I Stand Guilty !

Today is a bad day for me! Well, in actual sense for Chirpy! I did something today which I had never thought of doing it anytime soon or maybe never. I slapped her!

And no I’m not going to tell myself that it is okay.That it is okay to get irritated, to get angry and to get mad at a 2 year old! It is okay to slap that 2 year old because I could not control my anger! Because I could not hold my hand just when I should have!

No!

I’m feeling terrible, sine that moment on! I’m feeling awful, guilty and like a bad human being! It is not about being a bad mother, it is about a temperamental 32 years old grown up who hit a child in anger and irritation !

I have no rights in doing that. I have no rights hitting any human being for a petty reason. I have no such rights, really!

And no I’m not going to be melodramatic here and hit my own hand or hurt myself drowning in guilt. Instead I’m writing it all here so that I can remember, the next time my hand goes up I should be aware that what I did earlier was not something I liked about myself.

In an instant I picked her up and caressed her cheek. It was deep red then. I felt a tweak in my heart, I said sorry to her and kissed her. I told her how mamma is sorry for this behavior and why she did what she did. I also told her that mamma will remember not to repeat it again.

On the other hand Chirpy cried for a moment, hugged me tight, stuck to me for the rest of the while and slept in my lap later. She smiled at me before entering the dream world and I thought that was really really needed, for if she would not have smiled, I would not have felt forgiven!

Children really are so pure, so away from egos and hurts and revenges! They don’t understand all such things and that’s why maybe they are called form of God?

Anyway, I’m terribly sorry for what I did today. Husband doesn’t know about it yet, I’m sure he’ll not like it. He doesn’t like hitting children in general, well nobody does, but he is the kinds who can get extremely angry yet not raise the hand!!! But I shall confess this to him, not for getting rid of the guilt but registering the fact with him that I went wrong!

 

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28 thoughts on “I Stand Guilty !

  1. it happened to me.. i cried a lot that day, cried to my mom.. hubby was really angry that i raised my hands on Bunty.. that because i wanted my In-laws to stop scolding me.. when bunty didnt come to me for few mintues and went to her grandparents, that instance it hurt me more.. but when she came back smiling after sometime, i felt more guilty.. after that day, till now i have not raised my hands against her..

    1. I can understand the situation, life becomes tough sometimes, but we need to be tougher and take control on ourselves and anger…I’m sure we mothers know it well now and shall not do it again, yes? Hugs!

  2. I m feeling so bad about it…. Not just reading this but knowing it is very likely of you and afraid of the fact that in future I will be having such guilty pangs very often, even now when i scold the sister i feel bad, or talk to husband in raised voice or take out my frustration on him, i feel so guilty and more so because the husband is epitome of patience.

    And losing your control on a child, it must be a bad feeling. Very bad, but the good news is you know you are mistaken n won’t repeat it for sure. And like other fellow mommies shared sabse hota hai. Chirpy has already forgotten about it and would never remember, you ought to forget too.

    1. Yes Chirpy has already left the incident behind and I’m glad children don’t take things to their heart… I’ve learnt my lesson and I’ll keep that in mind πŸ™‚

  3. 😦 Had a bad start to the day myself. Daughter’s nanny did a no show and was hard pressed for time to send her to school. Didn’t have the patience for her last min request to carry a doll to school and hence dragged her crying. Only to feel terrible till I picked her back. Why are we so stressed out? Why don’t we have the “time”?

  4. Hugs Scribby…I did spank Zini and i too had similar thoughts about it and decided to record that on the blog as a reminder to myself…
    Lots of love to Chirpy…These girls know when their moms need to see that smile πŸ™‚

  5. Been there and went through similar guilt feeling, it’s definitely not an excuse, but I am sure you learned your mistake and have taken action. You will be amazed to know there are many ways to make them understand and hitting will never a solution for any of the problems, rather it makes both baby and mom unhappy..hugs to you..

  6. 😦

    I know wt u r saying!! Sometimes when I am at the end of my pateince stock and Brat is just not relenting I shout hard and he gives a whimper and starts crying I start feeling guilty. I & Hubby too are totally against hitting the child but then there are days when the kid just doesn’t listen. Like that day when he was doing something that was very harmful for him and not amount of cajoiling was working on him. My hubby just snapped and hit his hand to make him learn the lesson. Not that he didn’t feel guilty but then sometimes it happens!

    Hugs!

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