How ‘wanting’ person I’m

It’s been the third day today in the new phase of my life and I’ve mixed feelings for everything happening around me.

Right now my thoughts are not very much assembled,may be over the weekend I’ll do a post on assembled thoughts…ha this ‘Assembling Nighttime Thoughts’ is becoming a series on my blog !

Any way, the very first thing that I felt at the very first day of my work was-sadness. Sadness due to Chirpy.

As expected naturally, she was supposed to miss me at least if not make a hue & cry of her mother not being around her the whole day. But the girl that she is has become, she didn’t feel even a little distress. Instead she said bye to me with a broad smile.

I was still okay about this but in the evening when I came back rushing to my daughter I found out that she came to me,said a huge ‘HI’ and went about doing her things in the house. No hugging, no kissing and no showing any signs of ‘mamma,where were you?’ expressions!

I know I should be happy that I’ve a daughter who is independent, not chipku and can manage without any particular person being around her. I must be feel relaxed that she is happy as long as she is fed and put to sleep on time and is taken to the park in the evening to play. I certainly should feel proud that at this tiny age she is doing quiet good.

But I’m not. I mean I’m but something about it irked me the very first day. I cried. I cried because I was expecting. Because I was being selfish. I was expecting her to miss me and show me my importance in her life. I’m being selfish in that sense. I want her to miss me, to be a little sad in the day cause I’m not around her and come running to me in the evening…all for a good massage to my ego!

How fair is this for Chirpy? Would it not be unfair to her if I’m expecting her to now suddenly be dependent on me..where all these days I was talking about getting her used to being independent and manage without me/us around? Would she not be confused? In fact she is doing exactly what I taught her,no? So,what’s wrong?

And coming to think of it,it’s not only the thing of missing me and tugging at me once I’m home. I think it’s also about she being less attached to me as compared to MIL and Husby. I think this is what is bothering me. Cause now they are the ones spending majority of the time with her and  I’m kind of feeling left out,I guess.

Is it natural? Is it okay to feel this way for a first time working mother? Is it the same way how most of the kids behave when they are left behind for the day by their mothers?

Remember DI we had a discussion on the same lines few months back and how wisely and maturely I was giving you gyaan about spending ‘quality’ time with Zo etc? And now that I’m myself at the same juncture I’m feeling low and confused. I want someone to tell me it’s okay. I want someone to tell me they too feel the same. I want someone to tell me that my daughter will always have a special place for me in her life,no matter how much time I spend with her!

Sheesh,there is so much I want from life and people around…how ‘wanting’ person I’ve become!

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43 thoughts on “How ‘wanting’ person I’m

  1. of course what you told DI was right…because thats how it is darling…come on Scribs..you know that C loves you to bits..and honestly, I suggest you wait for a couple of weeks before wallowing in self pity…I dont think C has understood you are going to be away daily..once it gets into her head, babes, you had it..

    and saachmein, I prefer a child who is not chipku than a kid who makes you feel horrid about leaving her alone..bolo bolo?

    Big hugs darling…its always difficult being a parent he?

    1. Yeah too early for me to say anything actually 🙂 You girls really really made my day and put my brain at rest 🙂 Yes in truer sense I would have been drowned in guilt if Chirpy would not have let me go or howled and created drama while me leaving…so I think this is a better state 🙂

      Oh and being a parent? Let’s not discuss that,eh? 🙂

  2. Huuuuuuuugs, it will all be okay. It is okay scribby 🙂 It is the initial stage. i am not going to say that eventually she may feel your absence more and hug you and show that she missed you because I don’t know that. I am not experienced either. But what I can tell you is, a mother is irreplaceable. For that one ailing thing, for that one lost eraser, for that one sip of juice or for that one dose of advice – she will always think of you 🙂 and it is okay to let go and enjoy your new phase. Dont let guilt and sadness take away teh feeling of achievment you have now after getting what you have wanted for long 🙂 Instead make the best of the time you spend with her 🙂 after all, you are one who will attend her PTC and teach her to be a woman in the truest sense of the word 🙂 Make sure you teach her marial arts okay? Grrrr. all the news is getting to me.

    1. You are so mature and sensible and everything nice KT 🙂 I like your analysis and way of putting thoughts in words…Hugs on that!

      and thank you so much for this comment..sometimes we too know a lot of things but when it comes to our own self the whole knowledge vanishes in thin air..human!!!!!

      I loved this line specially after all, you are one who will attend her PTC and teach her to be a woman in the truest sense of the word You’ve made my day dear 🙂

      Oh and martial arts? I’ve already planned it..I’ve promised myself whether Chirpy learns any other curricular activity or no she must learn martial arts and swimming…she has to! Things of choice and recreations have now becoming things of must-do!

