I know I’m a nut

cause what else should I be called then?

All the while sometime back I was looking forward to getting back to work and get busy in life, to do something out of the education that I’ve got, to add value to the degrees which are lying safe in the jacket file, to be independent busy working lady….

and today when all of it is coming to be true, I dislike this state of mine?Β Yeh pagalpan nahi hai toh kya hai?Β [yeh pretty much like MPK’s dialogue ‘yeh pyar nahi to kya hai Suman’?]

I want to be home, to be free, to see my child grow, to be at her side all the time, to read and basically to laze around,huh! How typically foolish is that?

I want to see the other side, I want to be reminded how desperate I became to retain my sanity by working, I want be reminded how foolish it is to think that my child needs me ALL the time by her side, I want to stop denying the fact that she is pretty much on her own now, in almost everything that she does and she doesn’t care much if I’m sticking to her every minute, I have to re-accept that she prefers her own space and is happy with the current arrangement, that she looks forward to the evenings when I come home to her but surely is not sad that I’m not around her in the day!

I need to tighten my thoughts…now tell me if I’m not a nut!

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43 thoughts on “I know I’m a nut

  1. You’re not a nut. You’re a mother πŸ™‚ Sometimes I get these thoughts too, even thought I am not yet a mother. But when I start thinking of the time when I have a kid, I’d like to think that he/she needs me and will be happy to have me around. It comes with the mothering instinct and also with conditioning. But most of it is not in our control. Is it? πŸ™‚ Lets see how I fare, later.

  2. Na it’s the hormones…I guess once we get pregnant the crazy hormones never go back to it’s normal level and hence the mood swings πŸ™„ Now go pop some sinful stuff into your mouth and that will take care of it for a while πŸ˜‰

  3. oh yes.. this tussle!!! i think it would always exist.. children that age accept anything. If you are going to be home they are ok and if you go to work also they are ok! I think it ultimately boils down to us, whether we want to make that choice. Or if we can find alternate ways to be engaged and still be home like an own venture or something…

    But yes this is mighty hard…

  4. I think you’re having the typical guilt plus scared-of-change symptoms. GIve it some time and then, if you truly feel unhappy, feel free to go back! There should be no shame in doing that!!

    1. yeah have decided to give myself at least 6 months to decide on something…2 and half months already gone, feeling okay…let’s see how does it feel at the end of 6 months πŸ™‚

  5. grass is always greener the other side.. this is happening to me dear.. i cant accept the fact that, bunty is not bothered if i am there or not.. but want me to be with her on weekends.. πŸ™‚

  6. Not at all a nut, Scribby. I am sure there are many many people who go through the same thing. You are not alone. Wish you the best in figuring out what you really want πŸ™‚ Hugs.

  7. No you are not. I was jobless for about an year because of visa issues. I spent most of my time in library reading and dreaming about work life. And when I got to working, I wanted to go back to the library and do more reading. So I guess its the new job that’s making you think so. And Chirpy is going to be fine. πŸ™‚

  8. You are not a nut. You are just a regular mom. Sigh. I don’t think I need to say anything else, otherwise it will be a mini post here. So, chill. Trust me, the way things are, they’re good. You have all aspects working out for you, enjoy it. Plus, think of the time C is going to be in school most part of day anyway.

    1. yeah logically thinking I also come to this argument that sooner or later now she’ll be in school, so why fret! She’ll have her own life, her own time away from me and so will I πŸ™‚

      You know DI, it’s always so good to exchange with views with you…we are pretty much together in motherhood’s walk of life πŸ™‚ Hugs!

  9. It generally happens, Scribby.. and it happens because human mind is always looking at the “other” thing, because what it owns now, it owns na.. so it doesn’t matter.. lekin jo haath mein nahin hai, usko toh dekhna hai, aur usi ki chaah rakhni hai..
    πŸ™‚
    Grass is greener??

    It will pass, dont worry.

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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