Geographically Challenged

When it comes to unknown streets and new paths, I feel helpless and lost. I’m totally purely geographically challenged person on this earth!

I do remember roads to reach destinations but those are the ones I use regularly and are straight in line, I miss gali and pagdandis which seemingly are favorites of people that I’ve known. They call it short-cuts! Duh…

But really, I’m too much dependent on GPS services which I think is not very nice! Especially when I drive on my own, I should not get lost. Or even if I don’t drive, I should know which road I’m being driven on!

And the funny part is I don’t know how to try to get over this challenge. I mean, just how? So far I’ve managed to survive all my life without being a road expert, because I highly depend on GPS and people to guide me. I just hope I get the sense of roads quickly , its better no? Now a days, even Chirpy is like aware of all the roads, which actually makes me a little embarrassed 😉

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Things to Remember…

a go-to list for my own self, to not forget few things in life,ever!

  1. your mind and body need your time and attention
  2. life’s short, just live it to the fullest doing what you love to do
  3. never compromise on giving, give with your whole heart, what you want to give
  4. don’t expect returns on emotional investments
  5. work out, love your body, be a mindful eater
  6. read, that’s what you love
  7. get organized at personal level

Logic or Need

We all know that everyone thinks differently and has a background which is the base of someone’s thinking and decision making. People have had (bad) experiences based on which they take future decisions and alter their behavior or expectations.

All this is ok, agreed! When it comes to putting your point of view, have you come across some people who start with a normal (healthy) discussion and then seeing that they are losing their point OR unable to present it logically, supported with facts, they just for the “need” of winning, keep arguing, have you seen such people?

I do get irritated, appalled and entertained by such people. I mean debating is fine, presenting your point is ok but unnecessarily arguing for no reason at all is something that doesn’t go well with me. If you have your thoughts assembled and you have logic behind to speak about it, please do. But the moment you realize that your point is invalid and doesn’t hold ground, you should just let it go, or maybe research some more on your point and come back with better preparation, right?

I’m all ears for logical and healthy arguments (oh, wait! is that an oxymoron?) But don’t argue for the sake of winning, for anyhow proving that the other person (who actually has a logic) is wrong. That, in my view, spoils the game! It becomes dirty and things go haywire!

I just hope people would know, everything ain’t about winning!

Weak Or Strong?

I’ve a major confusion here. And a concern too. As far as I know myself, I’m a major emotional (fool!) and get attached to people who ‘claim’ that I’m their closes friend and they love me a lot and are so happy that I came into their lives etc. That said, not everyone in my life, like friends, are like this who only say all this but really mean too-its evident from their behavior and acts!

So the point here is, the moment I come into such zone with a friend/s I’m like totally impressed, get mushy and begin pouring all my love on them and start becoming available for them at once. And they love it too, but after a certain point what happens is my inside demon called ‘expectations’ starts showing its ugly face and haunts my thought process. I feel the way I show and speak out my love to my friends, they must reciprocate in the same manner and amount. They should show me that they feel for me and say it quite often-as I do and show from my behavior! And if things really happened that way, it would be an ideal world, right?

But only fact is, it is not! Having said this, I don’t mean to say  at all that my friends don’t care for me or are not bothered, but I very well understand that like I’ve my own way to do certain things, they have their own. Everyone after all is a different personality based on which one thinks, behaves and acts! And which is perfect, right?

My problem is that I expect and also when I feel that the emotions are not weighing equally or are not flowing in the same manner and amount, I assume that I should stop doing the way I do things. I start telling myself to not be myself, and that’s where the whole Am I right? Am I an emotional fool? debate starts in my head. And it moves on to I feeling weak and foolish about relationships. I’m in my second half of thirties and I think I’ve still not got it sorted out for myself, about the outer relationships saga and how to deal with them. I feel I’m still the same teenager who were confused about which path to take-left or right!

And while I’m kind of dwelling on this thought, the inner stronger and happier me tells me to just let it go and let people be. And it tells me to be strong and not feel low for such tiny things in life when I have better things to concentrate and invest time in.

So this weaker me gets a lecture from this stronger me and at the end of it all I’m all charged up and happy. But every debate and charge-up leaves me with questions-should I change? Can I alter my own person ? Can I stop being who am I? Do I think way too much than I should?