  3. hey scribby, hugs to you,
    dont worry same things happened to me initially. now after few months, bunty has realized that i would leave in the morning, so she gets up early and doenst leave me. she has become a chipku, the same one who told me bye initially. but in the evening after i return she is not bothered, she is just busy playing. night she need me to sleep next to her. she takes milk from me, then crawls next to my MIL and sleeps with her. :(.
    so it happens.. after few days u wont think about all this.. hopefully.

    1. Yeah we’ve spoken about it few days back only..I know this feeling..and I’m hopeful Chirpy turns a little considerate toward me 😉 Being a mom is a task in every which way,sigh !

  4. Scribby, yes, it is ok! I too felt the same 21/2 years back when I got back to my full time work leaving my (then) 20 months old daughter with my mom. I too felt terrible that my daughter never cried for me or asked for me through out for the first few days. I also consoled myself that she wasn’t troubling my mom by bawling for me.

    But things slowly changed. As she grew up, she started to miss me and would keep asking my mom when I would get back from office. My bruised ego started healing :). Then she started to welcome me home in the evenings by running up to me and hugging me and refusing to leave my side. All that needed was for her to grow up and understand the concept of ‘missing ‘ mom and of course ‘quality’ time spent by me with her.I think Chirpy is also some 18+ months now. I am sure you will be seeing a different Chirpy in the next few months 🙂

    I also completely understand your concern of Chirpy getting more close to your MIL or Husby. Trust me, I used to have the same ‘insecure’ feeling about my daughter getting closer to my MIL but surprisingly when we moved city & I decided to leave my daughter with my mom, I never felt that!

    So cheer up..You are and will be the most important person to Chirpy..You only have to give her some time to express herself 🙂

    1. awww babies in general seem to be okay even if their mom isn’t around 😉 Like Gayu said too that when her daughter grew up she started missing her…and like you are saying..I guess it’s just the phase..children take time to realize that it’s going to be a daily affair…they are yet to realize the concept of missing…you’re right!

      Chirpy is right now 15 months young and like you say I might find a different little lady waiting for me at the door one fine day,few months down the line 🙂

      Thanks so much for this comment Nits 🙂

  5. yes…its completely OK to feel like this Scribby. HUGZZZZ and more HUGZZZ first. Even Samu behaved the same way when she was of Chirpy’s age.

    But now when she is a big girl, she needs me more. Now she misses me, she even calls me when i am at work…and when she says”I miss u na mama”, I remember those days, when i wanted her to say something like this.

    It will take little time for you to settle down…but trust me its really OK to feel like this.
    All the best..and we all are here to listen to you:)

    Hugzz to Chirpy for being a good girl that she is:)
    Gayu

    1. thanks Gayu for saying that..I feel much better reading you mommies comments now 🙂 and Hugs right back dear!!!

      and the best part is you are there to listen to my jabber 🙂 thank you thank you !!!

      Your hugs to chirpy will be passed on gayu maushi 🙂

  6. Scribby! Scribby! I really cant help you out with a solution or comfort you saying, if its okay or if its not.. I am not in that position yet 😦

    From what I can understand, you are going through a new phase and missing Chirpy at the same time. One side of you feels happy for Chirpy being independent and the other side wishes her to cling to you the moment you are home. I dont think there is so much of thought process going in there for Chirpy.. she is so young and she is just spending her time with whoever is around her. She needs a company and when your MIL or husband are around, she is just coping up fine. From what you have taught her to be, she is independent! All I can say is – Dont worry dear! things will fall right as time goes by.. till then tight hugs!! You are going to be just fine.. hang in there..

    1. Yes you gauged it right GB…right now it’s two minds in me that are troubling…but then with time I’m sure I’ll cope up too 🙂 thanks for the hugs,these are sunshine in such situations 🙂

  7. 1stly congrats 🙂 As I was away I missed all the news & excitement.
    2ndly It happens. Earlier Arnav used to cry when I used to leave for office. Now he doesn’t even bother to say bye some days. The Mom in me feels bad but then I feel proud of him also.
    Chill, you will feel better in some days 🙂

    1. I so wanted to hear this Smits…I think I’ll be fine by next week..Chirpy’s mom that I’m 😉

      yeah this job development happened just last week…thank you so much for the wishes Smits!

  8. awww hugs hon. I cant answer this question as I have no personal experience. But I have talked to a working mother who says her son just lights up on seeing her back from office. And he is 6 months old. I think this too changes with age. But you should be happy she is independent and not chipkoo. I don’t like chipkoo kids so I can get along with chirpy. See she got one more friend and that should make you happy 😀
    Lame attempt I know.

