My cousin sister who is 20, has just started reading novels and often borrows books from me. Now the novels do contain some mention about sex, kissing , smooching, break offs and the likes. For her,this has opened a new world altogether since she has never discussed such things with friends and of course not with parents.
Since we are quiet close she one day coyly asks me about ‘sex’.And while talking to her I got to know that I’m the second person she is talking about it to,the first being her mother. I was curious to know what all did her mother told her aboutit and to which I got a very expected answer – ‘Who told you about this?Where did you read it? Stop reading novels,this all is not for you.Your are not big enough to know such things.’
Why I said ‘very expected’ answer is I know their mindsets and the environment in their family. So, she turned to me and to which I explained her in very clear and hopefully cleaner terms. This is what I told her precisely-
“Sex is an important ingredient of our lives. A biological need taking place for pleasure and making babies.You came as a result of sex between your parents.It’s not something that one should not talk about or hide cause everyone in the world knows it. However,there are some rules,if I may say so,governing sex. You don’t just get up and do sex with anyone and everyone. It has to be a protected sex,always,unless you and your partner want to have children out of it. You should possibly not indulge in sex unless you’re married but of course that is an individual perspective and a collective decision of you and your partner. Sex,if done forcibly is called rape and one should fight for it even if it means you’re forced by your legally wedded husband or vice versa. Ironically,in our Indian set up,families don’t consider talking about this openly as ‘nice’ hence the angry tone in your mother’s voice when you asked her about it. Also,just because we are a gen next people doesn’t mean we talk about it anytime and with anyone. Just that there is nothing ‘bad’ about sex and one should have a balanced way of handling such topics when in public. As far as novels containing a mention of sex,it is totally okay to read because that’s just a part of story like it is a part of our lives.”
I don’t know how much sense did I make to her,though she said she now understood it clearly and doesn’t feel ‘bad’ about it. Also, she confessed that she felt pretty curious when her mother turned her questions down and she was considering talking to her friends but then thought of asking me instead!
I secretly thanked her in my mind that she didn’t wander in search for answers regarding the topic and hopefully I guided her pretty well. I still don’t understand why do parents,especially mothers of young girls don’t talk about it openly to them? At least they should be guiding their daughters at this age.Aren’t the daughters making mothers’ job easy by asking question rather the mothers’ finding ways to open up the topic? I mean at the age of 20 I think children [?] have right to know and to know it correctly cause they have crossed their teenage phase & quiet grown up to be called adults!
And all this brings me back to the issue that I wrote last year about my newly married friend being 32 and not feeling comfortable about sex and not even wanting to try it out! I think this is where it starts or this is one of the commonest reasons why people are not knowledgeable or are uncomfortable or wrongly informed of things.