A heavy heart

Since the sad demise of my friend I’ve been thinking. Not that this is the first time a death news has arrived. Have seen deaths in family too. But why do I feel shaken totally? I kept thinking for a long time about T since the news came in. I spoke to few of our common friends and every one said the same thing-just can’t believe this! Is it because of her age? I mean she was just 33? Are we psyched in a way to digest that old people die but young don’t? Do we by default associate death with ailing and sick ? Or it is just that she being our friend we can’t digest the news?

Thinking further I thought was it something that she had planned to tell her husband,H? What was on her mind before she met that ironic accident? Was she carrying and was about to break the news in surprise to H? She might be holding lot of secrets of her friends,family which now all is gone with her.What happens to her stuff? Who sorts it out? There might be something that must not want others to know or see but now everything is in open.But will it now matter? How will her family go through her things? Just by thinking about it,it feels horrible!

People like me who fall in the category of close friends got to know quiet immediately. But what about the ‘others’ who are connected to her FB account? When will they know? Will they ever know? There are so many people one tends to add out of social obligations but isn’t very much friends with. Such people. Will they ever know what has happened to T? Will H close down her account ?

coming to think of it…we have a huge blog friend circle. But I’m not sure how many of our spouses and families know of our blog friends and are connected to them via some medium? What if something happens to me someday? How will you come to know? What if I just leave my blog unattended for a longer time and never answer to your emails inquiring my whereabouts? Will you consider me dead? Does going away from the virtual world means being dead? Of course not but then is it to be considered our moral responsibility to keep our readers and blog friends informed of our well being if we’re not active for sometime ?

What am I saying? I’m asking too many questions right now! I’m really shaken…my heart feels heavy..this weight of sadness is unbearable…I’m time and again taken to old times…I can see her happy-go-lucky face…he bubbly-ness…her infectious energy…she extroversion…I think I’ll take time to realize the truth!

One of her friends posted this on her wall…apparently the first one to post this bad news….

“my friendz plz log in regularly & post something,like or comment 2 make us sure ur alive,today i got sad news of T that she met with an accident and died on the spot. she studied with me up to class 9th .STAY SAFE, LIVE HAPPILY u have a very good family”

Don’t we sometimes act irresponsible and lazy when we don’t return that missed call a friend/family just made to us? Don’t we think that okay we’ll call back later and forget that in life later is most likely not to come?

We can’t stop life to behave erratically but we can stop being lazy and putting things on tomorrow…we can call back as soon as possible taking it as a priority, we can inform people waiting back home of change in our plans to reach late,we can stay in touch via phone calls instead of emails and smses…we can basically take life seriously!


14 thoughts on “A heavy heart

  1. I always have this fear Scribby.. when someone doesn’t return my call or doesn’t respond to my e-mail I have this urge to somehow talk to them sooner to find out if things are alright at their end… I get so restless.. this is one of the reason I give up sooner even when there is a tiff with someone… I totally understand your state now.. calm down and try to distract your mind. i know its easier to say… a big hug coming your way..

    I can understand that Ani..we just need to be more organized in our way of living and taking calls/emails/smses seriously!

  2. Hugs hugs darling…I know it seems so so unreal..

    when you wrote about not updating the blog friend circle, I got all goosebumps…I have never even given it a thought…how stupid can I get na!

    I dont know what else to say, you must feel terrible…hugs hugs and all my prayers

    thanks RM,hugs helped me 🙂

  3. I so totally understand what you mean. I have thought on these lines too, a lot of times. I have, in fact, asked the OH to post an update on my blog in case I die suddenly. It shocked him, of course, but I told him what I wanted.

    I know this reaction,husby reacted in the same manner!

    Yes, I think each and every person associated with us – either in a small or big way – deserves to know such things. Blog friends are among them.


    I think we do get more shaken up by the deaths of young people, maybe because they have just started to live their lives. With old people, there is at least the satisfaction that they have lived their life, had their times… Just my two cents.

    I agree with Anisnest. I get extremely restless if I call someone or SMS and they don’t receive my call or revert. Maybe because I have heard of too many of such incidents. Maybe because life is so unpredictable.

    Hugs, Scribby! Please do try to divert yourself and relax.

    yeah trying to and feeling a lot more better today,thanks TGND!

