Ha, don’t go by the post title, you are not going to find anything juicy or spicy in this post to savor !
Oh before I forget, I just finished reading the third book of Clifton Series by Jeffrey Archer! God only knows how slow I’ve got in reading a tiny book (300 odd pages!) Anyway, since I finished the book after 3 months now (!) it needed a mention (and a pat on my back) 😉
So coming back to the high voltage planning thing. The point here is my ideal kind of mother is who picks her kids from school, drops them to their extra curricular sessions, reads in between while waiting for them to finish their sessions and finds some time in all this chaos for catching up with her girl friends and then is all available for her own self/husband to do whatever she wishes and loves to do 🙂
So for me, this is the mother I’ve always wanted to become in my life unlike now, where I’m least seen in my kids’ life in the week..oh wait I’ve a word for my kind of mother-I’m a Weekender Mom! Yeah, right, I’m that. Not that I don’t love my kids and blah blah.. I just love being myself and I cherish working in corporate world, that’s the whole point!
So while I’m (still) in this dilemma of whether to quit this full-time -attention-demanding job or not, I think I’m balancing it quiet well at both ends, or so I think!
But really, when I think deep, I really want to quit this full time job, do only a little amount of work (to utilize my education and maintain my sanity) and give rest of the time to myself and kids and family and everything else! So you ask where’s the problem, when I know what I want so why don’t I just grab it? That’s the whole problem I say.. I know what I want, I know how to reach there and get it BUT (yeah, these buts are always ther,duh!) I also know, how a person like me will react once I’ve got what I’d wanted!
I will feel empty when both my kids will leave for school and for their activities, when my husband will leave for his full time job, so its then that I’ll look at myself and say look what you’ve done to yourself, you’ve nothing to do and no where to go, tsk tsk! This you see? I fear this, I fear being in that place, I fear losing my position in my own eyes, I fear not having a schedule at hand, I fear emptiness!
This fear is holding me back, I’m unable to take that plunge. I don’t know if I would fair well if I break the boundaries. I don’t know if I’ll be sane if I start doing nothing! I know for the fact that being a homemaker is a big job at hand which is not everyone’s cup of tea, just on the outside it looks like sitting at home and doing nothing but in reality it takes a lot to run around people and manage the home!
I’ve always felt that being at office is much easier as compared to being at home, at office I’ve things and people at my beck and call and I mostly don’t have to lift my finger to get things done (apart from typing constantly on computer and placating cribbing employees!) Whereas, being at home is like doing the mental math and Science drawings at the same time, you know what I mean ?
And its evident from past 12+ years that I love working in office, I love having a schedule and a very busy at that, I love being around people all the time with new tasks and problems at hand, I love all this! So, when you love something so much, where do you begin to leave that behind ? Because in my case, I’m in love with what I do yet I yearn to be at other side which looks pretty attractive too!
Is this being greedy and indecisive and all such things in life? But anyway, today when I was getting ready for work, I thought of lot of my friends who have given up their full time sassy jobs for one or the other reasons and are now full time/part time mums and doing something they love and found their peace in it. So, that’s not really difficult, right? You certainly make some sacrifices, but that you make in corporate world too when you own a full time job, no?
So nothing is 100% perfect and beautiful, I’ll have to take that step and be brave to move ahead on the path I really want to walk on. I will need to be courageous, compromising with certain things in life and making peace with what I chose by not looking back and cribbing!
I need to plan step by step to do this and I’m starting today… this post here shall help me, if at all I stumble and get confused, I want to write down what I intend to do and how I intend to take things ahead… but this time I really want to move ahead in life this way..