Don’t you get tired…

of judging people? Of assuming the other side without knowing the facts & figures? Of making assumptions of the situation as is? Of making weird comments and passing judgements on others’ decisions?

I’ve no intention to clarify anything to people who plainly judge others on the face of it. I dislike judging and assuming things on my own without knowing the entire thing and I make sure I’m not doing that, whatsoever. Unknowingly, if I tend to judge, I stop myself immediately and remind that “boss, there must be a situation at other’s end which you don’t know, so stop your imaginations and do better things in life!”

While I can tell myself such things, there is no way I can control the way people think. It irks me, tickles my funny bone and makes me shake my head in sheer disappointment that how low people can get down to just judge others. Really? Don’t they get tired of doing the same things time and again ?

Anyway, the reason for this post, at this moment is just to vent out what I went through this pregnancy and it also brought back some old memories. And you know, writing is one of the ways to take it out of your system and calm down. Moreover, it will give (handful of) my readers a good laugh to know the (low) thinking capabilities of people out there ūüôā

I drove to work today, when in my 9th month of pregnancy. People’s reaction “Haww, what a husband, he doesn’t care and let her drive in this state”.¬†

My side: First of all get this straight, I’m pregnant, not sick to be dependant on others. Yes, being pregnant means being careful but not dependant as long as my state permits me to do my own things, please note! Secondly, I’ve been driven by my husband since a month now and he has done all that it takes to adjust his work life to suit mine and support me in my work timings, where were you when he did this so far, why didn’t you comment then to appreciate him? Thirdly, why today I had to drive because there is a reason: He had to pick our daughter from school and the timings¬†coincided, sometimes¬†you’ve to make choices and adjust routines, we just did that, nothing more to it, no melodrama where in my husband is cruel and making me suffer through my “tough” times etc, ok?

We conceived Chirpy after 5 years of our marriage.¬†People’s reaction “Are you guys having some issues conceiving? I know a specialist, go meet her. Don’t you think 5 years is too long to have kids after marriage? Does this long gap mean you will have only one child? Are you not going to have any kids?

My side:¬†Ladies, this is none of your business, our marriage, our relationship, our prerogative to have kids and decide when to have them. Whether we choose to have a child or not, depends on us. Whether we have issues or not, our problem. Thanks for being¬†over¬†concerned for us, but no thanks, we will approach you if need be, right now just buzz off! I don’t know how many people know or even after knowing how many people think logically, I enrolled myself for an MBA post my marriage. That’s how we had planned it and that’s why we had agreed to get married earlier that we wanted to, family wish and all that. So I studied full time MBA, worked for a while and then I decided to take a break from work to make babies! Whether our planning was wrong or not, let us decide and see for ourselves! We are wise enough and educated enough to make our own choices!!

I delivered Chirpy via C-section process.¬†People’s reaction “What? C-sec, oh o! Motherhood is incomplete¬†without¬†birthing vaginally. Poor Chirpy!”

My side:¬†What? Are you kidding me? Just because I delivered Chirpy via getting operated and not “normally” I’m a less of a mother to her? Wow, what a theory, from where did it come from, Please share the source! What actually happened during the delivery is unimaginable. I was in¬†labour¬†for almost 20 hours and finally my water broke¬†which led the doctors and us to take a decision. Mine and my baby’s safety was utmost important rather than worrying about how much mother would I remain upon being operated! I guess that’s the whole point, I’ve heard people emphasizing on their wives/daughters-in-law delivering vaginally and wait until the last moment, sometimes even risking the woman’s life. How fair is that? I think birthing is a process to bring happiness and new life to the world and not increasing risks and failures to families and new mothers!

Its my last month of pregnancy and I’m still going to office.¬†People’s reaction “What? Are you crazy? You should sit at home and relax.What kind of MIL it is? She doesn’t guide on this front? Husbands lets your step out?¬†

My side:¬†I’ll repeat my logic here. I’m pregnant, not sick. I’m enjoying my life, my time and I’m comfortable. I’m thankful to my husband and MIL of being supportive of my decisions and not enforcing me to do anything that I don’t wish to. My MIL puts in extra efforts to ensure I’m not doing a single task at home, howsoever I would want to do little things. My husband is my partner in my sleepless nights, and in the morning does all the chores related to my 4 years old to send her off to school etc. Moreover, my doctor is supportive of the fact that as long as I can easily live normal life, I should continue without breaking the routine. If I can go to work I should, if I can drive without any hassles, I must. So what else do I want? Being pregnant and living a normal life, ain’t that a great state to be in? So what’s there to complain?

