Wants Vs Needs-Kids Section

Taking ahead from my last post as well as Deeps’s thought provoking post…..

Like most of them have said on Deeps’s post already, the external factors matter a lot these days. In our age and times , mostly all children were on the same page, families on the same levels and almost no options to celebrate childhood other than basic toys and pretty dresses!

But we have to put our age and times behind cause they are a thing of past,sadly! However, since most of us have the same kind of upbringing we all agree on the learning to save, value money and not being extravagant about everything that is available on the shelf, hence we want to inculcate the same in our children.

Even I tend to think how will I say ‘no’ to Chirpy when I’ll have to say it. Is denying something to your child fair to the child? Did she ask us to bring her into the world? It was us who brought her..it is us who want her to grow independent and taker her own decisions….and now when she wants to live her life like she wants, we are circling it with our set of rules and values….these thoughts…come to my mind often when I see the certain price tags, certain ways of life these days…these hypothetical situations of today are not very far for me to become reality!

Sharing a conversation I had with a friend sometime back: She has a 5 year old son.Discussing on the same lines of money part, she exemplified her style of tackling money matters with her little boy.Her son too wanted a huge “extravagant” b’day party like his classmates’ parents threw in a hotel. Now here my friend didn’t want to bring in money part per say but still wanted to say no to his ‘want’. She sat him down and explained thus: “We sure want your b’day to be grand and gala.Just for a moment consider that we are arranging your b’day party at home, where all your friends can feel at home,be themselves, party hard, can be carefree, and stay as long as they want & have fun playing with your toys,eat popcorn while watching a cartoon film and play some games like scrabble or musical chairs etc…we can also think about having a day long b’day party on a Sunday if you like it….don’t you think it will be far more funnier than arranging a party in the hotel,putting in more than required money in exchange of wrapping the party in stipulated time and where you and your friends will have to be too good ūüėČ ?”

Her son liked the idea and agreed. In fact ‘at home’ b’day party was super fun too!

I liked the way she handled the situation without bringing in the money part really yet subtly telling him the difference. But this was just one kind of situation. How far such tricks would last is a question in itself. How far we parents might be able to pull on is another question.

That said, it’s not always about if we can afford the wants..there are lot of things which we can afford but do we really need to buy them because we have money? It’s about teaching the basic difference about the need and want…I think that’s more important and maybe the money part will automatically fall in line? Again, I’m just assuming things to be that simpler because I’m yet to get there!

Just last week I had to buy a potty pot for Chirpy,now that it’s time to potty train her. So I was amused to see more than 10 options for a simple potty pot! With different shapes, colors, attributes like music, wheels etc to choose from. The simple potty costs Rs. 500 and the other “higher” versions of it cost anywhere between Rs. 1200 to Rs. 2000!!!! Honestly, for a moment I almost bought the Rs. 1500 potty cause it was a duck shape musical potty and it looked cute! But then I revisited my decision…thought whether Chirpy really needs a musical duck shaped potty to shit in? Does she really know these options exist? Do I really have to spend Rs. 1000 more than required to potty train her? Will she be better potty trained if I buy her that cute thing instead of simple looking pot? Of course I spent Rs. 500 only!

This above example says a lot about my thought process too,huh!

I think there are times when we parents too think a little beyond necessary. “What we could not have or did not have our children should” philosophy takes us down and that is the start of the inculcation of “better options” and “all things beautiful in life are must” seeds and we only do it to them…and then when they grow up the other factors are ready to influence them too when we come running and try to guard!

Of course this is a generalization…not all parents melt down, like me, when they see cute things…but I confess I have to be shaken sometimes to realize the difference between what my child needs and what she ‘could’ want!

Do you feel guilty too as parent when you have to say no? How do you tackle such situations?

P.S. This post,a result on reading Deeps’s post,is in the form of a comment on her blog too.

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When simple ‘celebration’ become gala ‘event’

Similar thoughts run through my mind every time I see an extravaganza b’day party thrown for little kids…Rukhmini Punoose has put it all in a post so wonderfully, a must read!

