Those were the days…

Don’t we often say this when we are reminiscing about the old times? And then we also tend to add, those were the “best” days !

I tend to disagree here, I’ll tell you why! The word ‘best’ makes it a disagreement for me. I think all days of our lives are best, if I may say so. Because if we would not have lived those days, these days won’t come and similarly if we don’t live these days to the fullest, our future days won’t come.

For example, today being Children’s Day, I got few forwards which stated “those where the best of our lives.. childhood” I think we can’t say that. These days where we grew up, learnt and starting earning money and status for ourselves are also the good days that have dawned upon us. That’s life, no? We move on, the time moves on our life progresses. If it had been only school days, we would have bored by now, in fact when we were in schools, we always wished to grow up, do things like grow nails, apply nail polishes, go to movies with friends only, celebrate b’days at restaurants, bunk college, not wear uniform etc. So I’m saying we did want to reach to the other stage and the stage thereafter in life.

Then now why do say those were the best days of our lives? Every day, every phase is best phase, if we make it that, I believe!

Life’s like that, we don’t want to be there where we are at that point and then look back or in the future and want to be there. Aren’t we confused? Aren’t we unfair to life, which takes us ahead in time and yet we claim to be happier in the past?

I would like to believe that if at all I was not in this phase of life, I would not have blogged, I would not earned my own money, I would not have made these friends that are there with keeping the old ones too, I would not have married and had such beautiful kids etc.

So I certainly love the times when I was at school, the friends that I had and the life we lived then, but then I’m thankful that I reached here in this time, alive, healthy and still going ahead in life to reach to next phase … getting older is a beautiful thing, for you mature, you grow up from yesterday and you learn more. Isn’t this lovely ?

 

Logic or Need

We all know that everyone thinks differently and has a background which is the base of someone’s thinking and decision making. People have had (bad) experiences based on which they take future decisions and alter their behavior or expectations.

All this is ok, agreed! When it comes to putting your point of view, have you come across some people who start with a normal (healthy) discussion and then seeing that they are losing their point OR unable to present it logically, supported with facts, they just for the “need” of winning, keep arguing, have you seen such people?

I do get irritated, appalled and entertained by such people. I mean debating is fine, presenting your point is ok but unnecessarily arguing for no reason at all is something that doesn’t go well with me. If you have your thoughts assembled and you have logic behind to speak about it, please do. But the moment you realize that your point is invalid and doesn’t hold ground, you should just let it go, or maybe research some more on your point and come back with better preparation, right?

I’m all ears for logical and healthy arguments (oh, wait! is that an oxymoron?) But don’t argue for the sake of winning, for anyhow proving that the other person (who actually has a logic) is wrong. That, in my view, spoils the game! It becomes dirty and things go haywire!

I just hope people would know, everything ain’t about winning!

Weak Or Strong?

I’ve a major confusion here. And a concern too. As far as I know myself, I’m a major emotional (fool!) and get attached to people who ‘claim’ that I’m their closes friend and they love me a lot and are so happy that I came into their lives etc. That said, not everyone in my life, like friends, are like this who only say all this but really mean too-its evident from their behavior and acts!

So the point here is, the moment I come into such zone with a friend/s I’m like totally impressed, get mushy and begin pouring all my love on them and start becoming available for them at once. And they love it too, but after a certain point what happens is my inside demon called ‘expectations’ starts showing its ugly face and haunts my thought process. I feel the way I show and speak out my love to my friends, they must reciprocate in the same manner and amount. They should show me that they feel for me and say it quite often-as I do and show from my behavior! And if things really happened that way, it would be an ideal world, right?

But only fact is, it is not! Having said this, I don’t mean to say  at all that my friends don’t care for me or are not bothered, but I very well understand that like I’ve my own way to do certain things, they have their own. Everyone after all is a different personality based on which one thinks, behaves and acts! And which is perfect, right?

My problem is that I expect and also when I feel that the emotions are not weighing equally or are not flowing in the same manner and amount, I assume that I should stop doing the way I do things. I start telling myself to not be myself, and that’s where the whole Am I right? Am I an emotional fool? debate starts in my head. And it moves on to I feeling weak and foolish about relationships. I’m in my second half of thirties and I think I’ve still not got it sorted out for myself, about the outer relationships saga and how to deal with them. I feel I’m still the same teenager who were confused about which path to take-left or right!