I enrolled myself to a full-time MBA course after marriage.¬†People’s reaction: The entire anecdote is written here, interested may hop over !

Well, there are so many things that I’ve heard and have been judged about. Can’t write them all here. Not worth and very tiring basically! But anyway I feel good having written all these. Taken out of my head ūüôā

 

Advertisements

But the Million Dollar Kestion Is….

So we’ve arrived to the stage where there are certain “logical” questions that are constantly thrown to which the mother and the father drop their jaws first and then scratch their brains, think a little more, look at each other, oh pick their jaws back and get ready to deal with it!

And let me tell you ¬†these questions ARE TO BE ANSWERED anyhow! You’ve to do that logical reasoning and debating if required, which is most of the times!

These questions vary from little shock to greater shock intensity. Sometimes these tickle your funny bones to no bounds and rest of the times they appear like they were intentionally created to tease you!

So among the long array of firing that is done every day and trust me it is every single day, the million dollar one has arrived….

“why do some of my friends stand and pee and you make me sit and do it???”

 

 

 

Just How To Stop ?

I’ve shunned the newspapers, websites which provide the details of the henious acts taking place in the world. The world is coming to an end, remember this is what was predicted last year?

Coming to an end meant “this” end, in terms of humanity & sensibility! I’m not sure how I’m going to protect my child. How will I ensure she is safe whenever she steps out of the house.

Reading about these incidents I feel enraged, I feel that without waiting for any judgement or any “justice” we should simply put the criminal on fire, burn him alive, let him feel the burns, the pain that one goes through when one is hurt physically & mentally.

5 year old? Are you kidding me? Just what do you get out of that tiny little body? You are sick in your mind, you are sick in your soul. You don’t deserve to live at all. Yes, I’m sure of what I’m saying, I’m talking about a murder, I would love to kill you by my own hands and why not!

But even after getting angry and writing such posts, what remains is a question in mind: “What is the solution to stop all this nonsense?”

Just how would we ensure such things don’t show their ugly face ever againg? That all our children and us women are safe? All we talk about is what to do when things have already happened which pretty much boils down to punishing the criminal. But the damage has been done and the soul has been tarnished. There would be lot of healing required at so many levels… that is a new chapter in itself…. I can’t even imagine of!

But how to stop before it happens? Just how?

Is it a generation thing?

Recently when I was interviewing candidates in order to augment the team, I came across 2 candidates, in their early 30s,who were divorced.

This was just a couple weeks back and y’day I got a call from my friend stating that her sister, all in her late twenties, got divorced in 2 years of her love marriage.

2 months back we had a person joining in the organization who also had the same story to narrate.

Was generally discussing this with the big boss, on a lighter note, and pat came the reply that this is generation problem!¬† I knew he was kidding at that moment but I could not resist and probed him. He still maintained the same thing and then I said excuse me I too belong to the same generatio, so what do you want to say? To which he replied saying all these girls that you’ve mentioned are at least a year or two younger to you and these days even a couple of years gap becomes a generation gap!

It made me think, on two notes:

  1. Why are divorce rates going high?
  2. 2-3 years age gap and we call it another generation altogether, really?

What’s your point of view? Is it a generation gap? Is it more earning power and independence that we are gathering these days? Is it low value of relationship and longivity? Is it because of easy access to such solutions that we make haste in arriving at these? Is it something called young blood and Gen X type things?

Adding to above numbers I’ve also couple of more friends to add to the list divorcees. I also had done a post 2 years back on the same…(somehow I’m unable to tag the link here so posting it as it is) https://stockpilinglife.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/exactly-when/

When I wrote¬†the above post ¬†maybe I had a very little thought process around it or the thoughts were half baked¬†! That said, even today I realize that of course very dire situations call for necessary separation, understood! But in general I’ve also come across some cases where in even a lower level of arguments or time spending together¬†have become issues and led to separations.

