K-H-N-H,really!

Last week, I heard a very very bad news. One of my Human Resource group acquaintance committed suicide, she was going through some financial problems and along with her mother and brother, they did this crime! All three succumbed to poison!

Was it so bad that she had to take this step etc. is a separate matter to think through. Or why people like her do what they do, is not in our hands or know!

What made me write about it here is this :

I had met her only twice so far since we were introduced, in our HR networking events and we are a part of HR group on WhatsApp. So this lady had messaged me a month back on WhatsApp, asking me to make some time for she wanted to discuss something with me (related to performance review process, as hinted by her). We did have a brief call too, but we planned to make a proper call and discuss whatever she had to discuss with me, laters.

So then, past one month we kept on “planning” this call of ours. Some times she was not available and other times I was running short of time and last week, I get this ugly news!

I was shocked beyond explanation. My heart stirred. I felt terribly guilty about not talking to her, not making time and not putting efforts for making that call. After this incident took place, I felt terrible! Mighty terrible.

I learnt that the time is today, now. We can’t and should not keep postponing talking to people or attending them. Whatever difference you can make to their lives, in any which way, professionally/personally, you’ve to do it then and there. Now that line really sinks in so well Kya Pata Kal Ho Na Ho!

I really wish I could turn back time and call her once.

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Blabber Jabber

After all, such posts are so so important and have their own place in blogathon, right? You know the kind of post where you’ve so much on your mind and plenty on your plate but no time on your watch ? Ha!

Today is that day, I want to write, because I’ve committed, but I don’t have time because I’m loaded!!! (wah, how poetically correct I’ve written!)

So work has picked up in new office and life’s moving ahead with speed. I love being busy, having a hectic schedule and running around to manage time and achieve! That’s the kind of person I’m professionally. Last one month I literally had this “honeymoon” period where supposedly people don’t come out of their rooms, in fact beds! 😛

New work place is good and my boss here is awesome, so far, I mean! After all its just 2 months that I’m here . So I don’t want to spoil it all too early! However, before judging any workplace I think at least 1 year’s time should be given to the Company as well as the boss to prove themselves, in the meanwhile you do your job too! So both sides its fair for people to analyse at the end of it all if the fitment exists!

So far I think I’m rightly fit here and will be happy in future too. My last post about leaving this full time job/career, is still running hot in my mind and I’m at it. So even at this new job, I’ve decided to at least spend 1 year and set all the things up for them before I say bye bye! Because I don’t want to leave them in the midst and say ‘I don’t care’, not fair to them, right?

So work’s picked up, I’m busy and I’m loving it here. I’ve got a cabin, which by the way I don’t like cause cabins are like boundaries between people which I hate. I’m constantly talking to my boss and trying to convince him to have me seated somewhere in the bay, out in open with a little secluded space of my own without door and walls, but alas, the senior HR position and all that drama attached to it is taking a toll on me,sigh! I miss my old office space, it was a semi cabin and open and huge AND with a nice beeg window by my seat. I loved it and it was my haven!

In the other news, Sibby darling has started walking and he and his sister are like house on fire. They rock man, they are a sight to see. Sibby has understood that Chirpy is his play mate and that they can do mischief together. He’s so possessive of his sister already, that even a little raise in my voice for her, makes him glare at me like the next moment he’ll give me a big lecture about how not to say anything bad/scold his sister! But this is cute, no? Ultra cute 🙂

Husby dear is extensively traveling this month and a little over next month too, I hate when is he’s not around and that too so much! for a week is like too much for me to function without him 😦 I’m so so used to him being around!

Anyway, that’s my  life at this moment. I’m reading the 4th book of Clifton Series by Jeffery Archer. Anything that you are reading right now ? Anything interesting that you want to recommend ?

High Voltage Planning

Ha, don’t go by the post title, you are not going to find anything juicy or spicy in this post to savor !

Oh before I forget, I just finished reading the third book of Clifton Series by Jeffrey Archer! God only knows how slow I’ve got in reading a tiny book (300 odd pages!) Anyway, since I finished the book after 3 months now (!) it needed a mention (and a pat on my back) 😉

So coming back to the high voltage planning thing. The point here is my ideal kind of mother is who picks her kids from school, drops them to their extra curricular sessions, reads in between while waiting for them to finish their sessions and finds some time in all this chaos for catching up with her girl friends and then is all available for her own self/husband to do whatever she wishes and loves to do 🙂

So for me, this is the mother I’ve always wanted to become in my life unlike now, where I’m least seen in my kids’ life in the week..oh wait I’ve a word for my kind of mother-I’m a Weekender Mom! Yeah, right, I’m that. Not that I don’t love my kids and blah blah.. I just love being myself and I cherish working in corporate world, that’s the whole point!