  4. Its just terrible to know about this…its both shocking and terrifying…

    Please don’t be so hard on yourself…life has to go on…and thoughts about what will happen when you go and all will simply make you more depressed…keep away from them…

    Hugs dear

    yeah trying to think about other things Varsh…but you know the thought of her accident keeps coming back to me 😦

  5. Your fears are right and I got the same one .. I feel that too , i go out tonight for my shift never to come back .. will anyone ever know …

    for my mortgage I had og via a financial advisor who advised me to make a will and in that will I have put my best friends name and address to be informed in case I die here in uk … and no one comes to know 🙂

    As you said all blogger friends some have become very good friends and when they dont post for a few days I tend to ask , maybe if I dont post for a week or so people will ask me too and when they dont get a reply will assume me gone good bye

    You take care of yourself scribby I know easy to say difficult to do but do take care hugs your way..

    thanks for these wishes B,they mean a lot!

  6. I agree with you…a Colleague of mine passed away in the train bomb blasts that happened on July 2006 in Mumbai. I came to know about it after 3 months.

    There is so much more to life…we keep on cribbing about small things…but we forget the most important thing…”We are Alive”…we are there for our parents…children…spouse…friends…

    We should be grateful to God….and make the most of this moment…
    Take care dear…spend some time with Chirpy…you will feel better…

    I wish i could hug u right now…..HUG

    aww I so wish I could have got a real Hug from you Gayu…you’re really sweet,thanks for this one 🙂


  7. It’s best not to think about it too much. Yes, life is fickle. Yes, people do die young. But then, there are a lot more people who see 3 generations before they die. And hopefully, most of us will land there 🙂

    thanks for this positive note MoRS 🙂

  8. Hugs to you. Big big hugs and lots of them. I know it is not easy and I know nothing can make it better and more so for her family. So all I will give is a hug and tell you that you can always reach out when you need a friend.

    I know comfy,thanks for being there you know it means a lot to me!

  9. I was just dumbstruck and didn’t know what to write here in the comments section. Although we all know that death is uncertain, we seem to live as if we are immortals.

    Hugs to you. May god give strength to all her dear ones to cope up with the loss.

    thanks for these Hugs Seems..much required at this time!

  10. sweetie! Been off reading blogs for a lil while, and missed all this. I just cannot imagine what you would be going through right now, it is impossible to understand.

    I cannot even say anything that the other have not. So just passing on wishes that you all have the strength to cope.

    it’s okay sweetie 🙂 I’m doing good now!

  11. HUGS!
    I know how you must be feeling as we are in the same boat… I lost my Grandmother recently… when one of my classmate passed away in an accident couple of years back, I too was praying for it to be false…

    how ironic life can be 😦

  12. I can understand the horrible feeling… and as you said it has something to do with people of our own age group facing death and the reality shock that how eailsy life vanishes, people vanish.
    You remember that girl in my MBA classes, who passed away during final exams something to do with her stomach ulcers bursting and for which she was saving money with her part time jobs? She never told her family about it. I could not come over it for few days.. something triggered inside.
    Something similar happened during Diwali in our departement in office, a new joinee, all healthy merely 25 years of age got slighly unwell in office, was rushed to hospital and passed away of a massive cardial arrest. Can you believe that? heart attack at 25. I was unaware of the whole case, only got to knwo when we were called the next day to share the news, i was not related to him, never interacted with him on a personal level but I cudnt stop my tears, in that formal surrounding as well. I sobbed uncontrobelly. His name was Kishan, I coudnt stop thinking about his parents, that day I realised tht the pain of losing a child/ young child is the biggest pain on earth.
    You know my nanaji survived cancer, survived heart attacks but when my mamaji faced a sudden death my nanaji cudnt survive for even an year after him….

    I have no idea where I started and where I am ending.. but just these thoughts in my mind since i read about your friend.

    yeah I do remember Rekha and it was shocking as hell at that time..I remember you’d called me to break this news 😦

  13. I know what you mean Scribby…we do associate death with the frail and elderly and possibly are also open to young people dying if they have been sick (e.g. cancer) but when someone young dies suddenly, it’s hard to digest.

    yeah I think that’s what has hit me hard!

    And I too have wondered about what would happen if I died re the blog etc…no one knows my password and only about 3-4 people in my life read my blog or know I keep one. I am not a fan of FB so rarely post statuses and stuff but I figure that most people on FB don’t give a shit if I’m dead or alive…the ones who do text me or email me.

    should we not have someone as a back up to inform virtual friends? I think they have a right to know especially the ones who care!

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