My life has not been easy. I’ve seen a lot in my life and it has been a tough journey for a long time, in the mid years when I was naive and vulnerable. So much so that I wasn’t even aware if I was walking the right path or not. If I was taking right decisions and if I was led by right people, well, on people, maybe I had right people with me but I wasn’t completely sure if the solutions they provided or the paths they chose for me were perfectly right. But I went with the flow and tried to sail hard in crests and troughs of my tough life.
Now when I look back, about 15 years back, I feel nothing for that time. I feel no pain, no ache or no shame either. I don’t feel shy in mentioning or admitting that I had a tough time. Is it because I passed with flying colours? Or is it because I’ve matured in a manner that all that doesn’t matter to me any more? Or maybe because the people who kept going with me in my bad times, the people that I’ve today in my life, knowing everything about me, stand strongest for me, till date?
Whatever the reason, some part of the credit I give to myself. I feel proud to have come out through it all untouched or unblemished. My character, my conscience, my thoughts and my whole being remained the same pure thing that I was made in my childhood. I still follow the values instilled in me and I’ve never deterred from being honest, truthful and just. There’s a lot that I learnt from that long episode of my life, the major part of my teenage life that dawned upon me at the time when I needed most pampering, shouldering and guidance. But since I was chosen to bear the brunt, I took that up as a challenge. I faced it with courage, which by the way I’m not sure came from where, and I was determined to be happy, whatsoever. The first and foremost lesson that I learnt then was “no one has the power to make me unhappy, but me” And till date I believe in it. That said, it doesn’t mean I never feel let down or sad, I do, but the only advantage is I come out of it pretty soon, sooner actually. I see the other sides, brighter sides and acquire peace of mind to analyse the situation in terms of solving the issue and not just mull over it for hours and days!
Secondly, I learnt that “no person is bad, the situation makes him/her act accordingly“. This doesn’t mean everyone around us is an angel. But yes, some or the other way people are forced to behave in certain manner that they do. The situation that they are in, the emotional baggage they are carrying on their heads and in their hearts and the people they are surrounded with play a major part in what they think and do.
Third and very important lesson that I keep close to my heart is “you should own all your decisions, for which you should make yourself capable enough to take all your decisions” This is for the fact that no one should be so much important for you in life that they become a dictator. People should be able to suggest, guide and help you choose but not do the finalization for you or on your behalf. According to my experiences so far, it becomes easy for everyone to keep life sorted out if the decisions are made and owned by oneself. Then there is no blaming and playing dirty games. No asking why you did that and why you did not tell me this.
Last but not the least, I’ve realized that “relationships are very important in our lives and we must give them due credit. They are not to be taken for granted, they are to be cherished! In any relationship, two people are responsible to make it work, it cannot be alive one sided.” Nothing needs to be explained what I feel about this one fact. Relationships are the essence of our lives, go anywhere, be whatever!
Apart from all the above, I’ve come to realize that their lies a power within yourself. To guide you when you feel low, hold your hand when you need the most and lift you when think the whole world has drowned you out. One has to look within, to find peace and solace, to find traces of strength that already exists, to ruffle carve the needed paths for yourself. One is equipped with all the powers one needs to overcome hurdles in life. Moreover, without hurdles, life ain’t nice and all that, trust me. If there are hurdles, there are breakthroughs. If there are hurdles, there is positivism. If there are hurdles, there is strength. If there are hurdles, there is value of peace!
Today, when I look at myself I feel happy. I feel empowered because I survived the major hurdles in my life that could have crushed me under their unfair weight. I feel it is justified that I’ve a peaceful life now, and that I’ve earned it well. I feel well equipped with the knowledge and skills to educate my children to be strong enough to be able to carry themselves in every situation with grace and pride.
Honestly, in my tough times, I never asked Almighty “why me”. Though I always wondered, “why me? am I so capable to take this all?” Maybe this is what kept me going. And I would pray to God to be there with my, in my thick and thin and guide me when I falter!