I need to take a break from ‘Friends’

Friendships,hmm! The word by the go is so confusing,no? I mean especially for people like me who are very emotional [fools!]

You become friends with someone, you put all your heart and soul in the friendship, you love the person to the core, you do anything within your limits to keep that person happy and then suddenly one fine day you wake up to only see that the person not only is gone away but stabbed you in your heart….

You make online friends-blogging to be precise, you invest your love in them, you’ve not met them personally but you have exchanged all your information and you’ve spoken to each other and you tag them as your ‘friends’ after knowing them ‘really well’ and then one fine day they stop visiting your blog and stop being in touch on FB and when you ask ‘why’ they say ‘a little busy’ but you notice that they are all over the blog land but your blog. You feel hurt and left with no answers to so many ‘whys’ dancing in your head!!!

No don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking of the comments on the blog. I’m talking of people being honest / cheating on you. Picture this: You ask your old blog friend,who was by the way very regular on your blog until recently,that why have you stopped commenting/visiting my blog to which your friend replies that she is extremely busy these days and not blog hopping much. Whereas you see her on every other blog and every day! Won’t you feel you were lied to? Won’t you feel hurt?

It’s not compulsory to comment but IMO it’s really necessary to be honest in friendship,for that matter any relationship. You might not like what I write but then we are friends so this means it’s more than being blog buddies,right? We now exist in each others’ real life and that is a different relationship altogether…so it’s not just blogs…it’s friendship that’s going haywire and that hurts me by tonnes.

What irks me too is that people by just not saying anything decide to get up and leave. I mean leave a word even if that means a ‘good bye’. At least be courteous for the good times that we spent together,right? Is it asking for too much?

Just when do you really ‘know’ that this is your friend? How do you test the other person? Even after so many years on this earth and countless grey hair,I’m still a novice 😦

I cringe on loosing friends.My fault is I instantly trust people and give all my love to them. I need to learn a lot about friendships,I guess. People come and go and sometimes also take advantage of your goodness,I’ve to stop that!

Every phase of my life has seen a friend or two cheating on me and mostly using me for her own good. And the funny part is every single time I fall pray to such people around…ain’t I so brilliant? Huh!

And the worst part is because of handful of such people I tend to suspect the other genuine friends-from virtual and real world,both. I get scared to get close to anyone and open my heart up. I feel insecure in everyone’s company in general then. Basically, I get confused and feel like not having any friends at all !

I need to strengthen my heart and service my brain.

I need to stop being emotional about everyone.

I need to give some time to other person to prove his/her goodness.

I need to stop loving so much.

I need to prioritize.

I need to stop making best friends in every circle/phase of my life.

I need to understand other’s mind.

I need to put myself first than others.

I need to get a grip of my speed with which i trust everyone.

I need to pull myself back.

I need to stop expecting.

I need to learn to be practical.

Gosh! Such a huge exercise to do,all in the name of saving myself from the heartbreaks that leave their ugly marks on my mind!

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44 thoughts on “I need to take a break from ‘Friends’

  1. Very well said scribby , I have learnt the hard way.. people make a relation at drop of a hat, same has. Happened a lot of my best friends or so called best friends… And some also made me bhaiya etc etc but a few don’t even bother coming…

    I am trying my level best to think by my mind rather than heart.. people are ruthless I tell you..

  2. I would be hurt too if someone I’ve known for long just suddenly vanishes. But, you know what, I don’t keep count of how many times my friends visit my blog. There are a few blogger friends I’ve known that might drop in maybe once in 3-4 posts. I sincerely do not keep track or wonder why they are not coming or commenting on my blog. If they have something to comment, they will. Let us not get too emotional in the process. Just like real life, we win some and lose some. Cheer up now! This too shall pass.

    1. yes I agree with what you are saying and believe me it’s not about commenting on blogs..like I’ve mentioned in the post as well as in my reply to Anonymously Disguised’s comment…I just want to know the real reason behind any ‘friend’ not wanting to talk or not wanting to be friends anymore..just let me know and leave…no one’s stopping you,right? but guess what’s simple for me might not be simple for the other person.I need to accept this!