Re-posting the article that appeared in Sunday DNA  on the 7th of October.

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Rukhmini Punoose

I¬†couldn’t¬†believe what I was seeing. I was looking at a laptop presentation of a seven year-old-boy dressed like Akshay Kumar flying through a fake wall of bricks on a stage. So, just to reiterate: fake Akshay Kumar, riding on a fake bike, flying through a fake wall. No, this¬†wasn’t¬†a nightmare, I wish it was. I was looking at a birthday party planner‚Äôs presentation of the kind of birthdays she had organised. This particular seven-year-old‚Äôs party had a Bollywood theme. Wait, it gets worse…the over-zealous parents had hired duplicates of Hrithik, Salman and Shah Rukh and had placed about 70 life-size cut-outs of movie stars all around the venue.

Just a question. Remember when birthdays were about playing musical chairs and passing the parcel? When harried mothers brought out plates teeming with ribbon sandwiches, wafers and samosas and an aeroplane or doll-shaped birthday cake sent a general flutter of excitement over all the kids? What happened to that world? Those parties were as much of a blast because we could feel the palpable excitement in the air as our mothers were busy cooking in the kitchen and our fathers were putting up balloons and streamers in the living room. 
Now, there are birthday parties where Disney characters are flown down from Disneyland in Hong Kong and helicopters are hired to circle the lawn showering rose petals (Yes a la Chandini-style) on the birthday boy as he cuts his cake. Menus are¬†customized¬†and catered by expert chefs who can dish up food from any part of the globe‚ÄĒ enchiladas, fruit mojitos, tofu quiches, gnocchi and even Jain sushi‚ÄĒserved buffet style or as amuse bouches.¬†
The child’s birthday party has become an event, a circus, heck even a tamasha, akin to a wedding function (with similar budgets to boot). Throwing a grandiose birthday celebration, for many upper-middle class Indians is a little about flashing your financial status. The young and upwardly mobile here don’t seem to bat an eyelid about dropping a cool lakh or two on it.
And this is just the sneeze-worthy stuff. Nitin Gupta, a Delhi party planner has even done parties where the budget is Rs 7-8 lakhs. So what do you get when you spend Rs 7 lakhs? The works, apparently‚ÄĒ full-tenting, lights, shamianas, fairyland themes, invitation cards, elaborate decor, return presents, live singing and dance performances.
However, my¬†favorite¬†story is one about this filmmaker couple that need to be lauded for resisting the pressure to throw one of these extravagant parties. Determined to do away with the whole balloons, streamers route and yet do something meaningful and memorable, they planned an eco-friendly party for their daughter‚Äôs seventh birthday. They took her friends on a nature trail to Shantivan in Malabar Hill. They¬†didn’t¬†use any thermocol or¬†Styrofoam¬†plates and glasses, thereby generating no garbage. Children were given pots to paint on, chose saplings they wanted to plant in them and then got to take the pot home as their return present. The parents wanted the children to get a chance to bond with nature and were horrified to find one of the children at the party started crying because she had to touch mud. That‚Äôs how unexposed Mumbai children can be to the natural world.¬†
We’ve¬†really forgotten the pleasure of simpler things. Of a simpler time. Kids will have a great time no matter what, as long as they can run around and play together. It really¬†isn’t¬†about the amount of money you can spend but about what your child sees as the effort¬†you’ve¬†put in to make the party special and original. In a consumerist society, there is a lot of peer pressure to conform to the norm. Kids only know what they are exposed to and don‚Äôt have the tools to fight the stereotype. The onus is on us, the parents, to broaden the child‚Äôs horizons by showing them that fun¬†doesn’t¬†have to be expensive. Above all, it‚Äôs up to us, to teach them they can have a blast even without helicopters showering rose petals on them.

Working Mommy?Oh no!