And while I’m kind of dwelling on this thought, the inner stronger and happier me tells me to just let it go and let people be. And it tells me to be strong and not feel low for such tiny things in life when I have better things to concentrate and invest time in.

So this weaker me gets a lecture from this stronger me and at the end of it all I’m all charged up and happy. But every debate and charge-up leaves me with questions-should I change? Can I alter my own person ? Can I stop being who am I? Do I think way too much than I should?

I’m constantly trying to figure out what kind of person should I become so that my mind will be at peace and I’ll not feel emotional or sad or unsorted. Or I should just alter my expectations from relationships and carry on the rest and be happy. I look other people around wherein they are so sorted out and clear about their life and people in them that I’ve never come across them talking about such things. They don’t get affected with what others think or say or feel AND if they feel in the same manner as them. Can I ever become that person ? Is becoming that tough?

K-H-N-H,really!

Last week, I heard a very very bad news. One of my Human Resource group acquaintance committed suicide, she was going through some financial problems and along with her mother and brother, they did this crime! All three succumbed to poison!

Was it so bad that she had to take this step etc. is a separate matter to think through. Or why people like her do what they do, is not in our hands or know!

What made me write about it here is this :

I had met her only twice so far since we were introduced, in our HR networking events and we are a part of HR group on WhatsApp. So this lady had messaged me a month back on WhatsApp, asking me to make some time for she wanted to discuss something with me (related to performance review process, as hinted by her). We did have a brief call too, but we planned to make a proper call and discuss whatever she had to discuss with me, laters.

So then, past one month we kept on “planning” this call of ours. Some times she was not available and other times I was running short of time and last week, I get this ugly news!

I was shocked beyond explanation. My heart stirred. I felt terribly guilty about not talking to her, not making time and not putting efforts for making that call. After this incident took place, I felt terrible! Mighty terrible.

I learnt that the time is today, now. We can’t and should not keep postponing talking to people or attending them. Whatever difference you can make to their lives, in any which way, professionally/personally, you’ve to do it then and there. Now that line really sinks in so well Kya Pata Kal Ho Na Ho!

I really wish I could turn back time and call her once.

Life’s Simple, Keep it that way!

So much happens in everyone’s life. No one is spared from the emotional brawl that one experiences in one’s life. So I’m not an exception too. However, after every such incidence in life, I learn to become stronger. I learn to not repeat the same mistakes, to not expect from people and to stay happy in what I chose to do and accept my decisions.

There are times when you feel low with what has happened in life, for sure. But then its you who has to pull yourself up from the situation and smile! To look forward and not cry on the spilt milk. That’s life is and it goes on, whatsoever!

Being sad and thinking too much about stuff is not good-for health and otherwise too. When you think too much, you basically spoil other relationships and are diverted from your core! When you think too much it spoils what you have in hand, at that moment. You miss the chance to enjoy the moment, the happiness that is in front of you but you miss to see it because your mind is somewhere else!

Be where you are at that moment and just take life in with both your hands. I have come to believe that life is very simple, gifted by god in a pure form, it is us who make it complicated. It is us who twist and turn it and then sit and cry that its broken or lost its shape, which is not fair to life. We shouldn’t blame it, right?

I always tell myself, keep smiling, stay happy and be positive. If you are happy, you’ll spread happiness, if you spread happiness you’ll get more happiness in turn. That’s what the rule is- what goes around, comes around!

Live life happily! Stay good, Stay you!

Food Categories & Options!

We are a pure vegetarian family. However, there is an addition to this. My family, that is my parents (actually only father) and father’s side relatives are a mix. I’ve eaten non vegetarian food since my childhood and continued till a long time, until I met the man of my dreams, my Husby 😉 . The only condition he put forward me before committing was to ask me to convert myself into pure vegetarian, which technically, I should be being a Brahmin.

I considered this a major sacrifice,not. I instantly agreed since his value certainly was much more than eating flesh. And so I became a vegetarian, pure ! I never felt I was missing something in my life.

When we had Chirpy, sometimes in our random conversations it came up whether we want her to be a non-vegetarian or not. I was very clear from the start that I would never tell my daughter to be or not to be a non-vegetarian. My thought process says when you tell someone to not do something all the time, there comes a moment when that someone is tempted to at least try that thing once in his/her life.

