Don’t know what is love, but I’m sure I’m getting in it deeper…

Husby was away for 3 nights and 2 days on tour. It is on events like these I realize, every time, how much I want him in my life, all the time. That he is the love of my life! You know if you are really asked to respond to a question “what is love?”  I’m not sure if I know the ‘answer’ to it! But such days really tell me that my love for him is deeper than I can ever put in words. Love is something that makes you want to be with that person, care for that person and you always wish good for him/her. I think that’s love! That someone special, with whom you want to spend your life with, and when I say spend life it is not by days and dates, I mean by moments! Even if those are moments of weakness, fights or tribulations. I think spending all your moments with that person makes him/her an integral part of your life and that’s where love takes place. Husby, a person who is pure by heart, strict by principles and reserved by nature, is the closest person I have in my life today. We’ve been through so much in life together, 14 years is not a joke, is it! We have seen each other in our ugly times, our good times and our best times and we’ve stuck to each other till date. They say any marriage that lasts for 10 years is certainly going to run for a lifetime! And this year we’ve reached the 10th mark of our married life. Soon we will celebrate our 10th marriage anniversary, the official 10 years of togetherness. How soon the time flew. I don’t even want to look back, because I can gauge what we did all these years from the today that we have created for ourselves and it is wonderful. With all the ups and downs, it is very beautiful ! I’m an emotional person, to an extent that I can cry at the drop of an hat, and it is not about feeling close to someone, it is in the case of even watching movies or listening to someone else’s story or even reading stories. I can cry easily. But on the contrary, I’m a tough and practical person in my core. Now I can’t explain that, only I know that I’m this person! I’m whimsical, random and moody. But one thing is for sure, I’m good at heart. I can never wish anyone ill or I can’t hurt anyone and I feel proud of this particular characteristic of mine. But the randomness, the instability and the moody me, Husby has taken it all. He has given me that comfort of letting me be me, he brought stability in my life and he never tried to change me, whatsoever, he never told me to not do or do certain things. I think this is what is love for him? To love me the way I’m? To let me be the person I’ve been all this while? Well, anyway, this is not about what is love. I just wanted to record here, for my own sake, for reading in future, that how I miss him when he is not around. How much I realize the love is getting deeper by the year, how much he is needed in my life for everything! I can’t imagine a life without his companionship, his love and his whole being!

Advertisements

…when the heart simply wants to be MUSHY :)

We’ve had very bad fights.We really are very very different. Poles apart would be a right thing to describe us, yet we are in a relationship since more than a decade now. We produced a beautiful child which is an apple of our eyes. She is our world and we revolve round her.

I feel really depressed, heavily sad at times when we are cross at each other. Primarily, because there are few things that I don’t approve in you, some of your thoughts, your concepts and behaviours. But that is true vice versa too. And that’s how it is between two people, between husband and wife.

Times of our fights are the times when I really tend to think what the hell is wrong with you. How insensitive you’ve becomes towards certain things. What do I do to change you etc. But when I calm down, my mind tells me, its the person you are that I fell in love with. That I decided to marry and take vows. That I feel proud my child has you as her father. So what if there are differences, they add spice to our lives, we bounce back in all mush and it kind of gives us a break from our routine and gives an excuse to celebrate our patch up.

Little fights, big arguments, light banters are so part of our relationship. And the mix of it is all what makes it what it is today for 14 years. Can you believe we know each other for that long now? I certainly don’t know how these years went by. Flew, actually. And there is yet so much to witness.

We’ve our dreams to come true. We’ve our second bub to come in this world. We’ve long parenting years and support each other in the drill. We’ve to watch so many movies, chat non stop late nights, have reading races like kids, have arguments to make for silly things, patch up with a kiss and hug each tight for no reasons, not talk for couple of days in a row, accuse each other for nothing, have each other to fall back in bad times, worry about our future as parents of teenage children, travel the world & explore, basically, we have so much remaining to do in our lives that we can’t afford to let the moments pass by just like that. There is so much to do which is going to be exciting.

I don’t want to think how my life would be without you, this is very hypothetical and no use in thinking that. Instead, I’m thinking what my life is with you in it and if I’ve to sum up, it is the you and me that makes prettier for both of us in this relationship. The best is I have you and you have me, the best it could be!