  3. phew…thank god I have been commenting on almost all of your posts :mrgreen:

    Jokes apart, blogging is a very very dicey kind of a relationship. I have made very good friends here who is now beyond that phase where it matters if we read, comment etc on each others blog. I just have to mail, ping or call them up and we hit it off 🙂 But, I have come across the other set of people who will indulge you only if you comment on their blog, FB posts etc….honestly, I don’t give a damn to such people 😛 There are too many good bloggers out there for us to be worried about the selfish ones 😉

    All I can say is that you don’t have to get your head examined if a friend ditches you…..I think it is the friend who needs her/his heart examined 😥

    Hugs samdhan and dedicating this song to those beautiful relationship we all share online 😛

    1. I hear you saks and you know we are friends beyond blogs…in fact we’re beyond friendship too 😉 and trust me it’s not at about commenting on blogs…it’s just about being honest about one’s feelings…one might feel pissed off with me so I guess that person should just say it out rather make excuses of not being in touch and basically lying and indicating that that person doesn’t want to talk to me…you getting me?

      I just want people to be simply straight…guess this is too much to ask for 😦

  4. I agree on some parts. Backstabbing friends are so not rare these days. One day the thickest of all and the next, we don’t even know who they are. I think whether it is blogging or not, some people are like that. All the points that you have written will take a toll on you emotionally. Holding oneself back is not easy. But I hope you recover from heartache and don’t be a pessimist. Life upholds.

    1. Yeah I understand that if I try to be what I’m not I might end up being in sadder state..I guess I just need to let this phase pass and let it be 🙂 Tnx Jas!

  5. I can really really understand how you feel.. hugs dear!! Its such a pain when you know you are no longer friends with people who used to be so close with you.. and worst of all, you dont even know why you are getting ignored.. 😦 All I can say is.. you are being good (at heart) by believing every person you meet.. only those who understand you and your love stay with you..

  6. Errr..Scribby darling…as a ‘friend’ a couple of things..

    Dont take such things too seriously…I can totally understand about at least saying a good
    bye..its the least which is expected! but then its fine…if people dont want to keep in touch, ITS THEIR LOSS! you are too sweet 🙂

    Be as you are, because thats what endears you to us…you are a rockstar babes 🙂 okie?

  7. Hugs Scribby or rather comrade-in-arms, coz I am too at this kind of receiving end. Just that I have not experienced this virtually, maybe because I am relatively new, but I have such heartbreaks in real life. You give your everything, and one fine day everything is up in smoke. You do not know what hit you or the ‘friend’.

    The chart which you have drawn up for yourself, I have a question for one point. Why do you have to stop loving? All the points which you have mentioned might save you from a heartbreak from the other person, but they will distance you from yourself. Do you think it is easing to stop being emotional and not to worry just like that? 🙂

    What I would say is be yourself, but a bit cautious, do not open up until you get the same vibes from the other person.

    P.S You may edit/ delete this comment if you want Scribby 🙂

    1. first things first Visha…why would I want to delete this lovely comment? 🙂

      Well when I wrote ‘I must stop loving’ I meant that I need not love from the word go…you know…like first let the other person love me,may be, and then start giving yourself?

      pata nahi yaarr…I’m just so bugged up with these fluctuations in life,caused my friends, that I have kind of just given up on the concept of friendship!

      1. haha…cause I thought you would not like it 😛

        It is a very delicate matter Scribby, you can hit off instantly with a just met person, you can take years to open up with a long time acquaintance. Think – why does this happen 🙂

  8. acho scribby, dont get emotional.. u need to give space.. i think tat is wat is taught, and is simple rule in every relation.. dont expect ppl to reciprocate for ur actions.. :).. just chill dear.. this incident should nt stop u from making new friends.. u will come across so many kinds of ppl teaching u so many lessons..
    now cheer up.. 🙂

    1. yeah I guess you are right 🙂 I can’t generalize all friends …there are people and then there are people!