Recently, while watching a cookery show with Chirpy, the cook on the screen annouced that he’ll be making a non-vegetarian dish next. On listening to this, Chirpy reacted in this manner, literally

Eww! This is dirty, we don’t eat all this and let’s change the channel

I was shell shocked. I felt bad for the kind of reaction she gave. I wondered why she reacted in this manner and when I dug out for information she told me the source. Apparently, my MIL had sometime back reacted in this manner and she caught that expression and words and repeated it. She being staunch vegetarian and carrying the age old norm of a Brahmin being pure vegetarian etc.

While I would always abide by the commitment that I made to Husby before getting married, I would still not prefer disrespecting someone else’s choice of food. So with the same thought, I made Chirpy understand this:

This is a category of food, called non-vegetarian. There are people who choose to eat it and there are people who don’t eat this category of food. Since this is someone’s food, if not yours, this is a choice that someone has made. And no food deserves to be reacted to as “ew” any given day. It is your choice whether you want to eat it or not, but never ever disregard anyone’s choice or that person for that matter.

Chirpy understood and promised me that she won’t react in the manner that she did earlier. No where in our conversation I told her not to opt for non-veg food. All I told her was our family has made a choice to not eat this category of food. I don’t want to delve in the discussion of being Brahmin  etc and casticising her thoughts right now. So I omitted this detail.

I feel she is very young to be directed and not very young to be directed. If you know what I mean! I want her to know all the options that she can have, what we as a family follow and what she as an individual wants to opt for. I want her to know, think and choose accordingly. Though, this is the only place where I and Husby don’t agree with each other. He is obviously not of the view to ‘allow’ her to eat non-veg but that’s okay. That’s his thought and choice to bring his daughter up 🙂

Don’t you get tired…

of judging people? Of assuming the other side without knowing the facts & figures? Of making assumptions of the situation as is? Of making weird comments and passing judgements on others’ decisions?

I’ve no intention to clarify anything to people who plainly judge others on the face of it. I dislike judging and assuming things on my own without knowing the entire thing and I make sure I’m not doing that, whatsoever. Unknowingly, if I tend to judge, I stop myself immediately and remind that “boss, there must be a situation at other’s end which you don’t know, so stop your imaginations and do better things in life!”

While I can tell myself such things, there is no way I can control the way people think. It irks me, tickles my funny bone and makes me shake my head in sheer disappointment that how low people can get down to just judge others. Really? Don’t they get tired of doing the same things time and again ?

Anyway, the reason for this post, at this moment is just to vent out what I went through this pregnancy and it also brought back some old memories. And you know, writing is one of the ways to take it out of your system and calm down. Moreover, it will give (handful of) my readers a good laugh to know the (low) thinking capabilities of people out there 🙂

I drove to work today, when in my 9th month of pregnancy. People’s reaction “Haww, what a husband, he doesn’t care and let her drive in this state”. 

My side: First of all get this straight, I’m pregnant, not sick to be dependant on others. Yes, being pregnant means being careful but not dependant as long as my state permits me to do my own things, please note! Secondly, I’ve been driven by my husband since a month now and he has done all that it takes to adjust his work life to suit mine and support me in my work timings, where were you when he did this so far, why didn’t you comment then to appreciate him? Thirdly, why today I had to drive because there is a reason: He had to pick our daughter from school and the timings coincided, sometimes you’ve to make choices and adjust routines, we just did that, nothing more to it, no melodrama where in my husband is cruel and making me suffer through my “tough” times etc, ok?

We conceived Chirpy after 5 years of our marriage. People’s reaction “Are you guys having some issues conceiving? I know a specialist, go meet her. Don’t you think 5 years is too long to have kids after marriage? Does this long gap mean you will have only one child? Are you not going to have any kids?

My side: Ladies, this is none of your business, our marriage, our relationship, our prerogative to have kids and decide when to have them. Whether we choose to have a child or not, depends on us. Whether we have issues or not, our problem. Thanks for being over concerned for us, but no thanks, we will approach you if need be, right now just buzz off! I don’t know how many people know or even after knowing how many people think logically, I enrolled myself for an MBA post my marriage. That’s how we had planned it and that’s why we had agreed to get married earlier that we wanted to, family wish and all that. So I studied full time MBA, worked for a while and then I decided to take a break from work to make babies! Whether our planning was wrong or not, let us decide and see for ourselves! We are wise enough and educated enough to make our own choices!!

