Growing up is so not cool all the time!

What am I thinking today? Lot of things but everything surrounds only one decision that I’ve to make now-my job!

Nothing wrong has happened, I’m happy, the work is good and last week only I’ve got promoted to Manager HR-India operations! Sounds pretty fancy, right? It is in a way a glamorous role and perks along with it are not be mentioned but there is other frills too which would come along in hiding!

Time & Energy expected from my role and position-that is what is bothering me the most since I’ve heard the big news of my second career innings! I mean for the outsider it is a gold jack pot that I land up in an awesome job with exactly the kind of profile that I was looking for and in 6 months I get promoted to a higher level. But to me, it is not all that honky dory. There are issues, like all work places have, and there are expectations that supersede my personal goals.

I never wanted a job which would take more than half of my life everyday to leave me without spending much time with my daughter. Practically now a days I’m only spending 2 hours / day with Chirpy which is 10 hours a week and 200 hours a month only! Of course there are weekends-two whole days- but then do I want to be a weekend mother? Of course not!

And it is not only spending time that is my problem. It is about the connection that is being made with every one around other than me! Chirpy certainly connects with me and loves me, comes running to me when I’m back from office (rare days when I come home early and not at 9 pm when she is already asleep) but she is more connected to her grandmother and father. No complaints there, it ought to be, that’s what I chose. But of late I’ve noticed for every little thing she needs her father/grandmother and if I offer to help she refuses bluntly.

I’m feeling emotionally dejected-all because of me cause no one else is responsible for this. I’ve been spending 10 hours a day at office which is again important and required right now. But juggling between such demanding job and home and personal life is getting hectic.

Maybe I’m not the right person to juggle? I’m a workaholic I know that but now that I’m a mother I somehow don’t like working long hours but when at office, I love working! Funny, ain’t it?

So this is all that is bothering me. I keep thinking of the time 6 months back when I had two options in hand-this job and the other one at the college where the time was fixed and maybe a little less demanding! Should I’ve picked up the other role? Did I do any mistake by taking up full time corporate role?

I’m thinking continuously since a week now and I think I’ve decided to talk to Mr. President who now is my new boss; about the balance I want to strike between personal and professional commitments, about the time that is being spent by me in the office, about maybe increasing the team size and having the work distributed laterally to avoid loads on any of the team members cause any given day it is not fair to expect perfection and completion of jobs from 3 HR personnel for 400+ employees! Theory says that it should be 1 HR personnel per 100 employees; about how I don’t want to climb that corporate ladder so fast or may be don’t want to climb at all; about how I don’t feel ready to take up more responsibility when I feel more responsible for the child that I produced for myself a 2 years ago !

I don’t what would be his reaction. I don’t know what would be his decision further. I have no clue what would organization do on this because my promotion has been officially announced already…I don’t know what’s going to be but I’ve decided that I’ll talk and keep my thoughts upfront rather let them simmer in my mind and hinder my performance-which is a bad idea!

I’ve spoken to Husby and he is of the view that I must continue with the new role cause I deserve it. That I’ll be able to manage once the team is augmented. That Chirpy is close to her mother equally the way she is close to her grandmother and father. That it is okay to leave the baby behind for work because babies toddlers anyway don’t want people around all the time! But at the end the decision should be purely mine, something which I’m comfortable choosing and dwelling in to!

I’m confused-I’m not confused between the choices.I’m confused between my own decision that keeps fluctuating !

I don’t know what to do; or maybe I know- I want to be a baby again where I don’t have to think or choose!


33 thoughts on “Growing up is so not cool all the time!

  1. Can relate to your predicament N! The fact that you have got a career of your choice after a break and which is going great guns is so awesome. Many would love to be in your shoes. When you have a great support system at home for the baby, I guess, it is ok. If you ask me, carry on with your work and baby would be just fine. 🙂

  2. Well tough choices to make .. but in the long run I do think it will get better, the little one will grow up and will understand too..

    what i would say is think about it 🙂 take as long to decide .. All the best

  3. the last line were words from Adi’s mount few weeks ago.. all of a sudden she said “Amma I wish to be like this. I don’t want to grow up because grownups have to make decisions”.. Sigghhh

    whatever you decide.. best wishes to you Nu and hey congratulations on the promotion.. not everyone gets promoted in 6 months re..
    take care and hugs…

  4. OH..its a knotty problem indeed SCribby. You are right – better to be a baby again!! But you seem to have thought it through and you will be able to present some good options to your boss. I always feel in a negotiation discussion like this one we must go in prepared with diff options and scenarios.
    I guess there is no easy solution to your dilemma but I wish you all the very best in resolving it.