So what I’m saying is I love you for what you are with a little disagreement with some part of you 😉

 

2/30 Letters : Letter to My Crush

Dear M,

We met long back from now, almost 18 years back! Ha, such a long journey, hahaha! Mesmerizing to look back on this today… 

We met in a very filmy manner. Me and my cousins on one side of the joote do paise lo fight and you and your cousins on the other, superior side of it! You guys bargained very hard with us girls ( but finally we won! 😉 ) and that’s where we interacted first time. Later in the last function you approached me, asked for my name, what do I do and address to become my pen friend. 

I was naive and you were handsome, gentleman and well mannered. You seemed to be well educated and were the first cousin of the groom! I saw everything perfect in place and shared my address with you, not knowing what would be the next course of action or what am I supposed to do! 

I shared this with my cousins we all squealed as if something big had happened 😉 

The wedding ended and we went our own separate ways and I completely forgot you, well not completely, I shared this incident with my friends back home! But you didn’t write for quite sometime! I thought you made a fool of me and I let you do that! While I was thinking on these lines, a big fat envelope arrived at our doorsteps. 

It was addressed to me and hence was not opened by anyone else, the rule of the house etc. etc. When I was back from college (I was in junior college) I was handed over the envelope. To my surprise, it was your letter, a big long fat letter. You had written so much… so many things in your first letter, telling about yourself, your friends, your family and what not! Gosh, I was swept off my feet, impressed and I felt suddenly something about this all… I replied to your letter… then you sent me a letter again and the silsila chitthiyon ka continued for quite sometime… In my family a little teasing started taking place, my cousins said it is going to turn out into something etc etc.. all that felt great at that time 🙂 ekdum filmy! I did blush when my cousin and friends spoke about you ( and now I’m smiling so much on this)

When this began between us, I wasn’t fully aware if this was a crush or a serious affair taking place in my mind or a sensitive feeling in my heart, I just began following the path you showed and you kept pulling me towards you. 

God had something in mind for us, I think so even today, there was a wedding taking place in the families, this was the relationship being built within families…. your sister was getting married to my youngest maternal uncle! Funnily, all of us fall in almost same age group.. just 4-6 years apart…anyway, this wedding meant we were going to meet again! 

And meet we did, almost 2 years after we started writing each other, but something had changed… you just smiled at me upon receiving us at the venue and that’s it! You never bothered to talk, not even a general Hi, forget about chit chatting for a longer time.. entire 3 days we were under one roof but you behaved as if we were strangers! 

On the last, at the time of leaving, you came to me and said just this ‘sorry we can’t be writing to each other anymore, take care’ and that’s it!

My first crush died a sudden death, a teenage girl’s heart was broken, I was confused as to what happened exactly and for a while I was clueless about everything…but nevertheless, time actually acted as a healer and I realized very soon that it was not love, I was not heart broken and I didn’t have spend my days thinking of that someone who never was a part of my life or ever will be! 

You know M, later I realized, teenage days are like that, you fall very quickly for someone, your heart doesn’t allow you to think even once before deciding if it is crush or love or nothing! And you and me maybe sailed in one boat-of being naive, confused, attracted to each other and having crush on each other 🙂

And then I didn’t mind your behavior, because I realized you must have gone through something as well, there must some resistance from your family about our pen friendship…there could have been any reason after all! I had no rights to judge you and hence I stopped thinking of you in negative manner… In fact then I thought about  those months when we wrote letters to each other, I enjoyed, your wrote beautiful letters, you sent me cards on Holi and my B’day.. you had a pure heart, that much I could make out!

Also, looking at it today, if you would have not done what you did then how would I have met the love of my life today and my life would have not have been the same, like it is today! 

We both are settled in our own lives, I get to hear about your updates since our families are closely connected with 3 relationships weaved in, and I’m sure you would be hearing about me too, whether you like it or not 🙂 

All I want to say is you were a good human being and I always wish you a good life 🙂

While writing all this and looking back, this song is on my mind considering my situation that time 🙂 

Me!