I’m constantly trying to figure out what kind of person should I become so that my mind will be at peace and I’ll not feel emotional or sad or unsorted. Or I should just alter my expectations from relationships and carry on the rest and be happy. I look other people around wherein they are so sorted out and clear about their life and people in them that I’ve never come across them talking about such things. They don’t get affected with what others think or say or feel AND if they feel in the same manner as them. Can I ever become that person ? Is becoming that tough?

K-H-N-H,really!

Last week, I heard a very very bad news. One of my Human Resource group acquaintance committed suicide, she was going through some financial problems and along with her mother and brother, they did this crime! All three succumbed to poison!

Was it so bad that she had to take this step etc. is a separate matter to think through. Or why people like her do what they do, is not in our hands or know!

What made me write about it here is this :

I had met her only twice so far since we were introduced, in our HR networking events and we are a part of HR group on WhatsApp. So this lady had messaged me a month back on WhatsApp, asking me to make some time for she wanted to discuss something with me (related to performance review process, as hinted by her). We did have a brief call too, but we planned to make a proper call and discuss whatever she had to discuss with me, laters.

So then, past one month we kept on “planning” this call of ours. Some times she was not available and other times I was running short of time and last week, I get this ugly news!

I was shocked beyond explanation. My heart stirred. I felt terribly guilty about not talking to her, not making time and not putting efforts for making that call. After this incident took place, I felt terrible! Mighty terrible.

I learnt that the time is today, now. We can’t and should not keep postponing talking to people or attending them. Whatever difference you can make to their lives, in any which way, professionally/personally, you’ve to do it then and there. Now that line really sinks in so well Kya Pata Kal Ho Na Ho!

I really wish I could turn back time and call her once.

Blabber Jabber

After all, such posts are so so important and have their own place in blogathon, right? You know the kind of post where you’ve so much on your mind and plenty on your plate but no time on your watch ? Ha!

Today is that day, I want to write, because I’ve committed, but I don’t have time because I’m loaded!!! (wah, how poetically correct I’ve written!)

So work has picked up in new office and life’s moving ahead with speed. I love being busy, having a hectic schedule and running around to manage time and achieve! That’s the kind of person I’m professionally. Last one month I literally had this “honeymoon” period where supposedly people don’t come out of their rooms, in fact beds! 😛

New work place is good and my boss here is awesome, so far, I mean! After all its just 2 months that I’m here . So I don’t want to spoil it all too early! However, before judging any workplace I think at least 1 year’s time should be given to the Company as well as the boss to prove themselves, in the meanwhile you do your job too! So both sides its fair for people to analyse at the end of it all if the fitment exists!

So far I think I’m rightly fit here and will be happy in future too. My last post about leaving this full time job/career, is still running hot in my mind and I’m at it. So even at this new job, I’ve decided to at least spend 1 year and set all the things up for them before I say bye bye! Because I don’t want to leave them in the midst and say ‘I don’t care’, not fair to them, right?

So work’s picked up, I’m busy and I’m loving it here. I’ve got a cabin, which by the way I don’t like cause cabins are like boundaries between people which I hate. I’m constantly talking to my boss and trying to convince him to have me seated somewhere in the bay, out in open with a little secluded space of my own without door and walls, but alas, the senior HR position and all that drama attached to it is taking a toll on me,sigh! I miss my old office space, it was a semi cabin and open and huge AND with a nice beeg window by my seat. I loved it and it was my haven!

In the other news, Sibby darling has started walking and he and his sister are like house on fire. They rock man, they are a sight to see. Sibby has understood that Chirpy is his play mate and that they can do mischief together. He’s so possessive of his sister already, that even a little raise in my voice for her, makes him glare at me like the next moment he’ll give me a big lecture about how not to say anything bad/scold his sister! But this is cute, no? Ultra cute 🙂

Husby dear is extensively traveling this month and a little over next month too, I hate when is he’s not around and that too so much! for a week is like too much for me to function without him 😦 I’m so so used to him being around!

Anyway, that’s my  life at this moment. I’m reading the 4th book of Clifton Series by Jeffery Archer. Anything that you are reading right now ? Anything interesting that you want to recommend ?

Is this me, really ?

You know there are times when you say or do something that later you realize was so not your type? Does this often happen to you ? Well, it surely happens to me, if not a lot, but very regularly.