Yes even though I’m just 4 days old working mom they ask me when there is no need for me to work,monetarily,why I chose to leave my 1.25 year young daughter behind to “slog” ?

Is it all about money only,I ask? What about my freedom of choice? What about my individuality? What about the education that I’ve invested my time and energy in?

Ironically,it’s not only the interviewers that ask a “new” mother astonishingly about her choice to get back to work force but the ‘other’ people in life also poke their noses in the same fashion!

Few questions to these self-professed-intelligent-decision-makers of the society:

  1. Just how long a mother should not get back to workforce?
  2. Who is a “new” mother? Please define in terms of either the age of the child or the number of years of break from work by the woman.
  3. What is a mother supposed to do with her degrees earned?
  4. Does working mean only earning money,nothing beyond?
  5. Who are you to judge if I’m doing right or wrong? *showing middle finger*

I never had to ask for the money from Husby all this while that I was at home. I neither had to give him the hisab-kitab of the pennies spent in eating brownies and buying gifts for friends and shopping for earrings and neck pieces and watching movies! And I know he will never stop providing food,clothing and shelter to me whatsoever!

But does that mean I should not earn? If I really have to state why I went back to the workforce,this is why:

  1. Having my own money gives me a sense of control over life. Tomorrow never calls out and dawns upon anyone. Anything is possible to happen in anyone’s life. Life isn’t a fairy tale ,not even for a single earthling. So why not be prepared for the future? Why not be independent?
  2. Earning means contribution to the home and family. If I too can bring in some amount to the table,what’s wrong in that? It will only better our lives and our future. And wanting a better life is not insane,IMO!
  3. Working not only fetches one money but also brings in a sea change in the person, enhances her skills and keeps her connected to the inner self. Who doesn’t need all this,tell me!!!

I don’t know ya, time and again it comes around to the same points in a mothers’ life-leaving children behind, managing work life balance, sacrificing her own self for the children and family…..and everytime it comes to me, I get mad!!!!!!!!

I think¬†people need to stop judging and poking their dirty noses in personal matters or I need to simply ignore….and right now I don’t see either of the above happening ūüė¶

Safety? What’s that? Where do we get it?

We keep hearing¬†about¬†perverts and eve teasers. In fact it would be justified,ironically, when I say that it’s been such a long time that we’ve been hearing all this since forever.

What really makes a man act like a pervert? Or is every man pervert? How do we identify them? We have so many men in our lives in the form of father,brother,friend/boy friend and husband. These are men, so are these perverts too? Just how does one know?

Of course it has been time and again proven that¬†perverseness¬†or anything related to it is not commanded by¬†illiteracy. It’s all in the head-the brain is the culprit,not the mind. A mind can be very much educated but the brain remains a part of human body,full of nerves and signals,which makes a person do what the brains wants at that moment.

Recently I was at a very posh office,seated in their reception area. I had to wait for someone,which took a little longer than expected. So obviously¬†I started reading what all was¬†available¬†there. When I picked the local English Daily, I saw Avika Gour [the Anandi fame]¬†and I thought of reading her interview…but before I could start reading, I was shocked to see her photo:

Yes,this is what made me freeze at that moment. I wanted to scream and ask who did it? I so wanted to find out…just wanted a chance to slap him once!

Later,when I was still mad at this outrageous incident,I came across this post by Sunilias , which reveals a horrid fact about an online game Rapelay.

The game’s overview on their website goes like this:

RapeLay is a 3D rape simulator by Illusion Soft, makers of the Artificial Girlseries. The player takes the role of a rapist who stalks a family consisting of three young women, raping them repeatedly until their will breaks and they become his slaves.

How disgusting can things get? We say women are not safe on roads,at late night parties/movies, in weddings,in towns and villages alike….and that, women should carry pepper sprays and knives and such for their safety.

But what about the women in print media and virtual world? What do they carry for their safety? 

“back off!stop hurting us in any which way!!!!”

Why only a new mother is doubted of her efficacy in office whereas the new father is continued to be looked at in the same manner?