Have we become less tolerant to listening to NO or bending down for the partner? Does it really have to do with the individual earning capabilities?

I’m sure in any case, it is really tough to go through a separation. And no one goes ahead and enjoys the status but can the couple, in toto, prevent arriving at this hard juncture of life?

Safety Checks!

He was with friends. Happy. Excited about the perfect life that he had carved for himself. He was young. He drank liquor to celebrate his happiness. His friends told him not to be too drunk since they had to return on bikes. They were at a highway dhaba in the outskirts of the city. On their return towards home, in the midnight, he started racing the bike. His friends again warned him not to, it was fatal, drunk and speeding! He gave a damn and accelerated in the dark, leaving his other friends far far behind! They thought he must have reached home by now, because they didn’t see him anywhere on their way…they went home!

And where do you think he was? In all the excitement of speeding up, he lost the balance of his bike and fell in a hole at the side of the road. It wasn’t deep. He was not hit by any vehicle. He just fell in the hole because of losing balance…. but it took his life! When he fell, he fell on his head and hit on a huge stone! He lay there, numb, brain and blood oozing out, for almost 3 hours!

The patroling police group found him and called his friends and family. But it was too late! He was gone, high in the air, taking all the excitement and happiness from his family’s life! He risked it and they are now paying for it !

This is a real incident happened just last weekend. And see the connection, the guy mentioned above it husby’s student AND my newly joined team member’s fiance ! Sure, the world is small, but in such cases we don’t bother if we have common connections or no! All we care is a life is lost! A family is broken, a set of parents are devastated! A young man is no more leaving a young girl with¬†the dreams of a life with him!

But in the entire thing did you notice something? I wish he would not have been drunk, I wish he had listened to his friends and been a pillion. I wish he was wearing a helmet, at least! Because his entire body was scratch less, only his head was bare open, exposing his brains!

Would a helmet not saved his life? Would not racing so adamantly have saved his life? Would listening to his friends not saved his life?

I sit here and wonder, there are so many out there, who don’t care about following traffic rules, wearing helmets and not speeding up unnecessarily on a highway or anywhere for that matter! Everyday’s commute to work for me is a torture…I cringe to see people breaking red lights so easily, not caring is they can lose their life in this! They are so confident about not being hit by a fast moving vehicle on the green light road…

I sit and wonder, if life has become so cheap? If caring about oneself is so difficult?

May¬†your soul rest in peace Anuj….I still wish you were wearing a helmet!

The irony of using an umbrella or living in slum?

Chirpy’s masseuse is a very nice lady. We usually talk a lot in the time that she is at our home. And the best part is we talk about things like Internet*, Child Marriages, Dowry, Cooking, Movies, Songs and the daily stuff. She indeed is a kind of friend to me ūüôā Her name is¬†Sharda.

So, she has to walk around 5-6 kms two ways from home to work. And by the time she is off to home it’s about 12-12-30 in the noon which is the peak time for the Sun dear to rise sharp! I’ve been telling her to carry an umbrella to work so that she is protected from the heat. After me telling her for quiet sometime now,on not finding her carry it, today I almost scolded her for the same. The conversation went in like this:

Me: How many times should I tell you to bring your umbrella?

Sharda: Are bhabhi I can’t please understand.

Me: What’s there to understand, please explain,will you?

Sharda: Bhabhi, we are working class slum people. We should not be using umbrellas.

Me: What? Is this the reason? And why is that?

Sharda: Neighbors¬†will start taunting me that I’ve become pricey that I use umbrella as if I’m some¬†maharani¬†or something!

Me: *shocked*

Sharda: Areh bhabhi, you don’t know our society’s rules and all. People don’t spare anyone. We can’t behave like the rich people do. Carrying umbrellas is a job of rich people like you. We must not do it.

Me: Don’t worry about what will people say, you must first think of your health. What if you have a heat stroke or something? Are these people going to come for you help? And don’t forget that someone has to initiate to break the so called rules no? So why not you? Take that initiative for yourself?