And it is only in terms of saying or doing bad things, sometimes its also about good things. And then you look back and realize you are capable of doing such nice things too, surprised because you never thought of doing it or never said it!

Just couple of days back while driving back from work, at a traffic signal there was this balloon vendor, a boy not more than 15 years old, he looked me in the eye and kind of pleaded to buy the balloon/s. I initially thought only from Chirpy’s perspective and thought oh we just bought her a balloon the other day and its still lying somewhere in the house..so we don’t need one right away, maybe some other time dude, and I looked elsewhere. Thanks to the signal length, I was there for almost 2 mins, which gave me time to re-think on my decision. I again looked at the guy, who somehow had got stuck to selling the balloon/s to me, i rolled down the glass and asked him how much is he selling one for, he said Rs.10 and if I buy two he’d give me for Rs. 15. I was like, for that one quick second said, areh yarr, give 2 for Rs. 10 and something inside me kind of literally hit me hard. Within a fraction of second I said Ok I’ll buy, but the signal turned to green light and I had to proceed, but I signalled him to meet me at the other side of the signal and you should have seen the way he ran, to reach to the other side, before I reached and ensured that i don’t just drive away without buying, the look in his eyes, while he looked back twice to confirm whether I was still behind him, the expressions on his face stating how happy he was with the thought that he would earn some money… I was moved, beyond any expression!

The moment I reached to the other side, I bought two balloons and without any discussion gave him Rs. 20. He smiled at me and I got my deepest “Thank You” from him! I would never forget that look on his face, the smile on his lips and the gratitude in his eyes!

I just reminded myself that when I can shop in big stores without blinking an eye at the prices or without a slightest thought of bargaining, then why should I bargain with a person who is not only selling the goods on road but his sweat and blood too with all honesty!

I loved myself very much that day, I made a promise to myself, to not bargain with street vendors like him and especially definitely not for such petty money!

So good things or bad, there are times when you are reminded of being you, the you that might be hiding somewhere behind you and then you tend to ask, was it me, really? 🙂

R for Reading

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Reading is something that came to me naturally. Those of who know me now, think I’ve been like this forever, an avid reader. Those of who know me from my childhood, can vouch that I was never ever inclined towards books for reading per say. So then how come these two impressions of the same person ?

In school, we had this designated ‘library period’ where in we were to read book/s in the library and also get one issued to read at home. God only knows how I felt in that one hour… It was like a torture for me to spend midst the books! On the other hand my friends really enjoyed that period and they drowned in the books of their choice. I always used to wonder what pleasure do they exactly get out of reading something? For me watching stories was a better choice or even better was to play games like kabbaddi, gend tadi, lagori and the likes.

By the way, I come from a family where my (maternal) grand parents are read-o-holics. They are people of Reader’s Digest, Daphne De Maurier, Jane Asuten etc. you can imagine the kind of books that we have at home (their home!).

Having such legendary readers in the family, I still never picked up reading. My parents too read a lot. But it never came to me or should I say they never passed it on to me? 😉

So this ‘I don’t like reading’ continued the early school days. Not that I pledged I’ll never read or this is not my cup of tea. But I never gave it a thought is very appropriate. My parents never pressurized me too. That said, I did read comic editions like Chacha Chourdhary, Pinki, Billu, Channi Chachi etc. But not books, novels!

Then came this day, I was in 10th (I think so or 9th (?)!) something inside me pushed me to pick the novel that was kept at my father’s side table. I don’t know how but I just picked it up and started reading and to everyone’s amazement I kept on reading it without having felt the need of keeping the book down. Surprisingly, I finished the book and was zapped! Zapped at something that had just happened. I had read a book, non stop!

That was some experience! I still remember to have felt so so good to have read a book. It felt like I’ve been brought in the world of normals from the world where people were missing something really really beautiful!

The book that I read was Sydney Sheldon’s. I got hooked to his writing. And not only that I got hooked to the idea of reading, to have books around you, to get immersed in them and roam the world without traveling a bit! It was a fantastic feeling. My reading journey started and that was the moment I had realized why my grand parents have a library at home, whereas earlier I thought libraries are supposed to be at schools!

I start borrowing books from my grand parents and they were more than happy to lend me their prized collection! Just to add here, till date from all their grand children, I’m the only one who is a read-o-holic now, not like them maybe, but kind of them 🙂 And they take so much pride in it, they tell my siblings and cousins to start reading be like Didi (me!)

