcibly]become gay and shall not have babies or may be men will start hatching some eggs,huh!

The next thing: Having a male child does not guarantee security in your old age,period,the sooner you get it right the better !

And the next: Having a male child will surely take your family name ahead but are you sure you’ll live that long to see/hear that? And if you live to that moment-what next? Just passing your family name to the next generation is all you want a boy for? Nothing else?

When I was pregnant people used to ask me if I’ve a preference for the gender of the baby and to which I used to say this. Of course that time I was clueless what was God going to send me 🙂 Now today if someone asks me what do I want if we go for a second child then I have a answer to that and yes it is ‘I wish to have a baby boy’. My reason is pretty simple-I just want to experience bringing up both genders just like my parents did. And of course if I deliver a girl again,it’s not going to make me sad or something cause having a male child is a wish and not a demand or a criteria for having another child. It would have been the other way too if the first time I would have had a son.

Coming to my family-my BIL has two daughters and now we have one. By society’s logic we must now have a male child or else our family name doesn’t see the light of the day in the next generation,sigh! But who cares? Especially,the MIL is just not bothered of this fact,so thankfully we’re at peace. But do you think that’s the end of the story at our place? huh! Our relatives are adamant that we must have another child and that should be a male child,of course for the typical reasons! Any way they can go take a hike!

All this is about people like us who have unbiased thinking towards the gender of the baby. Now coming to the people who think otherwise. As I mentioned on RM’s post I think the entire lot of such people are not to be blamed per say. Reasons being, I think there are lot of these who are not biased towards a male child but are made to think/behave on these lines. Societal pressures, Dependency on family, No support form partner and constant pushing from ILs and sometimes even your own family too and more importantly not having a self opinion.

I also think being educated doesn’t make much difference to this thinking and here is an example which I wrote about sometime back.

So it’s not only education but the overall mindset of the society that we dwell in. People might be well educated and self sufficient but a lot of them are still not that strong to go against their families,partners and/or ILs OR their upbringing doesn’t allow them to do so!  


12 thoughts on “The never fading craving

  1. True true true…I so agree to whatever you wrote..

    okie, so I just put the conversation in hte post, not my thoughts actually…if you ask RD he will say he wants a boy next, just like you because he wants to bring up kids of both dont care…not that RD will be upset or anything if the second kid (if we ever have one..) is a girl….

    I loved what you wrote…

    Wishing you all a super duper new year 🙂

  2. Oh I so agree with each and every word!

    I am the only child of my parents, and so many times, they have been asked these questions. Thankfully, my parents had only one answer – We have one kid, and that kid is going to be our world – boy or girl does not matter. 🙂 That said, I have seen many instances where girls have been suffering like anything, in silence, just because they have been put in certain situations, just because they are girls. My mom says if you have a boy, at least that kind of pain can be avoided. And to some extent, I can agree with that. It is not always to carry on the family name that a couple wants a boy.

    I agree that it is not education that is causing this mindset. I have seen educated people from very well-to-do families longing for a male child even when they have perfectly beautiful and well-behaved girls at home. 😦 Thankfully, the hubby and I do not think that way – we are ready to accept whatever God gives us. I, in fact, want a girl – just to dress her up like a doll. 🙂

    Maybe the key to bettering this mindset of the society lies in the way you bring up your girl child. If you raise your kid to be strong enough to face anything and everything, you have no worries about not having a son, or your child facing problems in life!

  3. Hey scribby amazinng post …Yes i agree preference of a baby girl/boy is a personal choice and yes just a choice not a demand.I guess the demand infact should be a physically/mentally healthy baby.

    Really a great post and very well documented…

  4. it is definitely not education but ability to analyse any situation, thinking logically….which most people lack….

    I have had my share of such experiences…it was the time when my bhaiya and bhabhi were blessed with their first child and it was a boy….what I heard from people was “wow, pehla baccha ladka ho jaaye, isse zyada ma-baap ke liye kya khushi ki baat”…I was shocked to hear this..isn’t my bhabhi and baby being healthy doesn’t matter…isn’t the fact that she is recovering just fine doesn’t matter….
    when someone says boy means looking after you in old age, I ask them to look around…see the condition of most people who have son but are still miserable…if having son was guarantee to happiness then majority of indian society would have been happy….but that isn’t the case…

    as far as carrying the family name – who remembers whose name you are actually carrying forward..i.e. Great-great grandfather’s name etc? Then why worry about the name…
    a person or family is remembered by their legacy, how they have impacted other’s lives…make some contribution to world and your name will live forever…

    you know the reason why I’m so pumped….coz recently I have been experiencing such comments…..but I have an advantage being this far, I don’t have to listen to them on regular basis…..

  5. Nice post Scribby…there was recently an article in the news here about how parents here seem to have a preference for girls over boys which I thought was interesting given the kind of society we were brought up in! I for one, if and when I do have kids, want a girl. I have decided that if I can’t have one biologically, I will adopt. I definitely want to pass on the feminism to a next generation! 😛

  6. I had read RM’s post two and I so agree to what the both of you have to say and like you said people who wish for a boy child only to carry their name further might not even live long enough to see it all then what is the point… Why can’t people just cherish the happiness that present has bestowed upon them without caring a thing about tomorrow….

  7. Sach mein. No logic na? It is not just the preferance for the male child, it is also the pressure on the male child to “repay” his parents once he grows up that gets to me. As if he as raised like a bull. My FIL often talks badly about those “sons” who have supposedly left their parents to settle abroad after becoming achievers. It’s a vicious cycle and needs to be broken.

  8. Ahhh these relatives!! and the obsession with boy child! god knows when our society will break out of these chains of prejudice.

    yeah god only knows well,sigh!

  9. So true! I have two boys and the second time around, I prayed to have a girl for the same reason that you mentioned. I was a teeny bit sad and so was hubby when the doc told us that we had a boy yet again. I have a sis and a bro and I loved the feeling of being brought up with a brother and a sister. But then these things are not in our hand. Can you believe that some people tell me that I should try for a girl? They have to be loony to think that I will have 3 kids. I mean two was and is gutsy enough? :).

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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