Sharda: I agree and understand what you are saying but I have son-in-laws. I can’t afford to behave like this.Any way, this is not your world so you don’t know. Let’s not discuss it any more. I can’t carry the umbrella until it is raining!

I was left speechless..just don’t know how to react!

*She keeps asking me about the Internet, Computers and how it all functions. I can safely say now that in this one year she has partially become computer literate and knows a lot of uses of Internet! ūüôā

While talking to her about lot of things of ‘her world’ I get so many thoughts. So many things that people face,women specially! Life’s certainly not easy for them!

Take Away from ‘Satyamev Jayate’ Episode 2

The second episode too did a fairly good job in bringing in another evil of man kind-Child Sexual Abuse. It is indeed horrific as it sounds. The stories that were brought forward were,needless to mention,heart breaking.

I had two-fold intention to watch this episode-1. I want to watch the entire 13 episode series, of course and 2. Because I’m a parent now and I must ‘deeply’ go into ‘this’ matter. And my purpose of watching it served big time!

The learning :

>You should not respect the elders,you should respect their behaviour.

How true is that? Just because you are an elder you are allowed to do wrong? No way! You behave nice,you get respect nice! Deal!

>If your child is coming to you with some issue,hear her. Don’t ignore her.

A simple fact: A child who is at an innocent age,why would he lie about something so big like sexual abuse when he doesn’t even know what it means?

Whatever happens you must trust your child first and stand by her,to give her support and strength to come out in open and identify the culprit.

To hell with the age old fear ‘log kya kahenge‘ just think about ‘what my child is going through’

>Talk to your child often about good touch and bad touch!

The workshop:

>Aamir Khan conducted a very short & sweet workshop for children to understand what is ‘danger’ and what is ‘safe’ and what body parts one must not touch,in any case and if one must touch them that should only be in the presence of your parents.

These 3 body parts are- 1. Chest 2. Part between legs 3. Bottoms. 

The moment someone is trying to touch these parts you must resist,scream and run away from there.

Tell your child to tell each and everything to you [parents] no matter what. Which means you’ve to earn their trust and give them the confidence that whatever happens you’ll always be there,holding them tight!

The workshop is a must not forget drill parents should conduct with their children at regular intervals

The hard facts:

>Our country doesn’t have a law against this!

>In cases like oral child sex abuse the abuser can’t be punished because there is no ‘penetration’ of sexual kind!

>There is a bill pending in parliament on this which is not being taken on priority .

>Parents more often then not discard the signals coming from their child regarding this which makes the child feel guilty about himself.

I was astonished, broken and alert after watching this episode. We’ve such greater evils in the society to fight against and still we get down to a level to petty fights,sigh!¬†

Hats off to those who came on the television with their past life stories to share with the world. Unless someone comes out in open others will not take that ‘one’ necessary step of resisting and saying a strict NO! I thank those 3 vanquishers from the bottom of my heart!

We must take actions, We must be bold, We must protect our children and their childhood!

And the episode ended with another lovely song


Assembling Nighttime Thoughts-2

What’s on my mind? Like FB keeps asking! There are too many thoughts wandering in my tiny brain..

majorly right now it is about me sticking to a fixed schedule and being consistent at it-you guessed it right I’m talking about the weight loss target I’ve set for myself this year. I’m surprised to see that I’m so particular in other things but this one which needs really a serious attention now. Forget about looking sassy and wearing hot dresses and all that stuff…it’s more about health…When I look ahead in my future,well not literally,I feel would I be able to run around Chirpy when she plays in the park? Will I be fit enough to spend time in activities with her,Sunday picnics,baking and cooking food for her, all that I keep imagining and planning to do?

Another thing dancing on my head right now is-Reading. My 2012 reading challenge seems to be going ¬†for a toss and I’m really disappointed at that. Basically I’m just being plan lazy with it and I dislike this ! I’ve to read…leave alone the challenge and all, just for my own sake. For staying mentally fit and feel happy about it…I must read!

