That Ugly Moment

I’ve been in love with you for 15 years now! Long time, yes it is. And the love only grows stronger with every passing year. Beyond love, its the habitat that we’ve created together, that I cannot imagine living away from. I think its not only us, its with normally all the couples, who spend longer time in the relationship, they tend to get so so used to each other that even a moment’s silence is a killer!

We have love between us, we have patience, we have understanding and we crack stupid jokes to only laugh hard on them ourselves. We’ve our silly days, we have our mushy days and then how can we skip having our rough days? After all these rough days only complete the relationship, right?

But obviously, I hate these moments between us. However, far and apart they are, I dislike them. That being said, and at the risk of being tagged as mean wifey 😉 I’ve to say that these ugly moments actually end up in we making up hard for the lost precious ones 🙂 we are back with much love and care, we resolve quickly because within few hours we realize that this is disastrous-not talking to each other is so not cool! Normally, its you who comes down to me, although you don’t say sorry and all that, but you do try to normalize things and I like my own self try to show off my attitude as if I don’t care types and ultimately we end up laughing at this silly drama 🙂

So we just had one such ugly moment yesterday and boy, it was bad, rough! Yesterday from the magnitude of it all looked like we are at least not going to talk to each other for 1 week! Whaat? Did someone just say 1 week? ha! Today we’re off for a moive together and back to talking, we are jokers, I tell you 🙂 We don’t know how to even fight and survive it 🙂

What’s your fight story? I’m sure you guys do fight, right? Everyone does, that’s the spice of life (cliched yet true) !!!!!!

Advertisements

Food Categories & Options!

We are a pure vegetarian family. However, there is an addition to this. My family, that is my parents (actually only father) and father’s side relatives are a mix. I’ve eaten non vegetarian food since my childhood and continued till a long time, until I met the man of my dreams, my Husby 😉 . The only condition he put forward me before committing was to ask me to convert myself into pure vegetarian, which technically, I should be being a Brahmin.

I considered this a major sacrifice,not. I instantly agreed since his value certainly was much more than eating flesh. And so I became a vegetarian, pure ! I never felt I was missing something in my life.

When we had Chirpy, sometimes in our random conversations it came up whether we want her to be a non-vegetarian or not. I was very clear from the start that I would never tell my daughter to be or not to be a non-vegetarian. My thought process says when you tell someone to not do something all the time, there comes a moment when that someone is tempted to at least try that thing once in his/her life.

Recently, while watching a cookery show with Chirpy, the cook on the screen annouced that he’ll be making a non-vegetarian dish next. On listening to this, Chirpy reacted in this manner, literally

Eww! This is dirty, we don’t eat all this and let’s change the channel

I was shell shocked. I felt bad for the kind of reaction she gave. I wondered why she reacted in this manner and when I dug out for information she told me the source. Apparently, my MIL had sometime back reacted in this manner and she caught that expression and words and repeated it. She being staunch vegetarian and carrying the age old norm of a Brahmin being pure vegetarian etc.

While I would always abide by the commitment that I made to Husby before getting married, I would still not prefer disrespecting someone else’s choice of food. So with the same thought, I made Chirpy understand this:

This is a category of food, called non-vegetarian. There are people who choose to eat it and there are people who don’t eat this category of food. Since this is someone’s food, if not yours, this is a choice that someone has made. And no food deserves to be reacted to as “ew” any given day. It is your choice whether you want to eat it or not, but never ever disregard anyone’s choice or that person for that matter.

Chirpy understood and promised me that she won’t react in the manner that she did earlier. No where in our conversation I told her not to opt for non-veg food. All I told her was our family has made a choice to not eat this category of food. I don’t want to delve in the discussion of being Brahmin  etc and casticising her thoughts right now. So I omitted this detail.

I feel she is very young to be directed and not very young to be directed. If you know what I mean! I want her to know all the options that she can have, what we as a family follow and what she as an individual wants to opt for. I want her to know, think and choose accordingly. Though, this is the only place where I and Husby don’t agree with each other. He is obviously not of the view to ‘allow’ her to eat non-veg but that’s okay. That’s his thought and choice to bring his daughter up 🙂

Two or One, how many is enough?

Lot of time I find myself discussing with friends about having a second child or no. Every time I get into this discussion, I somehow tend to steer it towards the highs of having another baby and why not!

Lot of my friends, obviously, are on the other side, of thinking ‘why to have 2 kids, one is more than enough’. And then the reasoning starts. A healthy discussion that we have, it makes my belief stronger each time, to have 2 kids and not stop at one.

My reasons can be categorized into two heads: 1) For Chirpy 2) For us in the same order.