      I’ll keep your advice in mind 🙂

  9. Scribby Putti (Putti is like well beti in a very affectionate way in Kannada and since I am going to be grandmotherly I thought it best to call you that way) 😛

    I know you trust and make friends so easily and give so much to them. I still look at that ebautiful collage you made for me 🙂 and always feel so wonderful about it ! 🙂

    Scribby, trust me, when I say this. If you hadn’t given your heart easily and made friends even if it meant at the cost of few, you gained some in the process, right?
    I know you won’t stop loving or befriending people just coz’ of this experience. Neither do I think you will work an inch towards that list you made for yourself 😛 Ya, I can be frank like that. You acn’t change your instincts by resolve Scribby 🙂 atleast, I don’t think so.
    I will tell you what will happen – you will make friends, lose some because they found someone or were “busy” and then you will learn who your friends actually are, your faith gets renewed when those few friends stand by you and you trust your instinct and make more friends 🙂
    As humans, it is hard not to expect – I mean, c’mon, we do expect each other to be there and hold us and that is why we call it a relationship, right? But what we can do is to be happy for those who really did stand by us. and thank God for friendships that went beyond expectations.

    Now, if you have reached till here, you know why I called you putti and beti and all 🙂 You are a wonderful person – lovely and inspiring (I did not share teh aard for nothing , okay?) and just so friendly. That’s who you are. why should others influence that and you miss out on chances to meet other wonderful people (like myself -ahem-)? Hmmmph.

    Stay Scribby always okay? 🙂
    We love you for that.

    1. you have no idea how much I loved this whole message dadi ma 😉 Thank you so much for writing this while thing…I know there are times when we get emotional and make some decisions for tomorrow,whereas tomorrow shows you a different face altogether…

      I was just so distressed with these things taking place so regularly…just wanted to vent it out and I feel much better today 🙂

      thanks for people around you who stand by to hold hands …I’m glad I found you 🙂

      Hugs!

  10. Take a look at my blog if you feel bad that your regular readers are not visiting you or someone has ditched you. I’ve often felt that as far as blog-reading and hopping and commenting is concerned people care to read you for only as long as they see your footprints on their blog space too. Its astonishing how one can disappear. Honestly, I don’t think it matters a lot to me.
    I’ve always told you, you don’t have to make every Tom Dick and Harry who comes across you a part of your life, but no, you actually are a fool in this case! Sorry to say! Isn’t it better to have a couple of good friends than a herd of ‘pretend’ friends who can desert you anytime they want? Don’t let any random person have that kind of control on your life or emotions. I’ve been ditched and heartbroken many times. But now neither does meeting someone nice make me extremely happy nor does someone’s leaving make me depressed. Sachhi.
    I guess I’ve learnt my lesson. You still have to learn yours. Good luck. And yes, when you have C in your life why do others even need this much attention? I wonder…

    1. I know where you are coming from and you know me well…on this side of life I’ve mostly been used and lot of cases that you know of…coming to virtual world…like I’ve mentioned in the post also..it’s not about commenting…I don’t care if anyone reads my blog or no…with really pally friends we nudge them to ask hey why do you not comment but that’s that…like between you and me we do tease each other that ways but you and me know that our friendship is not limited to blogs…that dates back way beyond the time we can recall…

      it’s all about being honest and straight in the behavior…I’m human and I expect…that’s the trouble with me…may be I expect beyond limits! The case that I’ve mentioned above about the blog friend goes like this- I generally check with that friend that she is not to be seen around my blog when she was the first few who would comment on each and every post no matter what goes on in her life…also we knowing each other personally now are connected on FB and obviously were all over each others’ walls all the time…so suddenly when such a friend starts to disappear you tend to ask ‘why,what happened?’ right? and on asking that when the person says she is really really neck deep in work BUT you see her everywhere like her regular self…then you tend to doubt,don’t you?

      All I want to know is what went wrong? And nothing else…it’s not about why do you not comment on my blog..it’s about why don’t you tell me what’s wrong….

      I’m sure now you know what I mean!

      Oh and having C in life and me thinking on these lines? Well, having C doesn’t make me friendless 😛 hehehehe ….

