Is it a generation thing?

Recently when I was interviewing candidates in order to augment the team, I came across 2 candidates, in their early 30s,who were divorced.

This was just a couple weeks back and y’day I got a call from my friend stating that her sister, all in her late twenties, got divorced in 2 years of her love marriage.

2 months back we had a person joining in the organization who also had the same story to narrate.

Was generally discussing this with the big boss, on a lighter note, and pat came the reply that this is generation problem!  I knew he was kidding at that moment but I could not resist and probed him. He still maintained the same thing and then I said excuse me I too belong to the same generatio, so what do you want to say? To which he replied saying all these girls that you’ve mentioned are at least a year or two younger to you and these days even a couple of years gap becomes a generation gap!

It made me think, on two notes:

  1. Why are divorce rates going high?
  2. 2-3 years age gap and we call it another generation altogether, really?

What’s your point of view? Is it a generation gap? Is it more earning power and independence that we are gathering these days? Is it low value of relationship and longivity? Is it because of easy access to such solutions that we make haste in arriving at these? Is it something called young blood and Gen X type things?

Adding to above numbers I’ve also couple of more friends to add to the list divorcees. I also had done a post 2 years back on the same…(somehow I’m unable to tag the link here so posting it as it is) https://stockpilinglife.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/exactly-when/

When I wrote the above post  maybe I had a very little thought process around it or the thoughts were half baked ! That said, even today I realize that of course very dire situations call for necessary separation, understood! But in general I’ve also come across some cases where in even a lower level of arguments or time spending together have become issues and led to separations.

Have we become less tolerant to listening to NO or bending down for the partner? Does it really have to do with the individual earning capabilities?

I’m sure in any case, it is really tough to go through a separation. And no one goes ahead and enjoys the status but can the couple, in toto, prevent arriving at this hard juncture of life?

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22 thoughts on “Is it a generation thing?

  1. I wonder about this too. Is divorce taken too easily these days? Are marriages taken too lightly? Though we do not know the reasons behind these cases you have mentioned, do we think that independence of women is related to this? Is it a side effect? ‘I have the right to walk out’ so there!??

    I have 7 persons( 6 women and 1 man) in our HR department alone who are divorcees!! None more than 30, I am sure. Really what is it?

  2. There could be several reasons for separation… incompatibility, ego issues and many more. But you cannot exactly term it a generation issue..the people of today’s generation are more independent…they (men and women alike) wouldn’t put up with a relationship that isn’t working…the generation previous to ours had to stay in a relationship due to the pressure of the society, financial dependence , for the sake of the children etc even if they weren’t happy in it.

    Having said all that we can also not deny the fact we are becoming less patient and tolerant!

    1. I agree that there could be several reasons, for sure, but that’s where my other question pops up “when does one know that enough is enough?” this is in a way very vague question though… cause sometimes even years are not enough to decide the threshold and sometimes even 6 months do the good!

  3. Oh yes, the divorces are so commonly seen now-a-days. There could be a lot of reasons… Earlier women were dependent on husbands, but now that they are working and independent, it is easier to leave an unhappy marriage. Also, earlier there was so much of taboo surrounding divorce, but now our society is accepting divorces easily and it has become a normal part of life.
    The patience, the desire to work out the differences, to work on the relationship could be missing too!

  4. could be the confidence that a women feels that she can lead a life by herself.. if she can they why to take the shit?
    exposures and social changes could be another reason
    not just related to divorce but its a fact to be admitted that the tolerance level is drastically coming down in current and future generations.. we don’t like to give time for any issue to be resolved and need the solution then and there which doesn’t work with relationships.. there is always an urge to move on quickly.. patience is becoming a distant word…

    1. I don’t know if this is a women thing only, I mean both the partners are loosing patience maybe? Or the lifestyle and the ambitions are taking over emotional powers?

  5. I’d like to look at the positive in that women now don’t really need men to live a life and perhaps that’s why it is possible to get a divorce. Most women in India are now financially more secure and hence if the guy is going to be traditional and not help out, well they do have the option of leaving. Independence is a great thing. 🙂

    1. Rightly put! But is the financial independence playing on the mind of the partners and pushing them make haste in making decisions? Just a thought! No, I’m not blaming any one in the marriage, just thinking if , say in the cases that I’ve come across, the partners gave enough time to the relationship?

  6. I personally feel whatever the reason that it is a good thing that it is not such a social stigma! At least people who are really unhappy together are not forced to stay together!
    I also think your boss is being a bit flippant by just dismissing it as as a generational issue!

    1. Yes for the people who are really worn out and tried a lot to settle down, at least take a sigh of relief that they can step out of a broken relationship without attracting glares of society!

  7. Personally, I think its a good thing people are divorcing.. why? because, it means women/men are not putting up with BS in their lives… people are trying to stop compromising on love… Its a good thing that if you are so unhappy, there is an out. no one deserves to be unhappy in a marriage…

  8. I think it’s a generation thing. You see our generation of women were brought up saying “You are equal to men.” But the boys were not being told that. They were still being told that they were superior. So, now there is a expectation mismatch. The wife will not accept the 2nd fiddle treatment and the husband will not be able to treat her as an equal.

    In my mind, this is good for society. Any healthy progressive society has a divorce rate of 50%. Slowly, the taboo attached to that will go away and we will open up to a better culture.

  9. It is a generation thing, and let the previous generations think long and hard about it! I think it’s great that people decide not to put up with BS, and feel independent enough to take the option out. I’m not sure, though, about whether the reasons for divorce are trivial or serious. Maybe it differs from couple to couple, and we are always the outsiders looking in. What may seem trivial to us, might be a big deal for that couple, and sometimes the real deeper reason for the divorce might not be made known to outsiders?

    I think that when our society takes marriage so lightly, that is something we don’t criticise. That men and women are ‘married off’ without getting to know each other and each others’ families or each others’ goals and dreams for life…is crazy.

    As for generation gap, yes it’s getting lesser, coz the world is changing so much every year! Before I could feel a gap in 10 years between generations, now it’s 5!

    1. I hear you Starry, I hear you and I precisely was wondering on the same point-some divorces would have taken place genuinely and others might not, also who knows exactly what happened! That’s worry point at the end, to each his own, I know but at the end relationships are breaking 😦 Feels bad especially when in cases I’ve known that there was no DV or mental trauma involved, the reason for the BIG step has also been ‘not spending much time with each other too’

  10. It’s a tiny bit of everything, I suppose. I feel that nowadays people don’t really have the patience to put up with anyone. Everyone wants to live in their own way. Marriage is more about accommodating both the person’s needs and opinions. It really ought to be worked for. Nothing is simple and the effort truly has to be from both sides.

    My close friend is going through a really tough time. She is trying her best to save her marriage, but is getting no response from her husband. I see the situation is extremely bad, I pray for some miracle. Hope things work out!

C'mon,out with it,right here :)

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