For Chirpy:

I think there are plenty of reasons I can list down under this head. The major being:

-She will have a companion, playmate, a friend for life.

-She will learn to share and adjust as a human being.

-She will become responsible and caring in her approach.

-She will have the feeling of being the elder one and having a younger one tugged to her, like her own baby! that feeling is really sweet, trust me!

-She will not be the only child & eventually maybe the lonely child.

Now see all the above points are my own opinions, not that the only children are essentially lonely in their lives. I’ve friends who are single child of their parents and have had absolutely healthy and happy childhood and eventually they are good social people as grown ups. All I’m saying is I feel this and that’s why I want to have another baby!

For Us:

Why for us? Umm.. well, here’s why:

-I love having more than one kid, and mind you by having I don’t mean just having, I mean producing here! The whole experience of creating a baby, keeping it inside for 9 months, feeling the connection, that only exists between a mother and the baby, seeing your heart pop out of you at the end of this journey and then seeing that flesh & blood grow into a human being and nurturing it by yourself, this all is amazing, truly amazing! Now that said, I’m not saying parenting or motherhood has only up side always. Of course not, it has its lows and pretty lows too. But ain’t life like that? Everything that we have in life come with a set of disadvantages, the choices we make have some downsides to it, I mean whatever we do, we ought to be prepared for the negatives of it all!

-Having two kids will make us parents balanced in our approach of parenting, me thinks! We will not overdo anything, which I think we may, if we have only child.

-I firmly believe in 2 kids as complete family picture 🙂 though I won’t mind having more than 2 as well lest the husband decides to register me at a mental asylum for behaving like an immature adult 😉 I mean what let’s get it straight, howsoever I would love having more than 2 kids, it is damn costly and boy! I don’t want to put them in trouble because of my love for kids, you know what I mean?

That said, I know there could be multiple reasons for not having more than one child, sometimes a female goes through a very bad experience at the first time and is terrified to go through it all yet another time. Financial stability and future planning affects this decision big time, parents are career oriented and do not have time or energy to invest in second pregnancy and so on so forth, I mean whatever the case, I’m sure there is always a compelling reason to decide on this factor and I respect their choices!

So all I’m saying is, I’m okay if my friends say “we’re good with one child”. Of course this is very personal choice and it should remain like that. But sometimes, I tend to overdo it with my close friends, and give them gyaan about how having two kids=wonderful life 🙂 Yes that’s me, I can cross boundaries, if I’m totally in love with you and you are listed in my best friends’ list!

So like my last post, to each his own, and for me, having two kids is the way of life 🙂

 

Chirpy-ness 5

The conversations and discussions in our household are getting interesting day by day, with little Chirpy growing up with her growing logical reasoning and curiosities. I seriously do enjoy being a parent all the more now. It is like a new flavor in this whole parenting thing that has spiced it up yet again!

Incident 1: Last few days, Chirpy was after us to get home a ‘black&white’ as soon as possible. When we first heard this term, we obviously were clueless as to what she wanted, then we found out that she wanted a keyboard to play music. Now where she saw that, how this thing got into her head, we have no clue but as long as she is getting right things in her head, we are fine! So the discussion about buying a ‘black&white’ started. We first dilly-dallied a little, not to jump on her wishes immediately and all that, balanced parenting tricks or whatever! So we told her ok, let us see and etc. But we noticed that this continued for more than a week and that she was consistent on her fancy for the keyboard. Finally, we thought of really buying one for her. We looked for it online, talked to a few friends for advices/options and settled down on something that looked interesting on Amazon. Our instant thought was to get a toy keyboard for her but then we re-thought that since she is now growing up we should buy her a basic keyboard that would do good for her for say around 2-3 years and she might as well develop an interest in playing & learning it. So this is the lengthy background. Now cut to the conversation we had around this :

Chirpy: When are we getting the B&W for me?

Us: Today we shall order it online.

Chirpy: Okay, so when today?

Us: Right now princess, see Deda is doing it on the computer.

Chirpy: Keenly watching him order it.

Us: See this is the one you shall get home *showing her the image*

Chirpy: Ok great 🙂 What time it will come home today?

Us: Oh no,no, it will not come today, we’ve just ordered it aka purchased it. Now it will take 3-4 days to come home.

Chirpy: *baffled* But why so? You said you just paid the money from the computer!

Us: Yes darling but that’s how online shopping works. *telling her the concept of online shopping*

Chirpy: *discarding the idea of online shopping* huh, what use! If we go to the shop they will give you the B&W immediately when you give them the money!!! This online shopping is not good!