So while I’m (still) in this dilemma of whether to quit this full-time -attention-demanding job or not, I think I’m balancing it quiet well at both ends, or so I think!

But really, when I think deep, I really want to quit this full time job, do only a little amount of work (to utilize my education and maintain my sanity) and give rest of the time to myself and kids and family and everything else! So you ask where’s the problem, when I know what I want so why don’t I just grab it? That’s the whole problem I say.. I know what I want, I know how to reach there and get it BUT (yeah, these buts are always ther,duh!) I also know, how a person like me will react once I’ve got what I’d wanted!

I will feel empty when both my kids will leave for school and for their activities, when my husband will leave for his full time job, so its then that I’ll look at myself and say look what you’ve done to yourself, you’ve nothing to do and no where to go, tsk tsk! This you see? I fear this, I fear being in that place, I fear losing my position in my own eyes, I fear not having a schedule at hand, I fear emptiness!

This fear is holding me back, I’m unable to take that plunge. I don’t know if I would fair well if I break the boundaries. I don’t know if I’ll be sane if I start doing nothing! I know for the fact that being a homemaker is a big job at hand which is not everyone’s cup of tea, just on the outside it looks like sitting at home and doing nothing but in reality it takes a lot to run around people and manage the home!

I’ve always felt that being at office is much easier as compared to being at home, at office I’ve things and people at my beck and call and I mostly don’t have to lift my finger to get things done (apart from typing constantly on computer and placating cribbing employees!) Whereas, being at home is like doing the mental math and Science drawings at the same time, you know what I mean ?

And its evident from past 12+ years that I love working in office, I love having a schedule and a very busy at that, I love being around people all the time with new tasks and problems at hand, I love all this! So, when you love something so much, where do you begin to leave that behind ? Because in my case, I’m in love with what I do yet I yearn to be at other side which looks pretty attractive too!

Is this being greedy and indecisive and all such things in life? But anyway, today when I was getting ready for work, I thought of lot of my friends who have given up their full time sassy jobs for one or the other reasons and are now full time/part time mums and doing something they love and found their peace in it. So, that’s not really difficult, right? You certainly make some sacrifices, but that you make in corporate world too when you own a full time job, no?

So nothing is 100% perfect and beautiful, I’ll have to take that step and be brave to move ahead on the path I really want to walk on. I will need to be courageous, compromising with certain things in life and making peace with what I chose by not looking back and cribbing!

I need to plan step by step to do this and I’m starting today… this post here shall help me, if at all I stumble and get confused, I want to write down what I intend to do and how I intend to take things ahead… but this time I really want to move ahead in life this way..

Dear Sibby-Your Kiss-y Mother

Dear Sibby,

Hope you are doing good,in this world of ours! Have we been too clingy to you?Too sticky? Cause I feel so 😉 not that I regret it or will stop kissing you time and again! I know we, especially I, keep hovering around you, kissing you and cuddling you all the time. I so love that feeling, your baby smell, your soft skin against my cheeks, I just love holding you! Even Chirpy is so fond of you, she has a fixed routine-the moment she wakes up in the morning, she’ll come and kiss you, back from school, she’ll kiss you, going to play in the evening, will kiss you, coming home from outside, certainly will kiss you.. haha, she is really really fond of you! And your Dadda? Don’t even get me started here. He’s softer than me at heart when it comes to his kids. He can’t be strict to either of you, he can’t say no and he can’t lay down rules for you both! Sigh, all the tough part is to be played by me, you getting my point?

Sibby, its been 15 months since you’ve come in to our lives. I’ve felt so special, yet again. They say mothering each child is a different experience in itself and I so agree with this. I’ll be honest, as always, I feel closer to you, much connected with you as compared to what I felt at the first time. Your Didu and I share a strong bond, she is growing up to be an assertive girl having her own mind and thoughts but my bond with you is a little different than that, I feel so! Something between us is different, is special and I’m overwhelmed by it all!

But now that you are growing up I miss how you loved sleeping on my chest. You felt cozy and I felt warm! You insisted that at least once in the day I let you sleep on me, and then I should not put you down, at all! You know what, even I dislike that 😉 when you sleep on me I fall asleep myself. We are a sight to watch, your Deda tells me! There were several nights when we’ve slept just like that for hours and hours and I never felt tired!