Whenever I’m appearing for an interview,now a days, the first question asked to me on a personal front is

“Are you sure you want to take up a full time job? You have a 1 year old daughter,will you be able to manage?”

What is wrong with this question? Well,nothing much except it irks me that these type of questions are asked only to new mothers who want to resume their careers.

Why is it not a point of concern when new fathers appear for an interview ?

Ain’t a father equally responsible in performing the role of a caretaker as much as the mother ? If you look technically,I think breastfeeding is the only task that a father cannot perform,no matter how strongly he might want to pitch in,rest all comes under fathers-can-do-too category.

So why this differentiation in an outlook towards female candidates? I’ve not come across any male,a new father to be precise,being questioned like this. He is not even questioned on the family set up and how the child will be taken care of,etc.

We talk about female rights, modernization of thoughts and no gender bias. So at least people who belong to a certain class,educated,are expected to open their brains and think wide,no?

But soon before I could answer this question myself,I’ve come to believe that education brings in change but it alone is not enough to ‘service’ the age old mentality!

A mother is by default the one to pause her career,even take a break if required and should be available to her child 24*7.

No matter how the husbands of today have come forward to take equal share of responsibilities in household tasks and child rearing, the society collectively still attaches all this to women.

Moreover, male candidates in general, are not asked questions like

“When do you plan to get married?”

the perspective being- even if he gets married he is not going to be the one to change locations.

“Do you plan to have children sometime soon?”

the perspective being-Hell,even he does,he is not required to take a break,so why bother!

“Is your family ready to relocate with you?”

the perspective being- Of course his family will relocate with him no matter his wife might have some issue s in that!

Whereas,when a female student is appearing in placement interviews she without fail is asked

“What if you get married sometime soon?How will you manage the new job and personal life?”

the perspective being-a newly female has several roles to play in her new home and the husband? No changes in his life,didn’t they tell you?

“What if you get married soon and your husband belongs to another city? Will you leave your job?”

the perspective being- Who considers that the husband can consider leaving his job and change locations for his wife,eh?

And a female candidate who is newly married is asked about her plans to get into the family way etc etc.

Also, female candidates applying to a job in a different city than her current location is asked

“Is your husband ready to relocate?”

the perspective being- Have you taken his permission?

I have no issues in being asked such questions. A company by all means has a right to know such stuff so that the prospective employers can plan the roles and responsibilities accordingly if they are going to recruit the candidate.

I have issues in the perspective by which these questions are asked.Why does it invariably becomes only a females responsibility to quit the job if she gets married to another city? Why does it necessarily becomes females job to make sure her family is ready to move with her for her new job whereas a male candidate changing locations is a unsaid rule that the family will shift?

I don’t know if I’m making any sense..just that me having a little baby makes me any lesser efficient candidate? No way,I’m not ready to take that! I’ve delivered a baby not transformed totally to another person that all my work-ex goes out of my head,huh!

Did you working mothers have any such experience in your professional lives?

Parenting-Push and Pull

Parenting,Parenting uff yeh parenting ūüôā Write how much possible on this topic,you can never run out of thoughts,anecdotes and incidents to share.

I’ve been wanting to write few things that my parents inculcated in me while bringing me up but the thoughts were not properly getting streamlined. They say it right: You just need a push to do certain things and I got my push from RM’s wonderful post ‘Letting Go’.

Parents do a great job bringing their children up in particular manner. No parent will ever want their children to be rude,misbehaving or a wrong doer when they grow up. The way your parents bring you up,goes a long way with you.

Somethings that have stayed with me till date are:

1. Once while walking from the drawing room to the dining area I tumbled upon a bottle of Iodex and I didn’t pay attention to it,in fact I slid it aside with my leg and furthered to where I was headed. My father watched this and asked me turn back,pick that bottle up and keep in it’s place and then go. I was reluctant to do so and I said no. Little did I know that my father,who always treated me like a princess can also change hats to the strict father ever. He got up,came to me and repeated the same instructions and I,testing his patience,said no again. Then what, you guessed it I’m sure! Yeah…his all 5s on my cheek ūüė¶ And it didn’t end there. I was made to do what I was told and also explained why I got that whacking! First,because I didn’t listen to him even after he telling me properly twice. Second, for not caring for things coming in my way and hitting them with my foot and walking over.