So, all the online shoppers, did you think of this flip-side of not doing the shopping exercise physically? Haha. Honestly, I really appreciate her logic. She is right, we say online is faster, doable, manageable on the go but ultimately we wait for a good 3-4 days to get our product in hand and sometimes more than this. Kids, seriously are genius and so purely logical in their approach, it surely is a time of relearning for us 🙂

Incident 2: She has just learnt the concept of the sport ‘langdi’  and was trying to do it yesterday. But within 5-10 mins she started crying saying that she is not able to do it perfectly and her other leg comes down faster. She wants to get it right, right away! We explained to her that she is doing it right and if she practices she’ll perfect it sooner. I also told her that even mamma learnt it very late, just thinking that this will give her some patience. But then, this is Chirpy, a toddler we are talking about, right? Here’s how the conversation went through:

Chirpy: *crying* I can’t get it right, why?

Us: You will get it right sweetie, just practice a little more.

Chirpy: No, No, No. I want to get it right now!

Us: Mamma also learnt it after lot of practice, this is how we learn. It is okay!

Chirpy: *raising her volume* Noooo, I want do it right now!!!

Us: See you learnt to ride your small cycle after a few days of practicing it, you learnt playing badminton after few days of practicing it, so it is the same with this as well.

Chirpy: *now highly irritated and totally not convinced with us* I don’t like this, I should learn it now, now, now!

We somehow diffused her irritation by again repeating the logic and diverting her to something else giving her assurance that we shall do it together tomorrow. But the whole point here is, the kid that she is sometimes gets too adamant and is not ready to listen. She has become demanding, from herself and wants everything to happen right away. In a way it is good that she wants perfection but the irritation that she feels makes me think what if this becomes her habit & compulsion to know/learn everything that may pull her down in big things in life later? Possibility no? I know this is a far fetched thought but you never know, this is a developmental stage that she is in and she might become the person she is carrying the perception and attitude of things right now. I hope as a parent I’m able to diffuse her going over board on expectations from herself, teach her balancing and channelize her energies in right direction at the right time! Who said parenting is a cake walk,anyone? 🙂

4/30 Letters : Letter to My Sibling

Dear N,

Today I will tell you something that I’ve never ever told you all these years. You might hate me for this or just laugh it out, but whatever your reaction, I would take it !

When I was small, and you were not born then, I was the most cherished child in the family, being the first in every sect of the big family set and subset on mamma’s side. I felt awesome and top of the world, of course not knowing these words/expressions then 😉 . I was the only one, and was attended like a princess. I was the toy of our uncles and aunts, I was the apple of granparents’ eyes… I was… you get the drift right? So yes I was special and felt that every moment of my life!

Then I started seeing my friends having siblings sisters. Slowly I realized I was the only one without a sibling a sister and I started longing for you, my sibling (could have been a sister sibling). I didn’t know our parents were expecting already, and that you were shortly going to come into our lives.

Cut to the day when you were born. This day is crystal clear in my memory, till date and it will always remain, I know! Papa came to pick me from school, Aai was not there at home and Nani wasn’t there too (she had just came couple of days ago to visit us, so I thought, but she came for bringing you in!) Papa was in hurry, since he had come from office, just to feed me, change my clothes and take me to the hospital to meet you!

I was told while getting ready that I’ve a little brother now which we are going to see and then he’ll come home. I looked at Papa in “horror” like literally! A brother? Was papa sure, ha, I wondered! I confirmed and yes it was you, a baby boy, my brother, which I never wanted! I wanted a sister, to show off to my friends like they did theirs! I thought having a brother was not cool, he could not be your best friend, he could not dress like you he was not the one, basically, huh!

I fretted over it, did a little drama, cried, shouted that I don’t want to see you, I don’t want you to come home etc etc! Papa was getting late, since he had to drop me at hospital and go back to office! Finally after coaxing me softly, he shouted at me! Tada! That was the second trigger for me to create more drama… I said papa shouted on me because now you have come, ha!

How naive I was then, just a little girl, you know I don’t mean all that I did and said for you then, right? I honestly wanted a little sister for me and it all began from there. But slowly when we started growing up together, I realized it doesn’t matter if it is a brother or a sister, all that matters first is you have a sibling 🙂 and I’m glad I have you!

Sibling is the best gift parents give to their children, I truly believe in this and good lord we have each other 🙂

On a side note, having a sister has its own perks no? which I missed with you 😉 😉 ok ok, I agree brothers are the best, ok? 😀

While I write this, not a very brotherly-sisterly song, but this is what I’ve on my mind!