 

Itna Maza Kyo Aa Raha Hai…

Well, well, this is exactly what I felt the other day..errr night and this song was constantly on my mind… “itna maza kyo aa raha hai, tune hawa mein bhaang milaya…” 

Now what’s the connection with my post and this song and me feeling good and the bhaang? See, I said it! It is THE bhaang that I’m pointing my finger at! You get me?

For a totally 100% teetotaller person (that is Hubsy, and not me 😉 ) asking for bringing in bhaang this Holi because something inside me was shouting loudly to have bhaang and see how it tastes/looks like/does what, was a little tough and I had to be very strategic!

I spread the game, placed the pawns and picked the first move and lo! In the first move itself Hubsy gave in (well, we’ll think like that!). He agreed and said “okay, in the evening!” and I was like “are you sure?” almost sounding like he was the one asking for it and not me 🙂

So, coming to the evening, I did not bring this up for the sake of not appearing desperate (all modest etc, you know) and also to check if the mr. forgetful remembers his loves’ wish for the day 😉 (ya, you calling me evil wife?)

Husby calls his expert friend, who certainly is not a teetotaller, for the right (read: safe) place to get it. And once the info was collected, off we were on our way to madness!

I drank entire glass of that sweetened milk just for that little tablet which is supposedly taken like this, mixed with the milk or many people take it with beetle leaf also (just got hold of this GK!), otherwise me & milk, are little cross with each other normally, since ages!

We came home, all healthy and hearty. I mean I was all normal, Husby didn’t drink, of course! I kept on asking him that did he really put that tab in or was it all a drama, b/c I was not at all feeling anything happening inside me, my head anywhere! An hour passed by and I was the same old Scribby with no change at all, sad! I accused Hubsy of just making fool of me by giving me just the sweetened milk! He time and again said he did add one tab, but since I must have said this to him like for 100 times in that 1 hour, he finally gave up on convincing me and said go get 4 tabs tomorrow on your own, huh!

All this while, we were at home, around MIL and Chirpy and things were normal. Slowly, I realised I’d started laughing… for nothing. I felt lighter in the head and a little shaky in the legs! No I didn’t feel totally lost of something, but I did feel something’s happening inside me, you know that feeling of ‘world being the coolest place, life’s rocking and I’m the super star here’ types? I felt great, merry and giddy 😛 . I was saying the same thing couple of times to ensure I actually said them not talked to myself in my head. I also experienced a little time lapse and felt like was I was rocking 5 minutes ahead and 5 minutes back of the current time. I also felt I was forgetting what I just spoke of and then when I said something I felt I’ve already said it…. aaah… do you know what I want to say here? 🙂

So the whole point is finally, so finally, it had kicked in, though with just 1 tab you don’t get a high high but it is decent enough to make your realize that you’re bhaang-ed !!!!

Husby enjoyed my drama, laughter attack and slipping of time which was really funny! He teased me the next day morning too and we laughed out on that. This Holi will remain special for me, for obvio reasons 😉

How was your Holi? Did you play colors? Have you been bhaanged anytime? What was your experience?

A little late,,,,,,

I’ve been seeing this ‘Photo A Day’ mania doing rounds the blog world and I’ve was tempted couple of times to take part in it but since I’m hard pressed for time I did not feel taking it up, in fear of leaving it in the middle…

But today I could not stop myself from starting it… I know it is from the middle and I might not even complete it to the T, but I still wanna do it 🙂

So, here it is my today’s photo of the day:

Prompt: Something Funny

DSC28

Pricking Silence

Something is missing…all is in place but still something is missing and telling me that a place is vacant..for someone..somewhere..is it you ? I’m not sure..but I’m missing you..very much..I did not take your call because I was missing you too much to talk to you..to hear your voice..I would have cried then..hence I avoided your call..

No,there is nothing to worry..everything is alright..but yet a piece of puzzle seems to be missing..which one is it? Unsure..I guess it happens in life sometime or the other..yeah..it happens..and It will be alright soon..I know !

But right now it’s tough for me..I’m unable to sleep..to think..what should I do ? where do I go ? Will you help me ?