You struggle to get out of my tug now, you know if I get hold of you, I’ll squeeze you too much, you’ve understood the show of my love and you act smart now! But the first thing in the morning you do is, look at my face and give a big broad smile, every morning, without fail! All these little somethings are going to remain in my memory forever, you might grow up and forget these, for me these are my treasures!

You are my sunshine, my lifeline. I have given you so many names, sometimes I also forget what I called you yesterday, but you my cutie pie, you just respond to every name that I pronounce, you turn your head upon listening to my voice, but the next moment you just shake your head in a deep NO and run away 🙂 Hahahaha as if you understand that I’m going to catch you and squeeze you 😛  This is our game, you love it and i yearn for it 🙂

I know I’ve not written you much but I’ll make up for it, I’ll write to you because more than you its for me. When you and your didi fly away from our nest, its for us to sit and read these letters which will be like throwbacks !

Love you meri jaan,

Yours Aai

That Ugly Moment

I’ve been in love with you for 15 years now! Long time, yes it is. And the love only grows stronger with every passing year. Beyond love, its the habitat that we’ve created together, that I cannot imagine living away from. I think its not only us, its with normally all the couples, who spend longer time in the relationship, they tend to get so so used to each other that even a moment’s silence is a killer!

We have love between us, we have patience, we have understanding and we crack stupid jokes to only laugh hard on them ourselves. We’ve our silly days, we have our mushy days and then how can we skip having our rough days? After all these rough days only complete the relationship, right?

But obviously, I hate these moments between us. However, far and apart they are, I dislike them. That being said, and at the risk of being tagged as mean wifey 😉 I’ve to say that these ugly moments actually end up in we making up hard for the lost precious ones 🙂 we are back with much love and care, we resolve quickly because within few hours we realize that this is disastrous-not talking to each other is so not cool! Normally, its you who comes down to me, although you don’t say sorry and all that, but you do try to normalize things and I like my own self try to show off my attitude as if I don’t care types and ultimately we end up laughing at this silly drama 🙂

So we just had one such ugly moment yesterday and boy, it was bad, rough! Yesterday from the magnitude of it all looked like we are at least not going to talk to each other for 1 week! Whaat? Did someone just say 1 week? ha! Today we’re off for a moive together and back to talking, we are jokers, I tell you 🙂 We don’t know how to even fight and survive it 🙂

What’s your fight story? I’m sure you guys do fight, right? Everyone does, that’s the spice of life (cliched yet true) !!!!!!

C for Consistency!

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The toughest thing to conquer in my life is : Consistency!

I’m amazed with the dedication I can be inconsistent at things. I don’t have to put efforts, at all and I will be easily inconsistent, before even I know! How beautiful is it, no?

You know I’m a little confused personality, no by this I don’t mean I’m confused in life, I mean that as a personality I’m very confusing! (that’s the correct way to put it!) . Why do I say this? I’ll tell you,

As a person I’m very very organized, particular and severely suffer from OCD-when it comes to work, managing home and organizing things.

As a person I’m very very lazy, disorganized and not at all particular and suffer from severe procrastination syndrome-when it comes to my own self!

So if you had to look at me and judge me psychologically, what would you say ? Crazy! Exactly, that’s what I’m.

When it comes to work or home, I’m so particular, I can not sleep before things are kept at their right places, kitchen platform is cleaned, utensils at their right places in right manner, my work desk looks like I’ve never sat there or worked, my papers are neatly labelled and stacked, my drawers at work and at home are properly arranged, all our clothes  ( yes I do this for all 4 of us!) are organized color wise and what not! You get the drift, right? So I’m consistent here, totally and 100%!

When it comes to reading, exercising, eyebrow threading or hair cuts and pedicures? Ah, you got it before I even said it 🙂 I’m like “who cares!” which actually is not right, cause these things, esp. exercising does matter, sigh! So I’m royally inconsistent here, without a nerve or muscle of regret which irks me so much so that I sometimes feel I’m two persons in one body!

Scary enough, no ? But the fact remains, I’m superbly inconsistent and I hate that about myself 😦

Gorgeousness

When you log into FB or any other regular site for that matter, all you get as notifications is the recent online shopping carts that you’ve viewed/edited OR Bollywood news etc.

Off late, pregnant actors are in lot of news, not only because they are pregnant (as if they’ve don’e something really really different from the world!) but because how they carry themselves in public in their pregnancy!