  9. I am not the right person to comment here, but I want to say something anyway. My two paise:

    I think you are perfectly normal in thinking this way. I don’t know why – but I think I would feel the same way too. I don’t think you are ‘wanting’.

    It is great that Chirpy is managing without you fine. Imagine how much pain it would cause you if she kept crying the whole day, missing you? Would you be able to concentrate at work? At least now, you know she is well cared for.

    I think as long as you spend quality time with Chirpy and have fun with her once you return back from work, there is no danger of her showering all her love only on her father and grandma. 🙂 Just make sure that you don’t get busy with housework after office and aren’t able to give her time at all. Easier said than done I know, but I think it is important.

    Last but not the least, it has just been 3 days!! Give things some time to settle down. Everything will be fine. Even if everything does not turn out as per plan, at least you would have gained a new experience and be able to take the right decision next time around – about what you really want in life.

    So, chin up, and be happy! 🙂

    1. I think what you are saying is right TGND…it’s too early to arrive at conclusions..and the brighter side is she is doing good and I should be happy…and happy I’ll be 🙂

      thanks for your two paises 😉 but it is certainly useful 😀

  10. Also, it is not necessary that mothers who spend the entire day at home give the best life to their children. You can work and do that too – of course, adjustments are required to achieve that end.

  11. this is absolutely natural.. now cheer up lady.. I felt exactly the same when I joined my work after leave when Adi was 6 months old.. No matter how much time you spend or how the kid treat you they will always always always have a special place for mom which cannot be replaced by ANYONE in this world. period. I have experienced this with Adi. I am the bad mommy to her as I regulate her but within next 5 mins she will give me a huge bear hug and says “you are the bestest mommy in this world”.. Moms can never be replaced.. trust my words and now have a good sleep… Happy second inninings Scribby..
    Sorry to wish you late as I am keeping myself away from all social networks for a while to enjoy the moments with amma which I will miss in another 2 months and will never get back 😦

    1. Oh I’m glad you said that it’s natural..I guess I just wanted a reassurance from other mothers…just to feel that I’m normal 🙂

      Enjoy to bits Ani..we are hanging around here only..you can always come back to us laters…right now just absorb all the love Amma has to pour on you 🙂

  12. Well as much as we think we will not be bothered by it, we do want dear ones to miss us and in this case tho, she is that piece of u who was in u and then more with u than anybody else for a long long time. So just chill and enjoy the best of both worlds 🙂

    And huggies to my kuchi-muchi darling who is so understanding! Muaah 😀

  13. Read my comment reply on your comment on my post. Somehow it seems very apt here. And yes, one thing. We might be very emotional and expressive but that doesn’t mean our kids would be the same! Hai na?
    When I was attending classes for CS I was very nervous to leave A Jr with my mother. He’d never been alone before that. But the boy very pleasantly surprised me by being very cool about it. Although yes, I must confess he wouldn’t leave my side even for a moment after that.
    Its ok. She’s ok on her own means that you can concentrate on your work without any guilt. Cheer up! 🙂

  14. My son used to cry everytime I left and it made me feel terrible all the while I was in office. So, now when my daughter happily waves bye, I love it 🙂 And none of my kids miss me. They just continue playing when I am back and I have to drag them back and coax them to spend time with me 😀 Yeah, Scribby … tables turn too soon 🙂 It’s the parents who become “chipkoo” soon and kids keep trying to keep them away all their life 😉

  15. I totally get what you say. I totally do. Yes, inspite of all the gyan you gave me. Eeven today, though right now Zo is an a uper clingy phase. But the thing is, this is how it always is. We want the baby to independent so that we have the ‘me’ time, but it is so normal to feel insecure the moment she seems to be all happy and gleeful without us around. But like I said, it is just normal. Personal experience!
    What I have come to realise is kids love having a lot of people to play with, have fun with, and if one goes missing, it doesn’t impact as much, yep, even the mom. However, the moment they are hurt, or sad, or sleepy, or hungry, it is only you they look for,. Always 🙂 And that clears away all insecurities!

    1. that’s the whole point I guess I missed when I was thinking on these lines..no matter what..whenever it is a serious matter,according to the kiddies, they need their mums to tend to them…and I guess this pretty much says it all….a mother is a mother is a mother!

      muwah!

  16. Been there, done that…as many have mentioned, she may not have realized the full impact yet, once she realizes that this is not a temporary thing, she will start missing you, don’t worry.
    As for the attachment part, if you are half a decent mother (I know you are at least one and half times a mother, so no cause to worry 😉 ), however close she is to others, you will still be the one she is closest to.
    So rest assured, dear Scribby, and enjoy your work! And having your MIL at home to take care of her is a big blessing, I tell you. She will get cared for with absolute love, what more can you ask for?

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