      I loved the way you explained me things in your comment…you know I respect your views don’t you? And we have had discussions over lot of things in life and have arguments too…the best part is we still remain friends..and that’s what I like about you! Hugs!

      1. Tell me one thing…has it occurred to you that this person doesn’t want to read you anymore? Simple point, but valid nevertheless? You think this person will tell you that she doesn’t want to read you? There are so many wonderful bloggers out there, may be she’s started liking someone else’s blog better? Think about it. If she chooses not to respond or convey her feelings, it really is not worth it. Simple.
        And no, having C doesn’t make you friendless, but it sure does qualify as a very good reason to prioritise your concerns. Random unconcerned blog friends probably shouldn’t even deserve a place in that list.
        And yes, as human we expect, but the trick lies in attaching expectations with people who’re close enough to you and have the same regard for you. I might sound a bit saintly here, but honestly, I’m lot more at peace with myself ever since I decided to expect only from one person:myself! And I know, I’m too sweet to disappoint myself. Hugs dear 🙂

        1. I so agree to each point that you’ve mentioned here Varsh and I’m glad you did write all of it…I’ll keep reminding self about this 🙂 thank you so much!

          Just one thing…as I said it’s not only about commenting…you getting me? It’s about general day to day replies to emails or FB wall posts etc…I can understand one might not like reading a blog after a while but then when you fall under the category of ‘friends’ and are attached to me at all places other than blogging then the relationship is tagged beyond blogging!

          1. I get you. Mails and FB wall posts are your thing right?Stop them. Let the girl miss them and then come to you. She’s probably enjoying teasing you. Don’t let her know you are getting affected. 😉

  11. Oh my dear Scribby…I hear where you are coming from. It’s the dishonesty that probably hurts a lot more than the not visiting the blog. Sadly it’s because of people who break others’ trust that most people end up being cynical. I have been burnt by friends in real life and I know that I can be wary and it takes me a while to trust. I would still say it’s good to be a bit wary so you don’t get taken for a ride as there are a lot of people out in the world who do manipulate and use others. At the same time though, don’t become too paranoid as can happen to some people. Take care…and BIG HUGS!

  12. Hugs Hugs Scribby. I understand this type of behavior from someone can be very hurting. But don’t be too hard on yourself. I think it is the other persons loss… losing out on a good friend like you and not your loss. So please cheer up. I like the cheerful Scribby 🙂

    1. I’m feeling much better after venting it out and having you lovely people giving your hands and pouring valuable comments 🙂 thanks for being there lifesong 🙂 Hugs!

  13. Ayyo sacccccchi mein am not being regular 😛 Check karo, I hv nt commented on Pixer’s, RM’s, Smita’s etc.. latest posts too .. not all of them atleast 😉 And very fact that I read this shows that am around na 😛 😛

    Hugssss 🙂

    1. lol @ your sense of humor 😛 😛 😛 you know I’m not talking about you,right? And I really don’t understand why are you all getting stuck up at only one point,that is commenting on blogs? The problem I’ve stated is much beyond that,okies? 😀

  14. Hugs Scribby 🙂

    I know it hurts when ppl who behaved as good frndz once vanish due to various reasons…and it feels more weird when there are no specific reasons actually… but u know by doing this they are losing something…also dont stop trusting ppl, but only to that extent that if they ditch u don’t get hurt 😀

    Don’t let these ppl control ur mind….:-)

    1. thanks for the hugs NB 🙂 feels good 🙂

      And you know what I was just typing out my post on the oops moment 😉 hehehe I know it’s late but I’m writing it now…shall leave you a link 🙂

  15. Hugs!!
    I know exactly what you mean… I have pulled myself back. A lot actually and the time I have taken to make friends astonishes me!!
    But, I am around… blame the damn knee for not being a regular commentor! I do read your posts, but haven’t commented on a few of them… sigh! and I love you! 😀

  16. I am not guilty praaaaaamisssseee *shakes her head violently n pouts*

    Girls in such moments just shout out over phone n you’ll know how many stories I have. I stopped blogging because of this partly … Then returned or the sake of my book. I’m right here don’t worry n with me around u won’t miss much of drama anyway 😉

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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