Last year when I was pregnant with you, me and your baba dived into a sea of information on pregnancy, parenting and all such hi-fi stuff that is available everywhere.We read, read and read it all. We discussed with fellow parents, friends and family. And felt that we were quiet equipped to bring you in this world. Let me tell you here Chirpy, that no amount of knowledge in not enough to make the new expecting parents adept to handle what’s in stored.Surprisingly,It’s always going to be a surprise!
This is like an exercise that you’ve to do to know how many muscles and strength does it take to bend you body like that. So, the naive parents-to-be that we were at that time, we thought we knew quiet a lot about you and what all is happening inside mamma’s tummy.
By god’s grace, all 8 months went safe and sound. But,on the very onset of the 9th month things started to look a little unusual. Your heart beat showed fluctuations and it seemed that mamma’s system was beginning to slow down the process of pumping blood to your system that also becomes your source of oxygen. We were terrified by the sonologist’s report but the doctor still kept her calm. She informed us that as long as your heart beat is not dipping as low as *some number* we can wait and watch-just that I had to undergo a daily Cardiotocography test to ensure your heart beat is okay and keep a track of my uterine contractions.
So the exercise from home to hospital to home started on daily basis and needless to mention we were tensed. After all we wanted you to be fine. While all this was going on,after a weeks time I started bleeding and showed sign of dilation. The doctor asked me to get admitted so that she can monitor me 24&7 and that’s how things got into action. We picked up the packed bag, files, documents, prayed to god and started our journey to the hospital. I’ve to tell you baby, I was very scared at that moment and the feelings were mixed with the curiousness of seeing you in maybe just few hours form then. Your baba, dadi, nani went with me to the hospital,all prepared and praying!
On completing the formalities,your baba was constantly by my side and we were waiting for the next action-read your arrival or signs of it. I was expected to go in labor and in labor I went. Let me tell you honestly,Chirpy,it was hard, it was tough and it was long. I was tired. We waited for the entire day and the entire night for you to descend and me to dilate enough to make space for you. Ironically, I was so tired by that time that around 4 am,the next morning,I slept and that was kind of a fallout of our team work. I was woken up by a sudden rush of rapid stream between my legs and I realized my water broke. This was at 6 am. Theoretically, it’s still okay to wait cause the uterus keeps remaking enough water for the fetus to survive. And the same was told to us by our doctor. We decided to wait for some more time. The internal check-up though showed a different and not so positive picture. Your head was big and my cervix could possibly not make that much space for you to come out. You might get stuck up at any point during the vaginal delivery. Also, the dilation was just about 6 centimeters where in it requires 10 centimeters for a female to dilate to deliver.
By 9 am I was crazily shouting my lungs out and was totally frustrated. I was just in no position to know what’s happening around and what would happen next. All I remember is, I was in terrible pain. I don’t know if terrible suffices that state! Practically it was 24 hours that I was in labor and there was nothing concrete happening. We all finally decided to opt for C-section though our doctor said we still have couple of hours to see if I can delivery vaginally. But your baba and me were firm and had made up our minds. We wanted a C-sec delivery.
The decision was made, papers signed and I was taken into the OT. After going inside it was just about 15 mins that you came into this world, all safe and sound and crying, of course 🙂 I never felt this happy and crazy 😉 I remember, when the nurse brought you to my left side to show me your tiny little crying face, I questioned in surprise “is this my baby?” to which the nurse shouted at me saying “of course who else silly” !!!!
So today, while writing this,I can say all went well. You were fine and delivered in one piece and I’m fine too. No issues in my body or my spine or my memory or my motherly feelings,thankfully! *pun intended*
A lot of people who called to congratulate us and also the ones who visited ,eventually asked us this one question in different ways “What C-section? You could not deliver normally? Ohhhh!” followed by a subtle tsk tsk!
Of course I felt outraged. Your dadi and nani gave such people explanations as to why we had to choose C-section over “normal” delivery, maybe because even they felt a little unhappy? But me and your baba told them that they need not explain anything to anyone. People call and visit us to congratulate and bless the baby,so their business ends there!
The reason why I’m writing all this to you today,Chirpy,is because I came across AT’s post about choosing to deliver via C-sec,second time and then my own experience re-winded in my memory.
I never wanted to or felt like giving any kind of explanation to anyone, but I wrote this letter to you for I thought what if tomorrow you have certain questions on why I chose to birth you via c-section? So my darling, just so you know, I’m the mother within and nothing can change that because you were not delivered vaginally.
I feel no less a mother having delivered you via operation. I went through a lot of pain before the operation, I underwent the knife in order to bring you to this world and a little discomfort post delivery. No, I’m not trying to list down how brave or giving I’m. I’m telling you that even delivering via operation is not easy for the mothers. It hurts and it takes toll on lot of mothers. Not every operation is complication free and not every mother lives a side-effects free life post delivery. So a mother who delivers goes through a lot-be it c-sec or vaginal and hence it is called a re-birth of the woman!
I want you to understand Chirpy, that being pregnant, carrying the baby inside for 9 months and delivering is no mean feet. It’s a tough task and a responsibility a woman bears to bring her bundle/s of joy in this world. No mother would ever want her child to go through any kind of trauma while birthing but would want her child to come safe and healthy to this world.We must respect that.
P.S. The term ‘normal’ is not a right word at all cause there is nothing abnormal about c-sec delivery. So it’s either vaginal or Cesarean section delivery!
I’m sure you understand now,don’t you?
Hugs and loads of love to you my baby,