I delivered Chirpy via C-section process. People’s reaction “What? C-sec, oh o! Motherhood is incomplete without birthing vaginally. Poor Chirpy!”

My side: What? Are you kidding me? Just because I delivered Chirpy via getting operated and not “normally” I’m a less of a mother to her? Wow, what a theory, from where did it come from, Please share the source! What actually happened during the delivery is unimaginable. I was in labour for almost 20 hours and finally my water broke which led the doctors and us to take a decision. Mine and my baby’s safety was utmost important rather than worrying about how much mother would I remain upon being operated! I guess that’s the whole point, I’ve heard people emphasizing on their wives/daughters-in-law delivering vaginally and wait until the last moment, sometimes even risking the woman’s life. How fair is that? I think birthing is a process to bring happiness and new life to the world and not increasing risks and failures to families and new mothers!

Its my last month of pregnancy and I’m still going to office. People’s reaction “What? Are you crazy? You should sit at home and relax.What kind of MIL it is? She doesn’t guide on this front? Husbands lets your step out? 

My side: I’ll repeat my logic here. I’m pregnant, not sick. I’m enjoying my life, my time and I’m comfortable. I’m thankful to my husband and MIL of being supportive of my decisions and not enforcing me to do anything that I don’t wish to. My MIL puts in extra efforts to ensure I’m not doing a single task at home, howsoever I would want to do little things. My husband is my partner in my sleepless nights, and in the morning does all the chores related to my 4 years old to send her off to school etc. Moreover, my doctor is supportive of the fact that as long as I can easily live normal life, I should continue without breaking the routine. If I can go to work I should, if I can drive without any hassles, I must. So what else do I want? Being pregnant and living a normal life, ain’t that a great state to be in? So what’s there to complain?

I enrolled myself to a full-time MBA course after marriage. People’s reaction: The entire anecdote is written here, interested may hop over !

Well, there are so many things that I’ve heard and have been judged about. Can’t write them all here. Not worth and very tiring basically! But anyway I feel good having written all these. Taken out of my head 🙂

 

PIKU : A Mold Breaker

PIKU a movie which I think is a must watch for everyone. It is a kind of movie which you really want to see and enjoy. The concepts are far more better than regular commercial movies. That said, I’m not denying the fact that commercial movies should not be made or are useless. But let’s get this straight, those movies are stereotypical and for entertainment only. Movies like PIKU are food for thought, they get inside your head and make you think and above all entertain you simultaneously and when it ends you still are light headed and not burdened with the concepts shown in. I think that’s a package worth spending your precious money in watching a movie in multiplex!

It is evident that I’m in love with this movie. The characters did 100% justice to their roles and the director has given them space to perform, to be them!

Some things are worth mentioning here : Apart from the entire movie and the concept, the best part was when Piku says “my father has prepared me that much, for me to handle all alone” loved this ending to a fabulous story which otherwise would have been spoilt if the end was something else.

The whole concept of the movie was women liberation, independence, her choices and her own space. I loved the way Bhashkor Banerjee kept saying “a woman marrying without purpose is low IQ”. “She is not made to cook and clean for the husband and be available for sex”. The father himself advocating for an independent life for his daughter is kind of breaking the mold big time in a society like ours, where father (& mother) are the first one’s to think (read: forced to think) that daughters are burden on them and should be married off asap!

Rana Choudhary, another classic character that this movie produced. He fell for Piku but did not force his feelings on her even after knowing that she is very much reciprocating. As a typical Indian mentality male he could have coaxed her, saying she can’t handle her life all alone and they should get married. Instead, he kept things stress free, open and let the relationship be. I think to take this stand and sticking to it is very important in a relationship and is rarely seen being done by a man!

PIKU is a fresh breath of air for our culture. It is a mold breaker and not a film who’s agenda is to entertain only! Certainly a must watch !

I’m not Shy, I’m just Pregnant!

From so many other questions that are being asked normally, very frequently, I’ve one to ask myself. Is being pregnant a crime? Now, let me tell you more about this question and why it has arisen in my mind.

