Question that goes unanswered

My cousin sister who is 20, has just started reading novels and often borrows books  from me. Now the novels do contain some mention about sex, kissing , smooching, break offs and the likes. For her,this has opened a new world altogether since she has never discussed such things with friends and of course not with parents.

Since we are quiet close she one day coyly asks me about ‘sex’.And while talking to her I got to know that I’m the second person she is talking about it to,the first being her mother. I was curious to know what all did her mother told her aboutit and to which I got a very expected answer – ‘Who told you about this?Where did you read it? Stop reading novels,this all is not for you.Your are not big enough to know such things.’ 

Why I said ‘very expected’ answer is I know their mindsets and the environment in their family. So, she turned to me and to which I explained her in very clear and hopefully cleaner terms. This is what I told her precisely-

“Sex is an important ingredient of our lives. A biological need taking place for pleasure and making babies.You came as a result of sex between your parents.It’s not something that one should not talk about or hide cause everyone in the world knows it. However,there are some rules,if I may say so,governing sex. You don’t just get up and do sex with anyone and everyone. It has to be a protected sex,always,unless you and your partner want to have children out of it. You should possibly not indulge in sex unless you’re married but of course that is an individual perspective and a collective decision of you and your partner. Sex,if done forcibly is called rape and one should fight for it even if it means you’re forced by your legally wedded husband or vice versa. Ironically,in our Indian set up,families don’t consider talking about this openly as ‘nice’ hence the angry tone in your mother’s voice when you asked her about it. Also,just because we are a gen next people doesn’t mean we talk about it anytime and with anyone. Just that there is nothing ‘bad’ about sex and one should have a balanced way of handling such topics when in public. As far as novels containing a mention of sex,it is totally okay to read because that’s just a part of story like it is a part of our lives.”

I don’t know how much sense did I make to her,though she said she now understood it clearly and doesn’t feel ‘bad’ about it. Also, she confessed that she felt pretty curious when her mother turned her questions down and she was considering talking to her friends but then thought of asking me instead!

I secretly thanked her in my mind that she didn’t wander in search for answers regarding the topic and hopefully I guided her pretty well. I still don’t understand why do parents,especially mothers of young girls don’t talk about it openly to them? At least they should be guiding their daughters at this age.Aren’t the daughters making mothers’ job easy by asking question rather the mothers’ finding ways to open up the topic? I mean at the age of 20 I think children [?] have right to know and to know it correctly cause they have crossed their teenage phase & quiet grown up to be called adults!

And all this brings me back to the issue that I wrote last year about my newly married friend being 32 and not feeling comfortable about sex and not even wanting to try it out! I think this is where it starts or this is one of the commonest reasons why people are not knowledgeable or are uncomfortable or wrongly informed of things.

7 thoughts on “Question that goes unanswered

  1. 20 and she didn’t know about sex? Wow! I must admit I never approached my mum about it but my friends and I talked about sex from about 14-15. Here thankfully they teach them sex-ed in Year 8 or 9 even though most kids know about sex fromwhen theyare 11 or 12. But yeah, the more the topic is thought of as ‘taboo’ the more difficult it becomes to accept one of the most natural things on this planet!

  2. Ohh she is 20 and doesn’t know anything about sex? 😯 She must be really coming from a very very orthodox family then. I thought one got to see kiss, sex etc even from hindi movies and Ekta Kapoor serials 🙄

    Anyways, am so sending all my kids to you when they start asking me about sex 🙂

  3. Thankfully my mom has been pretty open with me… But then I do know of parents who get a shock of their life when their kids even mention s of the word sex and I feel bad for them… I just don’t understand why is it considered to be such a big taboo…

  4. Once again, you echo my thoughts, Scribby! I also believe you should educate your children about sex too, just as you educate them about other things. Of course, it should be done in the right way. You know your child best, and you would naturally be the best teacher for him/her in this regard. It is better than your child seeking answers from TV, the internet,books or friends! I can understand it might be uncomfortable, but I guess it can be done if you are friends with your child instead of just guardians. Don’t know if I am making sense here.

    I have no experience in dealing with kids. My opinion is formed entirely on the basis of my observations and gut feeling.

  5. Perfect Scribby, I appreciate you for this. This happens. There are many such familes wherein talking such things is still a taboo. I strongly feel that parents should talk about this to children…it is better and safer that we as a parent educate them.

    read the other post also….and I still can’t belive that…

  6. 🙂 20 year old and her mom shooed her off when she asked about sex? That’s India for you my dear 😀
    You answer was extremely good. I am going to mug it up for future (when my kids ask).
    BTW, my H mentioned “rapist” in some context and my son hung on it. What is “rapist”? H somehow wriggled out of it. Son has stared reading now, am sure he’s gonna read “sex” somewhere and ask us about it. Need to keep an ans ready ! 🙂

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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