सांस लेना  भी  कैसी  आदत  है
जिए  जाना  भी  क्या  रवायत  है
जिए  जाते  हैं , जिए  जाते  हैं
आदतें  भी  अजीब  होती  हैं

I sometimes feel that I’m too much dependent on your fantasy world..I must exit.But somehow I love this dependence..I love being tamed by your fantasies and my desires…
She said this to him….He was silent….he knew the time had come…he sat there looking at the setting sun…calm..quiet….she waited for him to say something…silence has never been so pricking!
* The above couplet is form the movie ‘Ijaazat’….

Weight of the past

She held that tiny piece of paper close to her heart not knowing what to do with it,even this time. The paper has been with her since long time now and she could not manage to part with it. But she knew,deep in her heart,that she should depart…not only from that paper but,the feelings,the memories.

Why was it so difficult to stay away from memories? Why was is not possible to erase them like we delete some file from our computers or phones? She wondered…why was life so complicated?

With all these thoughts crossing her mind she kept that tiny paper back in it’s place,in the inside pocket of her purse,where no one could find it. One look in the mirror and she was ready to leave with Keshav,they were going to have a cozy dinner,after a long time.

Radhika kept wondering about the paper every time she opened her purse. She told herself that she had to do this,it was important for her,for Keshav,for their marriage.

She decided to speak to Alok & clear it out. She picked up the phone but on second thoughts did not dial the number. She wandered in her thoughts again.Why was it required to talk to Alok now? He is any way happily busy in his life and doesn’t need to talk to her anymore. He has been practical in his approach and has moved on.Yes.She needs to move on too.

She looked at the silver photo frame that nested their wedding photograph-smiles and happiness was dribbling. It took her no time to take out that chit from her purse and trash it into tiny pieces…

She suddenly started feeling light. All memories of Alok and her relationship from the past vanished. She was only living in present now,with Keshav. She realized all this while she was running away from her today,which is no less beautiful than her past. She felt weightless…lighter…happier and firm! Today she realized that all this while she was unnecessarily carrying so much weight of her past in the form of that tiny chit which said ‘I love you Radhika’

Love sometimes becomes a bounding for us..it becomes difficult to let go when it is most needed. But just one step towards it and we feel like a free bird. Life becomes simpler but human heart loves complications though the mind doesn’t! It’s always between the mind and heart that we get stuck. 

A dhamaka conversation

The husband and wife conversation in Scribby Land!

She: I don’t believe this! How can you forget things every few minutes? *being very upset cause it’s been a year or two now that the husband is constantly forgetting things told even 5 mins back and this habit of forgetfulness is worsening by each passing day*

Him: *silence and just a gentle glance at her*

She: Now why you looking at me like this? Tell me,really,how could you forget to do something that I told you just 1 hour back?

Him: *still maintaining the silence and basically giving that kiddish smile like always*

She: I really wonder how did you top the class every year in school and maintained the same in college too,I sincerely doubt that now!

Him: I’ve an explanation to offer on this!

She: Oh wow,finally! Please go ahead and tell me,will you!!!!!!

Him: Marriage does that to people…read: men!

She: Whatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt? You mean because of me you’ve become forgetful???? *now angry and surprised at his way of mocking* grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Him: Oh don’t feel bad about it lady!!! It was just a joke…don’t you watch Hindi movies? *bursts into a laugh*

She: *a what-the-hell-look on her face..already tired tackling a cranky baby today and making chaklis & chiwda and now this!!!*

Him: *now realizing the gravity of the situation* okay okay sorry!!!! Cheer up na! *and saying all those mushy ‘I love you’ types things!!!

She: Hawww…one minute you make fun of me and the next minute you’re like so sweet to me,godddddddd! Where did you learn this art?

Him: Uhhhu,uhhu,told you marriage changes a man!!!!

She:grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So Diwali in our household has begun people and that too a Dhamakedar one 😀 Hope yours is going on well too..what all did you make? So far I’ve managed to make Chaklis and Chiwda. 2 sweets on agenda for tomorrow..Chirpy is a bit cranky today..poor baby is unable to sleep because of loud sounds and on top of that she is caught by cold 😦 I hope it doesn’t get severe !!!

Wishing you a happy and prosperous Diwali!