I recently checked a link which talked about Kareena Kapoor Khan and how glamorously she’s carrying herself in her pregnancy period.. I’ve to admit, I loved her looks, the ease and her style 🙂

When I was preggers with both my kids, people used to give me those compliments-especially carrying the pregnancy with elan and ease! And I did experience the same, it was so easy to walk around with the baby inside you, gave me a feeling of something that I’m unable to put in words. All I can say is it was wonderful, lovely to be pregnant. Thankfully, both my pregnancies, I never experienced morning sickness, not even for a day. There was no aversion for any kind of food. All I did was eat merrily and live my life normally, like literally!

While I was pregnant with Chirpy, I was on work break, so I had nothing much to do in the day or no specific routine. I lazed around, met friends, watched movies, slept and did lot of cooking 🙂

While I was pregnant with Sibby, I was very much working, in a very important position and loaded with work, which I enjoyed very much and to tell you the fact I went to the office until previous day of my delivery 🙂 And there was not an ounce of fatigue or tiredness inside me…

Needless to say, I miss my pregnant days, I loved them dearly! I guess happy pregnancies make a woman look happy and beautiful. The gorgeousness comes through naturally, yeah ?

So when I looked at Kareena’s pictures, I remembered my good old days 🙂 Haha, can’t believe now I’m saying good old days, as if my kids are like teenagers 😉

Check Kareena here, I’m sure you’ll love the gorgeous lady too!

Is this me, really ?

You know there are times when you say or do something that later you realize was so not your type? Does this often happen to you ? Well, it surely happens to me, if not a lot, but very regularly.

And it is only in terms of saying or doing bad things, sometimes its also about good things. And then you look back and realize you are capable of doing such nice things too, surprised because you never thought of doing it or never said it!

Just couple of days back while driving back from work, at a traffic signal there was this balloon vendor, a boy not more than 15 years old, he looked me in the eye and kind of pleaded to buy the balloon/s. I initially thought only from Chirpy’s perspective and thought oh we just bought her a balloon the other day and its still lying somewhere in the house..so we don’t need one right away, maybe some other time dude, and I looked elsewhere. Thanks to the signal length, I was there for almost 2 mins, which gave me time to re-think on my decision. I again looked at the guy, who somehow had got stuck to selling the balloon/s to me, i rolled down the glass and asked him how much is he selling one for, he said Rs.10 and if I buy two he’d give me for Rs. 15. I was like, for that one quick second said, areh yarr, give 2 for Rs. 10 and something inside me kind of literally hit me hard. Within a fraction of second I said Ok I’ll buy, but the signal turned to green light and I had to proceed, but I signalled him to meet me at the other side of the signal and you should have seen the way he ran, to reach to the other side, before I reached and ensured that i don’t just drive away without buying, the look in his eyes, while he looked back twice to confirm whether I was still behind him, the expressions on his face stating how happy he was with the thought that he would earn some money… I was moved, beyond any expression!

The moment I reached to the other side, I bought two balloons and without any discussion gave him Rs. 20. He smiled at me and I got my deepest “Thank You” from him! I would never forget that look on his face, the smile on his lips and the gratitude in his eyes!

I just reminded myself that when I can shop in big stores without blinking an eye at the prices or without a slightest thought of bargaining, then why should I bargain with a person who is not only selling the goods on road but his sweat and blood too with all honesty!

I loved myself very much that day, I made a promise to myself, to not bargain with street vendors like him and especially definitely not for such petty money!

So good things or bad, there are times when you are reminded of being you, the you that might be hiding somewhere behind you and then you tend to ask, was it me, really? 🙂

T for Time

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

So this post is for T for Time, making time for things that I love to do, things that I feel that I was born (yeah yeah, cliched and all that!)

When I checked the last post date on this blog, it was in September and today we are in November, exactly almost 2 months later. This blog has been eating dust, lying around like lazies and the owner, that is me, is not at all bothered of my child which I gave birth to with all enthusiasm when I most needed it and now when this child of mine needs me, I’m royally ignoring it, how nice of me is that?

So, no matter how long and serious enough I thought of writing on this blog, I acted like one crazy lazy bum and never kind of paid heed to actually setting the priorities right. So what brought me to write this post here, today?

Well, you can say it takes super crazy blogger friends for me to pick up my bum, do some jig and give my fingers some exercise by taking up NaBloPoMo November challenge with my girls’ gang!

You can check them out here, yeah call me lazy, that toh I’m, very much! So here’s the list of blogs that are going to be up and shining for you readers to read every day with smashing new posts 🙂 All thanks to the one lady who managed to pull all of us together in this madness, Swaram!