2. I’ve been treated by my father like a princess all my life.And not only I say this but people around acknowledge the fact too. So I’ve always felt extra special in his company feeling that whatever I do or ask for will be fulfilled. This incident is of the times when I was in junior school. Papa used to carry dabba to office and mostly we never had him for lunch at home on week days.We followed a ritual in the evenings-when he used to come back from office,before entering home,he used to take me for a small ride around the park in the colony. One day,he came home for lunch since he had to go to a short tour to near by city. After we ate lunch together I asked him to take me for short ride around the park before going to office again. He told me very nicely that he is getting late and that there is not time for the ride. I started throwing tantrums and you know how the kids do when they are crying,howling and lying on the floor for kind of blackmailing their parents? I was doing all of it but do you think my father gave in? Ha! He simply walked away out of the house cause he was obviously running late. On the other hand my mother tried to make me understand but papa not fulfilling my wish was too much for my ego. To my surprise even went about doing her work in the house and I was left unattended. What next? Well, I realized ab meri daal nahi galne wali¬†so I got up on my own in few minutes and became normal. After which mom told me this: a) You are no doubt papa’s princess but all the time he can fulfill your wishes. He’ll do what all he can do best for you and you have to understand that. b) By throwing tantrums you don’t possibly get your work done.Tantrums are a waste of your time and energy.

I’ve been taught to say ‘thank you’ to everyone who has been a help to me or been good to me or done something for me. Be it maids, family,friends and relatives. I remember, my grandmother insisted that I stop saying thank you to her cause it was for only formal relationships. We all know that all she meant was saying thank you to your grandmother is not necessary cause all she does for her grand daughter is with love. But to this my papa politely told his mother that it’s not only for the formal set-up or relationships but to make her [me] feel humble for things people do for her.

There were many a times that my grandparents disagreed a lot of ways of my parents’ parenting style. Of course generation gap being one thing and several other conceptual issues. But even after all the resistance my parents managed to teach me what they wanted to in their own way.

I’ve to learn that balancing act. I’ve to learn a lot in this whole process of parenting. Along with teaching my child I’ve to recall my lessons and tweak them if necessary and then relay them to Chirpy. I’ve a long long way to go. But I’m glad I’ve begun my journey and I’m determined that I’ll follow the right paths shown to me by my parents,my elders.

Like I mentioned in the comment on RM’s post-my parents I think gave me freedom where it was necessary and also tighten the grip on my hands where they felt the need to pull me back.

It’s the game of pull and push,I realize now. You find the fine balance between them and I think you’re good!

A classic example of only applying ‘pull’ force to your children runs in my own family. My second cousin who is 33,Ph.D. in child¬†psychology and¬†unmarried.

When she was about say 5-6 years old she lost her younger sister to cancer. The family of course was traumatized. Loosing your child, your sibling is no less than a shock of life. But that tough incident left such a big impact on the family that today my sister has become a little abnormal. You say a Ph.D. holder and I’m calling her abnormal? I’ll tell you why:

>She doesn’t go out of the house.

>She doesn’t have friends, she watches movies only at home.

>She has a pet parrot which is her best friend and she doesn’t let anyone see it-it’s only hers.

>She talks to the monkey god-Hanumanji-all the time and tells her mother,my massi,that she will marry him one day.

>She doesn’t know cooking,cleaning or any such stuff called house work.

>She doesn’t make her hair on her own-my massi does that.

>She never goes to the college on her own-my uncle drops her and picks her up-all these years every single day he has done that.

>She has never filled her college/ thesis forms-my uncle does that for her.