Since then, I started collecting my own books, with a dream to have my own library at home too. And today, I’ve one however smaller it is, but it is there and growing!

So reading came late to me but it came naturally, without anyone really telling me to pick the book! I was never lectured of the benefits of reading or how books could be my best friends et al. I see lot of parents do this to coax their kids to love books! I think book loving really has to come naturally. One can only introduce books and to inculcate the reading habit, assist and be present with the kids. But beyond that, nothing more! If a child has to love it, it will anyhow.

Reading not only got me books but this reading habit got me to blogging too and today I’ve so many lovely blogs at my fingertips to read. My travels became more interesting with at least one book in the back pack. My waits in long queues or at restaurants became manageable for I had a book in my hand. I stopped feeling alone while I was using public transport to commute in Mumbai. Staying at home and let parents attend a relatives’ relative’s wedding was a boon 🙂

I’m happy I read, I feel proud to be a reader 🙂

That’s How Confusing I Can Get !

Life’s taken a new turn. Normally, I’m a person who loves to explore new things, move around and stay inquisitive about the unknown. But then, on the other hand I’m the one who dislikes change, I like to dwell in my comfort zone, something I’ve worked my way through and have set up the strings to suit the environment. I like known people, otherwise it takes me a little time to get to know them, for me to open up and be myself. So its genuine that once I’ve done so much of work in knowing the unknown and letting people in my life, I’ve to leave… and then be at a new place to start the same exercise from the step 0, that’s a little too much, no?

Well, but right now I’m at exactly that stage-I’m at a new place, settling down, knowing new people and working my way through! I’ve changed jobs. I’ve taken up something bigger, better and brighter, or so it seems right now 🙂 Ok well, it is that! It was around 2-3 months of dilemma-tic debate in my mind about my thoughts and feelings that I decided to take this up. Even until the last day I was not sure if I did the right thing, to leave my past Co. and join a new one! Leave alone the last day, on the 2nd day at my new place I was like  “I think I’ve made a mistake, I’ve to go back to my old job”

So people, this is me, a little weird yet normal 😉 Today’s 3rd at work and I’m as chirpy as a bird and excited to start work and I’m already thinking to be here for a long time! How confusing do I sound? 🙂

Wish me luck, I’ve taken a bigger responsibility and the new people have lot of faith in me, I want to have the same faith in me to prove everyone right! I want to do good work and shine bright in whatever I do, I want to feel good about myself when I look back after a year and smile that I made the right decision of my career!

What’s up with you guys? Anything new that you must share? Bring it on…

Is No Title a Title ?

Just realised while talking to a dear friend that I’ve not blogged since a year now! How strange is that? I look back and see that I was such a regular blogger and now since past one year life has become so busy (or the drive of writing has gone down?) that I’ve not visited this space.

Well, now that I’m here today, I felt that the fire of writing is kind of rekindled and then ek post toh banta hai! 

I thought I would try to put everything in a nut shell as to what I’ve been up to all this while, but then its too much to write down in a nut shell, will not fit at all 😉 If I have to sum things up then, life’s been super cool, with minimum lows and maximum sunny side ups! Life’s been benevolent and we’ve been taking it all with both hands!

In the upcoming news, there are lot of new things around the corner to take place. I’m keeping fingers crossed and hoping everything falls in place, at the right time!

Life is a little different, not completely changed though, with two kids. Chirpy is growing to be amazingly grown-up types with logic and reasoning behind her every argument and question. We enjoy talking to her, basically its like learning new things from her and taking in different perspective on the same old things that we’ve been taught or know about. Kids really teach us well and we must keep our eyes and ears open to learn.

Like all parents, we adore our kids. Especially when they are asleep, its such a cute sight to see them sleep side by side, most of the times cuddled and other times forming a random shapes with heads elsewhere and 2 pairs of limbs elsewhere 🙂 Having kids changes your life, sure, increases your responsibilities, certainly but then having kids in your life definitely gives your life a meaning and perspective that you never knew existed!

I’ve to come here often and write abt what’s happening in life, or else the purpose of this blog will be defeated! I’ve to write so much about both my kids, their antics and their growing years! I must come back, for sure!