And thirdly, Chirpy’s health. No, no don’t worry. She is fine,touch wood! Just that she has got a bad bad allergy due to¬†pollen¬†/ heat / some food. Doctors say it’s not possible to pin point and it will only come to the light with time and only I can see that,that is a mother can only know what is causing her this allergy…I’m being careful while feeding her any new¬†food¬†but I’m sure,my motherly instincts say that she is not affected with any food but it’s may be heat or some allergy she has caught while we¬†traveled¬†last few months. All this has cause tough deep rashes on her cheeks ! Though the medication is on and she seems to be recovering from it now but it’s still there and it’s been a month now ūüė¶ I hate such situations where parents just can’t help the babies,why oh why god,as if the other parenting dilemma’s and guilt and confusions were not enough you have burdened us with this too ! Please god,make her super fine no?

See,that’s why blogs are best! I could have not posted all this rant [crap for you ;)] on FB cause of the character restrictions…but the blog space is wide and open to as many characters we wish to type ūüôā

P.S. I just read so many posts,as old as last year’s, of some bloggers¬†tonight¬†and I’m feeling fresh ūüôā Reading pumps in fresh air in me ūüôā

The hero is lost

Remember I wrote about the girl next door?¬†Today when another ‘regular’ episode took place she played the main character and was shouting her lungs out.I was astonished to see her like this. Today was the first time…and now it’s no looking back,I’m assured ūüė¶

How I wished she turns out to be something else unlike her family. Today she broke my dream..she proved me wrong in my thinking and any way who was I kidding? I was being too idealistic.I had to know this was coming already…..

The waves are silent next door now but there is a storm in my heart. At the end of it all,I’m feeling very sad! The hero is lost in her, I hate this fact!

Question that goes unanswered

My cousin sister who is 20, has just started reading novels and often borrows books  from me. Now the novels do contain some mention about sex, kissing , smooching, break offs and the likes. For her,this has opened a new world altogether since she has never discussed such things with friends and of course not with parents.

Since we are quiet close she one day coyly asks me about ‘sex’.And while talking to her I got to know that I’m the second person she is talking about it to,the first being her mother. I was curious to know what all did her mother told her aboutit and to which I got a very expected answer – ‘Who told you about this?Where did you read it? Stop reading novels,this all is not for you.Your are not big enough to know such things.’¬†

Why I said ‘very expected’ answer is I know their mindsets and the environment in their family. So, she turned to me and to which I explained her in very clear and hopefully cleaner terms. This is what I told her precisely-

“Sex is an important ingredient of our lives. A biological need taking place for pleasure and making babies.You came as a result of sex between your parents.It’s not something that one should not talk about or hide cause everyone in the world knows it. However,there are some rules,if I may say so,governing sex. You don’t just get up and do sex with anyone and everyone. It has to be a protected sex,always,unless you and your partner want to have children out of it. You should possibly not indulge in sex unless you’re married but of course that is an individual¬†perspective¬†and a collective decision of you and your partner. Sex,if done forcibly is called rape and one should fight for it even if it means you’re forced by your legally wedded husband or vice versa. Ironically,in our Indian set up,families don’t consider talking about this openly as ‘nice’ hence the angry tone in your mother’s voice when you asked her about it. Also,just because we are a gen next people doesn’t mean we talk about it anytime and with anyone. Just that there is nothing ‘bad’ about sex and one should have a balanced way of handling such topics when in public. As far as novels containing a mention of sex,it is totally okay to read because that’s just a part of story like it is a part of our lives.”

I don’t know how much sense did I make to her,though she said she now understood it clearly and doesn’t feel ‘bad’ about it. Also, she confessed that she felt pretty curious when her mother turned her questions down and she was considering talking to her friends but then thought of asking me instead!

I secretly thanked her in my mind that she didn’t wander in search for answers regarding the topic and hopefully I guided her pretty well. I still don’t understand why do parents,especially mothers of young girls don’t talk about it openly to them? At least they should be guiding their daughters at this age.Aren’t the daughters making mothers’ job easy by asking question rather the mothers’ finding ways to open up the topic? I mean at the age of 20 I think children [?] have right to know and to know it correctly cause they¬†have crossed their teenage phase &¬†quiet grown up to be called adults!

And all this brings me back to the issue that I wrote last year about my newly married friend being 32 and not feeling comfortable about sex and not even wanting to try it out! I think this is where it starts or this is one of the commonest reasons why people are not knowledgeable or are uncomfortable or wrongly informed of things.