What happens when you hit your all time lows? You feel drained,worked up,pressurized,lonely,guilty,lazy and victimized.
On some such moments in life,I need a breather.A break from everything-to break free and relax my mind.To think simply nothing just be.To avoid conflicts,confrontations,constant battles in the mind and self cursing. I want to feel the air,to smell the flowers,to gaze at the skies and just do nothing.
Okay,so when I get this break and I do all of that I mentioned above,do I feel alright? Do I like this break? No! I want to go back to my zone,my comfort zone,however bad it is at the moment,I want to go back there. So what if this break means a life saving boon to me…it’s still not mine and it’s temporary! So,why do I want to depend on something which is not going to last forever? Why do I want to take help from something like this which is going to cause me more hurt-cause once this phase is over I’ll feel more depressed to come back to my zone.
So,what’s this hype of taking breaks and pausing for a moment ? Why can’t life simply be in a straight line and offering solution with the problems too? Okay,if that’s too much then at least some hints directing to the solutions? I feel trapped when I’m left with only problems and no way out of it…or is it me? I can’t see the ways out? My brain is not functioning the way it should,sharply?
Phases! Yeah life has so many phases and I’ve heard this like forever. But when does one phase end and the new one starts? What if all the phases are similar in nature ? What does one do?
At the end of this all time low ‘phase’ I guess I’m left with so many question only. Nothing more nothing less,it’s like ending with the same note as one started with! What’s the difference then? How do I say that the phase is over?
There are things that I know are only in my control yet I’m not doing anything regarding them,why? Oh blame this ‘phase’!!! Bullshit! All crappy reasons to just not do anything. Dilemmas surround me at this moment and there are so many things to settle down…so many! And you know what,everything is on me,ha! See the beauty of the thing…there is no other element involved in this whole scenario…I feel like it’s between me and god,huh?
And you know the philosophical statements that people keep throwing at me at such time,it irritates me to no bounds. But the people are not to be blamed,I would have done the same to someone else who was in distress. One typical line which is been given to you is God gives pain to those who he trusts are strong enough to deal with it !!!! Ah,may be he gets the idea of being strong from the plumpness of your being,is it? Whatever!
I know this might not be making any sense to you,but this is exactly what I’m feeling right now. I’m not a person who keeps talking about the pain I’m going through but then I need a vent so here is my vent out!