So along with writing on blog, I have to also tell myself to start, actually re-start, reading. I feel shameful to admit that I had given up on reading in past few months. This year has been disastrous in terms of reading, only 8 books so far, what was I doing for 10 months in 2016, I’ve no clue whatsoever!

I feel sad when I look back and have nothing to cherish when it comes to books. They’ve always had special place in my life and even after that I managed to send them to the back seat where they really don’t deserve to be! That said, this didn’t stop my from buying books, I did buy a lot of them this year, but again only buying in loading the library for no reason is not good, right?

I know this is not the time for new year resolutions but I’m going to make 1 today, right now.

I will make time to read and write!

and this is not because I must because I’ve so many books or because I’ve this blog, but really, because I want to do it, from the bottom of my heart! Writing is therapeutic, I feel saner when I write what I’m feeling, be it bad or good. Reading, I don’t need to express what it feels to read a good book and have it settle down in your mind, where it stays with you!

I want to be me again, somewhere in the race of life, I’m losing myself by not devoting time for myself. Not that anyone’s restricting or there are any boundaries, just that I’ve become lazy, sheer lazy to get up move it!

So, yes, T is for Time, making time for things I love-Reading and Writing!

 

 

R for Reading

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Reading is something that came to me naturally. Those of who know me now, think I’ve been like this forever, an avid reader. Those of who know me from my childhood, can vouch that I was never ever inclined towards books for reading per say. So then how come these two impressions of the same person ?

In school, we had this designated ‘library period’ where in we were to read book/s in the library and also get one issued to read at home. God only knows how I felt in that one hour… It was like a torture for me to spend midst the books! On the other hand my friends really enjoyed that period and they drowned in the books of their choice. I always used to wonder what pleasure do they exactly get out of reading something? For me watching stories was a better choice or even better was to play games like kabbaddi, gend tadi, lagori and the likes.

By the way, I come from a family where my (maternal) grand parents are read-o-holics. They are people of Reader’s Digest, Daphne De Maurier, Jane Asuten etc. you can imagine the kind of books that we have at home (their home!).

Having such legendary readers in the family, I still never picked up reading. My parents too read a lot. But it never came to me or should I say they never passed it on to me? 😉

So this ‘I don’t like reading’ continued the early school days. Not that I pledged I’ll never read or this is not my cup of tea. But I never gave it a thought is very appropriate. My parents never pressurized me too. That said, I did read comic editions like Chacha Chourdhary, Pinki, Billu, Channi Chachi etc. But not books, novels!

Then came this day, I was in 10th (I think so or 9th (?)!) something inside me pushed me to pick the novel that was kept at my father’s side table. I don’t know how but I just picked it up and started reading and to everyone’s amazement I kept on reading it without having felt the need of keeping the book down. Surprisingly, I finished the book and was zapped! Zapped at something that had just happened. I had read a book, non stop!

That was some experience! I still remember to have felt so so good to have read a book. It felt like I’ve been brought in the world of normals from the world where people were missing something really really beautiful!

The book that I read was Sydney Sheldon’s. I got hooked to his writing. And not only that I got hooked to the idea of reading, to have books around you, to get immersed in them and roam the world without traveling a bit! It was a fantastic feeling. My reading journey started and that was the moment I had realized why my grand parents have a library at home, whereas earlier I thought libraries are supposed to be at schools!

I start borrowing books from my grand parents and they were more than happy to lend me their prized collection! Just to add here, till date from all their grand children, I’m the only one who is a read-o-holic now, not like them maybe, but kind of them 🙂 And they take so much pride in it, they tell my siblings and cousins to start reading be like Didi (me!)

Since then, I started collecting my own books, with a dream to have my own library at home too. And today, I’ve one however smaller it is, but it is there and growing!

So reading came late to me but it came naturally, without anyone really telling me to pick the book! I was never lectured of the benefits of reading or how books could be my best friends et al. I see lot of parents do this to coax their kids to love books! I think book loving really has to come naturally. One can only introduce books and to inculcate the reading habit, assist and be present with the kids. But beyond that, nothing more! If a child has to love it, it will anyhow.

Reading not only got me books but this reading habit got me to blogging too and today I’ve so many lovely blogs at my fingertips to read. My travels became more interesting with at least one book in the back pack. My waits in long queues or at restaurants became manageable for I had a book in my hand. I stopped feeling alone while I was using public transport to commute in Mumbai. Staying at home and let parents attend a relatives’ relative’s wedding was a boon 🙂

I’m happy I read, I feel proud to be a reader 🙂