>She doesn’t pick her plate,after eating her meals,and put it in the kitchen-her grandmother does that for her.

>She sleeps between her parents even today.

>She has not traveled out of the city for so many years now.

>She wears only kurta pajama with sleeves running till her palms and collar tight at the neck.

>She doesn’t go to the parlor,has never been all her life.

Yes,this all is very very true and happening since the day the family lost their younger daughter. It has affected my uncle,massi and the grandmother majorly and the after effects are they’ve pampered and over protected my sister so very much that today she has turned into this. Even after studying so much she doesn’t want to work. And all the reason behind studying so much was for killing time,since she was not doing much at home. She wants to get married,at least this is what she says,but only if a guy is ready to leave back his family and come and live with them. They have also constructed 1st floor 2 years back in anticipation that my sister will get married and they both will stay upstairs. Mind you, there is no kitchen made in upper section-reason being the would be couple would eat with massi and family any way,so what’s the need for the kitchen! So you see no guy is ready for¬†leaving his¬†family¬†cause it’s not only being¬†ghar jamai¬†it means breaking all the connections with his own family!

Can you beat this? Can you imagine having no friends at all?Can you imagine not going to movie halls ever? Can you imagine your mother doing all your shopping for you even today? Can you imagine sitting inside the house all the time except for the very important tasks where your parents can’t go like thesis submissions and all? Can you imagine not having a career at all and just having the degrees?

I mean I totally can imagine the flurry of emotional changes that would have occurred in massi and uncle but going to this extent to protect the other daughter, in my opinion and the our family’s too, they have really ruined her life. Pampering is not bad but like they say ‘extreme of anything is not a good sign,it ruins everything’.

They are very rich,good for them, they bring everything to their daughters door steps but acting in this manner,by keeping her in the shelter all the time has affected my sister so much that no matter how many times we other cousins have tried to talk to her or tell her how we are living our lives,she refuses to come out of her shell. She has not attended any of the weddings and ceremonies which have taken place in the family since ages-just one reason behind it all-she likes to be in her own home,all the time.I have only one question to my massi and uncle-what happens when you guys are gone tomorrow?

So, push or pull or both in balance,what you do with your child really matters in the long run and the learning starts from parents,so there!

From the post ‘Judgmental Strings’…

This post is an afterthought of the comments¬†received¬†on the post Judgmental¬†¬†Strings‘ .

So many comments and all in agreement. So,one thing is clear that to each his own and one should not interefere in any personal matters of any family/couple. But ironically our society has an annoying habit of deciding for other when should one marry,should have children,should resume work or no,how to bring up children and the stuff.

As my post says suggesting something is way to different from dictating something.

Like Deeps said:

These fleeting judgments by all and sundry will happen no matter how hard you try to make them understand your stance, no matter how much you make it obvious to them that you do not encourage their constant interference and unsolicited advices..

This is sad that I’ve to agree to Deeps’s comment. Why can’t people just live and let go?

But any way getting deeper we all know that it’s not a simple task that you taught good things to your child and your work done…

Like what Ani said on the post:

I am always scared about this.. Like me trying to regulate my kid and the social/other sources diverting her thoughts that might in turn make her not to oblige to the values I try hard to teach her.. you understand what I am saying? As a mother we would have umpteen thoughts for our kid but how many of it the kid will actually take in is a question na?

Which is so true. Today,while putting chirpy into some routine and habits I too think of future when she might have her own opinions and might not agree with what all I have to teacher. When she starts school she might be more inclined to follow her peers than me.

But in the fear of tomorrow shall we stop teaching right form wrong to our kids today? My job is to teach her good things which I must keep doing.

Wanderer said:

Only you’ll have to try harder to nullify the outside bad effects on her, once she starts school.

I totally agree…I’ve to keep trying my best to teach my daughter whatever I think is right. Whether she takes it up and follows it or not,is her choice and my luck!