Love,

Dee

3/30 Letters : Letter to My Parents

Dear Parents,

I think this is the easiest letter of all 🙂 I’ve things clear in my head as to what I would want to say to you… 

I of course would want to thank you for making me what I’m… When I became a parent I read lot of stuff on parenting, child rearing and how to do what and not. I realized after all that padhai that first 5 years are the basic foundation years that parents can give to their child/ren and that we must not lose it for a minute. Later on then kids pick up their own choices and paths to shape up their lives. 

Parents are guides, friends and philosophers. They stand by you, they are family and they are the ones who will never leave, whatsoever! 

Now that I’m a parent, I realize how tough job it is that you both have done to raise me and my brother. It is not easy to take up this responsibility and fulfill it to the T. There are weak moments, there are tough moments and then there are such moments where you have to be rough in handling your own flesh and blood. Parenting is test of time! And you certainly have taught me good lessons which now are helping me in raising my own daughter!

You know just having a lavish (I mean in terms of time, love, laughter and happiness) childhood makes me a happier and positive person and it reflects in my personality. my behavior and my doings. I feel good about my own self and I want to spread happiness across. 

I feel confident, free and liberal in my own skin. You taught me to love and stay happy in life. Take it as it comes and never feel lost at tough times. I simply adore how you dealt with my teenage : topics like boy friends, going out with friends, crushes, etc were never taboo in our house and in fact were discussed and were explained in such a manner that I never picked up wrong paths in my life because I had a strong support of family and one place where I can open my heart out, on anything!

I want to thank my destiny to have been born to parents like you 🙂 You guys rock! This letter is just an ounce of what I can feel or how well I can thank you for what all I’m today, because of your fabulous parenting 🙂 

The song that is on my mind while I write this is:

Love you,

Me!

My life today!

I love my life! Yes at this moment my life is beautiful.. things that I wanted and were missing in life are now all there! I get up with a smile and sleep with content… There are some changes that I’ve done to my schedule which are a bonus too…

I’ve disabled my work email from phone which lets me be me, the mother, the wife and the person I’m at home. I’m no more a HR professional round the clock! That has brought a big time change in my life and the way I spend my time…

I switch off my thinking button when I’m at home. I no more think about work, strategies, planning and grievances that people have with HR, which are never ending! After all it is not about me personally, it is about the system which I’m a part of! I need not carry it home and fret over it, there are better things to plan and think about, period!

I know these things are nothing great that everyone should learn from me or start doing after reading them on my blog… these things have always been there in the rule book of life, only I was ignorant of them and was kind of making mess of my life by overdoing on work front!

We’ve met our family friends, friends that we can call Family Friends as! I always wanted this to happen and till date have waited for couples with kids same age group as ours and the major factor: clicking !

There are two families that we have become friends with, their kids are gelled well with Chirpy and we adults are similar in almost everything which makes us Family Friends! Now it is not something to rave about or write 3 paragraphs on, but for me it is essential part of life since all our close friends are in some other city or country. Moreover, gelling with people and their spouses at the same time is a little tricky and that’s why with us it never happened till we met R&M and V&K. We girls have clicked so fast, which is not shocking 😉 but the guys have clicked even so much so that in 2nd meet we decided to take up a holiday together, and trust me it was just not a plan, it actually happened! Too much good happening in last 2 months! touch wood!

So things are moving fast, we are growing up and our daughter is growing up with lightening speed that for every kid is true! She is our center of gravitation! We fall for her, every single time!

Job’s good, I feel settled, I’ve authorities and I get importance! I have started managing time to read, to take breaks and spend with my own self, I’m writing again which makes me happier, I’ve got involved in lot of Human Resource community activities and that keeps me motivated too!

Life can’t be better, can it? There are friends who ask me how do I manage doing so much and still am happy and not drained at the end of the day. There are friends who ask me how do I manage to look young and (not fit though) decked up (subtly) having a demanding job and fulfilling responsibilities at home.

If I really have to answer this, it is my MIL and Husby who support me in every step that I take. I’ve to never worry on personal front if I’ve to take up travel for work, I don’t have to fret if I have to stay back late in office, I don’t have to look into Chirpy’s studies on weekdays… it is all worked out well between 3 of us and it is rocking !

So in a nut shell I feel I’m on the top of the world. My life is good and I’m happy. But there are always BUTS in between, how can the circle be complete without them, right?