I’m talking about the time when  a woman starts showing. She is very much visibly pregnant, at this stage even if she feels shy or wants to hide it from the world, she cannot. So, at this stage, why people talk in hush hush tones about a lady being pregnant? It is a good news, a good deed, a phase to enjoy and celebrate, what’s there to hide or be shy about, I ask, especially when the woman herself is open about it!

I’m in my last trimester, and very well showing, of course, so much so that even little children notice that I’m roundly bloated 🙂 I’m not going crazy over this fact and not telling everyone that meet that “I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant” but I’m not shying away from saying a yes if someone’s coming and asking me. To my team and direct aligned colleagues, I announced on my own and that too very early.

So now it is very clearly obvious that I’m expecting. Recently, an employee came to me to talk about something. We spoke about the concerned issue and while going, she asked, coming slightly close to me and in a hush voice “are you pregnant?”. First I could not hear her properly, but I guessed what she was saying, and I asked her to repeat and she did, in the same manner, the same hush tone. To that I replied in a very normal, audible tone “Yes, I’m and there is nothing to hide about it 🙂 ” She felt so embarrassed on hearing my voice level, looked here and there and said “okay I’ll go!”

This was done by couple of more employees too, in last few days. I don’t get it, really. What’s there to feel shy of or embarrassed about or not talk normally about it? If you have guts to be curious about me being pregnant you  might as well have the guts to come and talk to me normally on that, no?

Secondly, I’m not trying to hide or shying away from this fact, then why are you? If there is anyone who would be trying to hide it, it should be me, not you, right? And when you can see I’m basking in the glory of being a second time pregnant woman and feeling proud of this fact, then there is no point in you to feel shy about it, period!

Pregnancy is a very private matter. Some are enthusiastic about and some are not. Some openly declare some feel it is not right. Whatsoever it is, it is very personal choice, right from getting pregnant to declaring it to the world. So if someone chooses to declare it, be it, what’s wrong in that and vice versa.

For me it is like being on top of world. I won’t go on telling everyone but if someone comes to know, I’ll not make a hue and cry about it. I believe everything happens for a reason. If people know, they know for a reason, and if you choose to not tell them, that is again for a reason, for sure.

All I’m saying is when it is visible, there is nothing to hide or feel odd about, especially to others!!!!!

 

To Each His Own

Few days back I was talking to one of my colleagues about driving & traffic. Now let me tell you I enjoy driving very much even if there is a lot of traffic. Reason being nothing, I just love driving.

This colleague was in fact with me to some place we were going. He was on passenger seat and I was driving. Some nonsensical drivers, whom you can find in every city & street, crossed my path and I just let it go like that. This is the conversation we had:

My colleague: What the hell, and you are not irritated at all?

I said: No, what’s there to get irritated about? I know such drivers exist and they are reality. I’ve accepted it and I’m careful in my driving, I think that’s simple.

My colleague: Yeah we know such drivers do exist but you didn’t even mutter any cuss word or you didn’t frown or are not upset at all, that’s surprising!

I said: Yeah, maybe that’s surprising but that’s what I’m!

My colleague: But without using any cuss word there is no fun in driving!!

I said: Hahah, I think differently 🙂

So basically, I’ve heard this type of statement earlier also from other fellow drivers. But the whole point here is, I just don’t feel like cursing anyone even if they are at mistake. Yes, I do feel sad to see the jinxed traffic rules of our city, the blatant blindness to traffic signals by two-wheel riders but then I can’t do much about it, this is as much fact as it could be. So instead of boiling my blood everyday, I prefer enjoying my drive by ignoring and listening to beautiful songs. As it is by cursing someone is not going to change that someone in anywhich way, so why badmouth anyone?

While driving, music is my soul mate. I love music and I’ve at least 3-4 CDs of my fav collection always in the car to come handy! What else do I need? I almost take 15-20 mins one way to reach office on an average. I take it as my me time, to ponder, to remember things and to be happy listening to my fav music. I think this is the best time one can spend with self, no?

Moreover, to each his own. Your style is to badmouth and feel good my style is to ignore and feel good 🙂 Let’s not tell each other that your drive is not worth if you are not cursing someone! 

Peace.