All those people who keep telling me, along with the lady I mentioned in the post, that this is not the right age to train kids. She is too young to even understand. I say this is the¬†age because right now she is totally under our control…no peers,no exposure to outside world.

Like NBose says on the same lines:

but i feel that we cannot suddenly get up some day & start the discipline regime…it has to be started from beginning..

DI gave a classic example of how people interfere:

I had an incident recently, wherein a very closer relative kept repeating how Zo will ruin our house because that’s what kids too, and if we restrict her it is unfair, because this is her house! Further, she made Zo pull at a vase, and what not, till it fell! 

How irritating some people can get,no? I also wholly agree with what DI said further:

Zo chooses to be ill mannered tomorrow, we’ll decide how to fix that, but there is no point teaching her bad manners.

And something that all mothers would agree whole heatedly was said by Anonymously Disguised:

I am a firm firm believer of absolutely NO TV while eating and the boys know very well that the plates will be yanked away from them if they do so. I always think the food is something that should be relished and respected, and eating time is usually family time at the table. I don’t remember even once showing TV or taking Sammy around the home to feed him as a baby and believe me Nu, I am the one who is reaping that benefit now….you put a plate of food in front of him, he will wipe it clean and then go about his other work :smile:

All I have to say is I’m glad we are like minded people around! Thank god at least this space is such ūüôā

For others,I still don’t say what all I’m instilling in Chirpy is the best but it is surely the best by my standards. I might appear like a cruel mother or a not-so-motherly types to some but my daughter has settled down with the fact that her mother is like this,period,too bad,mothers can’t be exchanged ūüėČ

Parenting is a grilling task for parents. It’s not easy for a even a minute. All the parents in the world strive hard to give the best values and thoughts to their children. We must respect that rather commenting negatively. Everyone usually tries the same methodology and pass pretty much same values that come from their parents. So if you are trying to insult my parenting style may be you are insulting my parents,think for a moment.

Being judgmental is very easy. But looking inside is something we humans usually procrastinate !

Mother Tongue Only?

When Chirpy was born I looked around for advises, suggestions from the other mothers who were a little ahead of me by few milestones,I still do. I think it is always better to keep a check on what’s happening around,though not in terms to compare your child’s growth with others’ but just to keep a tab and to be aware of what to expect.

While I was at it, I noticed that one of my friend’s 2 year old can decipher and talk English, Punjabi, Marathi and Hindi. English and Hindi for obvious reasons cause it is commonly used in friends’ and play circle. And my friend is a Maharahstrian married to a Panju so¬†that explains why Marathi and Punjabi both. The¬†multilingual¬†ability¬†of her elder one impresses me and needless to say I’m sure the younger one is going to follow the suit.

After speaking to my friend and checking few websites for info I found out that children have an inborn language acquisition faculty that, during age 18 to 36 months, enables them to develop and productively use large parts of the grammar of the languages they have been exposed to since birth. If they are raised in a multilingual environment, this faculty can be used to acquire more than one language simultaneously.

I’m convinced that children can pick up as many as languages as you expose them to,seeing my own daughter. We talk to Chirpy in 3 languages-Marathi, Hindi and English. But¬†initially when we started talking to her it was but natural in our mother tongue. Then slowly we realized that she is well¬†acquainted¬†with Marathi but does not respond properly to Hindi and English per say.¬†We made a conscious effort to talk to her in these two languages by dividing the job-MIL talks to her in Marathi, Me in English and Husby in Hindi. So that makes her listen to all three at the same time and now I can safely say that she understands these 3 languages well though she has a long way to go!

Today I read an article in DNA Sunday which says talk to your babies in your mother tongue. This article states that over a period of time in order to teach your children other languages to make them competitive the mother tongue is lagging behind and slowly it will diminish.

It also says that teaching kids multiple languages does not impair their intellectual growth. In most cases,the more codes and structures you impart to kids- without confusing them-the sharper they tend to be. Being multilingual can delay age-related mental decline, gives you better ear for languages and better communication skills. 