These little things are not worrying facts, but yet they surround my thoughts all the time, like we are yet not sure on having a second child. I’m not sure if we are doing justice to chirpy by delaying so much? Or is it for her good? I’m not sure if we will have a second child cause we have not yet finalized on this. This still is a cursory thought in our conversations. Other thing is my weighty issues. I know I know I know, it is all in my hands and all that but that’s the whole problem, it being only in my hand I’m not doing it. Why? I ask myself? And then I look back at my own pictures and I feel saddened to see myself now! What have I done to myself and why? This question remains unanswered, the plans go for a toss every morning and at the end of the day I’m just few more kilos heavier! For this, I hate myself, very much! But this is an old story, the whole point I’m trying to make here is they say one can never be happy, never be satisfied, I think it is true in my case, I will always want something from life at every point of time! Such is life, right?

So what is it that you want today? Are you happy thoroughly? Has your wants list exhausted?

Is it a generation thing?

Recently when I was interviewing candidates in order to augment the team, I came across 2 candidates, in their early 30s,who were divorced.

This was just a couple weeks back and y’day I got a call from my friend stating that her sister, all in her late twenties, got divorced in 2 years of her love marriage.

2 months back we had a person joining in the organization who also had the same story to narrate.

Was generally discussing this with the big boss, on a lighter note, and pat came the reply that this is generation problem!  I knew he was kidding at that moment but I could not resist and probed him. He still maintained the same thing and then I said excuse me I too belong to the same generatio, so what do you want to say? To which he replied saying all these girls that you’ve mentioned are at least a year or two younger to you and these days even a couple of years gap becomes a generation gap!

It made me think, on two notes:

  1. Why are divorce rates going high?
  2. 2-3 years age gap and we call it another generation altogether, really?

What’s your point of view? Is it a generation gap? Is it more earning power and independence that we are gathering these days? Is it low value of relationship and longivity? Is it because of easy access to such solutions that we make haste in arriving at these? Is it something called young blood and Gen X type things?

Adding to above numbers I’ve also couple of more friends to add to the list divorcees. I also had done a post 2 years back on the same…(somehow I’m unable to tag the link here so posting it as it is) https://stockpilinglife.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/exactly-when/

When I wrote the above post  maybe I had a very little thought process around it or the thoughts were half baked ! That said, even today I realize that of course very dire situations call for necessary separation, understood! But in general I’ve also come across some cases where in even a lower level of arguments or time spending together have become issues and led to separations.

Have we become less tolerant to listening to NO or bending down for the partner? Does it really have to do with the individual earning capabilities?

I’m sure in any case, it is really tough to go through a separation. And no one goes ahead and enjoys the status but can the couple, in toto, prevent arriving at this hard juncture of life?

Clown me not!

“Beta say the alphabets” ; “Rinni, sing that song you’ve just learnt” ; “Baby show aunty how to do namaste” 

Sounds familiar? Must have looked familiar too since childhood,nah? Since I was kid myself I remember fellow kids were made to do what all they knew, learnt and were good at, to the neighbours, relatives and every one that their parents knew.

This took place in my family too, but quiet rarely,but it happened.

I understand this feeling, now that I’m a parent too…parents do get excited when their kid/s learn something new. They feel happy, proud and satisfied with every new development and of course they want others to feel good about it and praise their kids. Like when a kid starts saying some new words, some new dance steps, some poem or songs or prayers. Parents certainly have the right to feel proud at such moments and why not!

What’s wrong in this? Nothing really, but me being me, something about it doesn’t feel right either!

I’ve a problem when parents want to flaunt these developments in front of each and every guest coming home and/or meeting on the streets.

Okay, maybe sharing the happiness is not that bad but making the kid do all of that, when the kid doesn’t feel interested in it,is something I don’t approve of.

Of course I might be wrong here. But my thought process goes like this: You are happy, great! You want to share it with the world,go ahead. But you want your kid to prove it and do it every time someone’s home, not acceptable!

Your kid is not a clown. The kid is not supposed to entertain the guests by doing the antics even when it doesn’t want to, is all I’m saying.

I’m a 17 months old parent and my daughter too shows lot antics and several baby developments that make me proud and jump in excitement. I quickly pick up the phone and call mamma to share it, when close friends call I tell them too and sometime make Chirpy say few things on the phone to these people. But I make it a point that Chirpy is not made do all the stuff always and for everyone.

Even when talking to ma or close friends, Chirpy isn’t in the mood to say things in the phone that I want her to, I don’t force her. Cause I must respect her choice of saying no! 

When this behavior of mine was noticed in the family, they tagged me arrogant. They say I’m a rude mother, maybe someone full of wrong attitude. I thought I’ll make them understand why I don’t force my child to play ‘clown’ or stop them to insist her, but then I come to think of it in this manner: if they’ve not understood it the first time, they might never understand ever! Period!!!!

All I’ve to say to family and friends is ‘Clown my kid not’