  5. I think your husband is right, but you are right too that it is ultimately your decision, so if you feel that you should talk to your boss, by all means, go ahead. But, if he does not have very much to offer, don’t be disheartened; just wait for when the team gets used to its new roles and you can distribute responsibility better. Toddlers truly don’t want to be dependent on any one and it is better to spend quality time with her rather than just be at home, but not have much interaction with her!
    Best of luck!

    1. Yeah after giving it a lot of thought I think I should give it a try for at least next 6 months and see where do I stand in terms of time and energy 🙂 thanks Roshni 🙂

  6. First many congratulations for the new and bigger role. The dilemna is part of being a mother Scribby. If you stay home all the time, you feel guilty of putting your career at the backburner and if you go to office, you feel guilty of leaving your child behind… You have to take a decision and stick to it. And I am sure chirpy is not getting detached from you.. its just that grandma and father is more available to her…. and it is not a reason for you to stop progressing in your career.

    1. thank you Jessie 🙂 yes you are right, the dilemma is called motherhood 🙂 I would love to believe that Chirpy is not getting detached from me..thanks for being there!

  7. Congrats on the new role, what I have learned from my corportae career is it demands more and more time than 40hrs we agree upon. I go through similar thoughts and for now I have decided to keep my work in front of my daughter and I am happy with my choice. But few years down the line I might be a different person.

  8. Congratulations on the promotion Scribby 🙂
    I can totally understand your pain & confusion for am at the other side of the fence with a baby almost the same age as Chirpy.
    May everything fall in place to help you find a perfect balance between your professional & personal life, soon.
    Hugs dear

  9. I am sailing in a very similar boat. I really cannot write about it now but definitely will once things settle down and I make my decision.
    One thing I am very sure of is that I will never put my career above my family. At the end of the day I cannot turn myself into a martyr telling my children that I did all this for them when all they needed was me. I have to spend time with my family to feel grounded, to feel more human. My career has to revolve around this fact and not the other way round.
    And I do not want to influence you but that is what I believe in. One day, I will be able to discuss this in more details.

    1. I’m sure you’ll make a sound decision cause you know your priorities right 🙂 Hope to read about it soon, or you’ve already posted about it? Sheesh, have not been blog hopping so no idea 😦

      But thanks for your thought cause it helped me to clearly see my goals 🙂 Blog friends, bestest!

  10. Hey.. this confusion..will always be thr…& Things seems to be more fearful when we think of it.. Don’t think much..Let yourself get into this tough situation, you will be able to take care of everything with such a strong support system at home..Stepping back to solve a problem is not the solution..:) Just one thing: Don’t spend more than 9 hours in office, I know it’s difficult. But, just practise for 1 week. you will feel better.

  11. Oh Dear! The never ending dilemma. Hmmm… so let’s see. I would like to think that you can manage this too. Just put a hard stop for office end time. 6 pm? If there’s a forcing function it works better. Like picking up Chirpy from somewhere at that time (and only you and no one else will do it!). Once you do it, you time manage better and still get the work done. You many not be promoted in 6 mo though! (Congrats!) But heck, you don’t care about that as much, do you? 🙂

    1. You know what MoRS? Just after reading your suggestion I’ve actually started applying this to my routine…though right now there is no place that I’ve to pick Chirpy from 🙂 but I’ve promised myself that I will be there with her at her dinner time 🙂 Since few days it is working, thanks 🙂

  12. Hmmmmmm….Congratulations for the quick promotion 🙂

    As your hubby says it is you who has to decide and trust me what you are going through is a dilemma which every working Mother faces. Even I go thru the same dilemma’s and there are days when I feel that I need to change job for a better salary but then I don’t move because enviornment here is chilled. I come on time leave on time…no pressures and I like it that wats!

    So ultimately uh ave to decide what you want from life or rather how much growth you want in the present job. You need to priorities what u want.

    But know one thing, for Chirpy you are her Mother and nothing can change that!

  13. I have been there….I know what you are talking about…I recently turned down something that had good future only becaue I worried about the workload and pressure. I didnt need this with twins. 🙂

    But, you are already there. Every job we had, no matter with or without kids, was touch in initial stages. Just hangin there and soon you will be smiling.


  14. Congrats babe! 🙂 I for one know how badly you wanted to get back to work and such achievements are amazing!
    About C, I totally understan what you feel, and like someone already said, ensure that there are some mother-daughter things you establish, as little as they may be, which are specific to you too 🙂 It will really make things better!
    Also, As it is already above, you’re her mommy Nu, and that will remain the biggest bond whatsoever!

    1. Yes DI, I sure wanted to get back to work and I’m kind of luckily liking it all but for time…but I guess I’m falling in routine and should be able to stick to a good timeline 🙂

      thanks sweetie 🙂

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