But there are families that insist on talking to babies only in mother tongue cause other languages can be picked up later. I disagree. Every language is important and must be taught to the child for his/her benefit. I believe in the multilingual teaching method more so now considering the article I mentioned above, my friend’s daughters’ example and now Chirpy too, I think babies are well programmed to¬†receive¬†multiple signals and we must make the most of the¬†opportunity,what say?

P.S. Of course there are different medical cases too like the one I’ve come across in which the baby have had some impairment in hearing and speech skills by birth. As per doctors she could only learn one language and hence her ¬†parents chose English,which is obvious & wise,I guess!

 

Click image to go to the article ‘Blended Kids’

 

Yet another SMJ post-not

There is something about it,my heart always told me and it all came out to be true.

All this while watching promos and hearing about the much talked about and speculated show ‘Satyamev Jayate’ ¬†[SMJ] I was waiting with abaited breath for 11 am today. When I watched it I realized I was anticipating something like that to be coming our way. After all it ¬†is Aamir’s show, so it had to have some weight in it!

Whereas I agree that it is on the similar lines of Crime Patrol aired on Sony but what makes it stand out are these three things:

>Aamir Khan

>At the end it’s not only a reality talk show but the real show which not only intends to bring the issues in light but also do something about it.

>The so much down-to-earth-touch and no celebrity-ness of it all.

Today’s episode was on : Female Foeticide

Needless to say FB is full of status messages about SMJ and of course people are raving about it. My cousin’s status message after watching the show was this:

One country…different worlds!!!! Chilled to the core after watching Satyamev Jayate….. humbled to be born privileged!

I could not help but post ditto on it!

If you’ve watched the show you know what I’m talking about and why. If you haven’t you can catch it here:

SMJ 1st Episode

I shuddered, I was horrified and I was in tears by the end of it all. It so happens no that we kind of know that things are happening around us and we feel sad about them when we read / hear about them via media but the reality only hits us when you hear some true heart wrenching stories by the one’s who have gone through it. Listening to the three stories that were presented were like taking a trip to hell!

There are people who are animals,quiet literally..there are grandmothers who intended to kill their grandchildren just because they are not grandsons and there are fathers who give a damn for their own flesh and blood because that flesh and blood ball is going to be a girl one day!

When I imagine myself last year having delivered Chirpy, I realize how lucky I’m to have a mother in law who wholeheartedly took chirpy in her arms and is till date raving about Chirpy’s presence in ¬†her life. She,not even for a nano second made me feel that I did not give her a grandson…And no until today I was not even thinking about all this but today I’m!

But ironies that happen to other women make you say that thank god my in-laws are not like this,me and my parents are lucky!  How ironical is that??? I have to feel lucky for such a normal thing that my daughter is being accepted and loved for being a girl child????

Any way I think I’m getting carried away while writing this. All I wanted to share is of course I loved the show. I was Aamir’s fan since whenever I can remember and now I respect him more for the step that he has taken towards eradicating social evils and I hope this time we all join our hands and fight till the end…cause waves come and go but if we do not let this one go…it will stay and will surely bring in a sea change!¬†Their website has all the details of how you can support the cause. Just do it people, just do it!

Leaving you with an equally heart wrenching song sung by Swanand Kirkire on the show:

P.S. I have to tell you IHM that all the while I was watching the episode I was thinking about you and your posts . I also thought that may be you should kind of get associated with Aamir’s show,no really, you both any way have the same motive,so why not?

And as lot of people would have guessed it you have already done the post about the show ūüôā Cheers IHM !

P.P.S. While writing this post when I typed in the word ‘foeticide’¬†WordPress¬†immediately underlined it with a red line…see even the blogging platforms¬†are aware that it’s not a valid term ūüôā

P.P.P.S. I wanted to link the show’s website here but you know what the website is so much crowded at this moment that it’s just not letting me in..such is the show’s effect ūüôā You can go to¬†http://www.satyamev-jayate.in